Broke me like your Promise

Nine

Jack arrives right on 6pm. He always was perfectly punctual, so I guess some things don't change. From the kitchen window I can see him pulling into my driveway in the same rental car I saw roll through town only a few nights ago. When he gets out, the sight of him simultaneously makes my heart hurt and my body desire him, and much to my dismay, the anger I felt is dissipating quickly.

I meet him at the door, opening it before he can knock and letting him inside before any neighbours can catch sight of him. I'm not silly, I know the importance of Jack needing to keep his visit to Rosehill quiet. The last thing our small town needs is the paparazzi swarming the streets.

As soon as Jack enters the house I know he can smell the food I made not only by the way his nostrils flare, but the smile that graces his face. I hadn't seen his smile look that genuine for over four years. For all the times I watched Jack on the screen, it was never, ever, this smile. I can't deny that it felt good to know that I was the reason for it.

"You made my favourite?" He asks, sliding his shoes off to make himself as comfortable as he always was in this house.

"Don't read into it," I tell him sternly, though I knew it was futile and he would absolutely read into the fact that I chose to make his favourite meal. It was also the very last thing I had cooked for him before he left. I don't know why I felt so compelled to make it, I guess I figured if this was the only meal we shared again, then it might as well be his favourite. "For all I know it's not even your favourite meal anymore."

"Not that much has changed about me Annie," he insists sincerely.

"I wouldn't know," I retort. It was a low blow and I can see the hurt the moment they words leave my lips and his face falls. Instant regret takes over, but instead of apologising I try to brush past it like a coward.

"I'll dish us up a bowl each, you sit down. Did you want a drink? We can eat and talk."

"I'll get the drinks," he smiles, though it's not as bright as it was earlier.

The only noise is the clanging of dishes, and the blocks of ice dropping into glasses as we silently prepared our dinner. Somewhere in the background the tv was on, but it was nothing compared to the tension filled silence in the kitchen. I remind myself that I have to give Jack a chance, that's why we're here after all, and making snide, hostile comments wasn't going to be helpful to either of us.

"This is as delicious as I remember," Jack tells me as he devours his lamb shanks. They aren't my favourite, so I'm a little slower to eat than him, pushing the food around my plate more than I actually eat. My stomach is also churning with the unknown of what he has to say rather than hunger.

The romantic in me says he is hear for me, to claim me back after all these years and apologise for the hurt. The cynic in however is winning that battle, reminding me of the recent headlines and that he is probably here to explain things before he tells me he is marrying another woman. One final stab. One which I shouldn't care about right? I have Baden. I can learn to love him the way I loved Jack.

I place my fork down on the dining table, suddenly not very hungry for food as opposed to answers. "So, why now Jack? Why are you here?"

Jack takes his time to swallow his mouthful of food before he speaks. Likely biding his time to formulate an answer. He was always careful with his words, something else I loved about him. But if he didn't know how to say something he chose silence instead, something that had infuriated me to no end.

"The short answer, Annie, is that I'm here for you," he takes my hand in his before he continues, strumming his thumb across my palm. "The longer version though, the one you deserve is that I made mistakes and dumb decisions and I know I'm years too late but I couldn't go another day without speaking to you. You might not believe me, but you've been in my head and heart every single day and I thought I needed to move on because you would have forgotten me and probably would never forgive me for breaking promises to you. But I couldn't move on. So I decided to come back and shoot my shot."

"How did you know that I hadn't married off and had a few kids by now?" I pull my hand from his, afraid if I give in to his touch that I won't be able to hold any restraint from him at all.

"I didn't," he smiled, but it was a sad smile. "I hoped, desperately. My mom and Hannah refused to keep updating me on you a few years back. They said if I cared how you were doing that I needed to come back home and find out for myself."

That brought a smile to my own face. I always did get along well with Jack's mom and his younger sister. Hannah only just graduated high school last year and I see her a lot in the diner. We would never discuss Jack though.

"Even if you were married," he continues. "I still figured I owed you some sort of explanation and that you deserved to close the book if that were the case. As it turns out, I might have got here just in time."

"Don't look so smug, having dinner with you doesn't mean I've turned Baden away, it means I'm willing to listen." I tell him, gathering our finished dinner plates. "You hurt me Jack. Especially that first Christmas. Besides, last I heard you were getting engaged to Alexa, the headlines say you were seen at a jewellery store."

He leans back in his chair and runs his hand down his face like he is both tired and annoyed. I take that moment to walk to the kitchen and create some much needed space. Being this close to Jack for too long is terrible for my self restraint.

"That first Christmas was my biggest mistake Annie," Jack talks to me across the room with his back to me. He hasn't followed me and I'm ok with that. It might be easier for us both to have this conversation this way.

"I was so young, so naive and I believed the things people were telling me. Tom, my manager, he had all these commitments for me that I couldn't get out of. I was damn near in tears one day in my trailer because I didn't know how to tell you, how to let you down when it was the last thing I wanted to do. I listened to Kristy, my co-star, she suggested that instead of disappointing you I make you so angry at me that you won't care if I don't come home. I guess it worked, but it damn near broke me to do it. She swept me up into her world after that and I just partied and drank to numb the pain. We weren't serious, she used me for a good girl image while she was really doing lines of coke and sleeping with a whole roster of guys. I never did more than kiss her Annie."

I believe his words and that he was just a confused eighteen year old from a small town thrown into a world he wasn't ready for. I think I already had forgiven him a long time ago. He still broke me then though, his words and his actions, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to allow him to break another part of me.