Homophobic (l.s)

Chapter 10

                  

There was a brief moment of numbness before the overwhelming feeling of vomit suddenly overcomes Louis as he hangs up the phone. He hasn't felt this sick to his stomach since many years ago. The day had seemed to take longer than usual, and it wasn't helping with Louis drinking away his worries with his secret bottle of vodka. In between lecturing students, breaking apart useless fights and getting future assignments prepared, Louis was subconsciously searching for Harry. Louis usually had a pretty good instinct, and today all Louis could feel was worried. Harry was hurt, and Louis was the idiot that lead Harry into that situation. School's finished and here Louis is, basically drunk in his office and hating himself more than ever. He knows if he drinks anymore that it could lead him to a potentially dangerous situation. There's no escaping it either, because at home he will drink, and if he drives to the bar, he'll get blind drunk. He's been ignoring Eleanor's texts and he just needs to escape. Louis knows when he's drunk he gets terrible ideas, and the idea that pops into his head may be the worst one yet.

Louis gathers his belongings fast, double checking the room in case he's left anything behind. His bottle is thrown into his bag carelessly and he locks his door and makes his way through the school. He really knows he has lost the plot when he's driving out of the school with his phone pressed to his ear, waiting for Eleanor to pick up. She literally picks it up almost straight away.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I need to tell you something," Louis sighs, relaxing a little

"What?" Eleanor's entire voice changes drastically, as if she was scared.

"I'm going to be out of town for the weekend. The house is locked up and such, but I will call you when I get back,"

Louis clenches his jaw, waiting for Eleanor's reaction. It's pretty much exactly what he expects. She explodes with rage, basically deafening him.

"You are not going out again! You saw how bad that last time affected you!"

"I know. I'm not going to drink Eleanor. I'm leaving town so I'm not tempted to drink!"

"And you think just running away and staying at a hotel is going to do any good? You'll be drinking until you're dead basically,"

"I'm not staying in any damn hotel. If you'd shut up for a second in your life you would understand. I'm going to visit mum,"

"Louis" Eleanor's voice is suddenly stern, completely serious. She sounds even angrier than what she did when she thought Louis was staying at a hotel.

"It's not going to be like that,"

"Are you insane? You know exactly how that's going to go! Louis, you haven't seen them in years. It's going to bring everything back."

"For fuck sake Eleanor. Are you quite finished controlling my life? I'm done. I'm sorry for even calling. Do not call me over the weekend. I have some serious thinking to do. I don't know who I even am anymore. I don't know why I called. Goodbye,"

Louis doesn't even give Eleanor time to respond before he hangs up and places the phone on the passenger seat. He focuses on the road, in complete silence. It's going to be a 3 hour drive to get to his mothers. It's a drive that he doesn't know too well, and especially while being more than slightly intoxicated, so it's going to be a long one.

It's a sad reality that it's been roughly 2 years since he had seen his family. He hasn't even called them. The voices of his sisters are a fading memory, and Louis always finds himself wondering how is mother is doing. It drains Louis knowing that he barely has a relationship with his family. Even through his ordeals, the most important thing in life to Louis is his family. He would put himself in front of a gun to protect his family, although they probably would never do the same. Louis can usually sit in silence for hours but today it's slightly unnerving.