"yeux de chat."
"sorry?"
"yeux de chat, cat eyes. that's what i'll call you from now on, min. you're evil and heartless. just like how people see cats."
"well... how do you see me? if you weren't roped into people?"
"well, i am a cat person so i thi...
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GCSE courses were starting in seven months. namjoon started them at age seven. he often wondered why he was like this but, truly, he was scared to know the answer. so the question never left his mouth. it stayed in his mind: unbothered and unanswered.
but that often led to another question: 'why doesn't namjoon kim want to know why he's like this?' which scared namjoon even further. and when he thought further he realised how much he was scared. if you ask him about his existence it will make him shake. if you ask him about his personality it will send him a cold sweat. if you ask him about his need to constantly be the best? he will cry.
disgustingly.
even more disgusting to him was the classroom he was in. the teacher excreted unhygienic smells like it was her job, and namjoon found himself nearly convinced. kia graham had chewing gum and she chewed it so loud namjoon felt he needed to rip his ears out. zakim james couldn't keep his hands off of his girlfriend, daniela smith, that sat next to him, the two were right in front of him. faizaan rahzak had a habit of whispering sexist and/or racist jokes to his friend rayn but rayn sat two rows in front of faizaan so it was more telling than whispering meaning the teacher had to stop herself at least twice in a sentence to ask faizaan and rayn to shut up.
worst of all sat right next to the boy: yoongi min. the fucking worst person in this class. a fucking backstabbing snitch.
despite all this, he listened diligently to his teacher, wanting his grades and wanting to get out.
"alright now! you are top set i shouldnt have to take ten minutes just to assign a project!" the teacher screamed, mumbled and confused whispers of 'there's a project?' came around and the older woman sighed in disbelief. namjoon thought she was a bit late to her disbelief but accepted it.
"listen kids, i'm assigning you a long term project okay? i know you guys have a lot of homework for other classes and with GCSE prep becoming a lot more noticeable in classes it's only fair that you get a while to do it. the deadline is in a month and two weeks, you will work on it with the person next to you."
namjoon felt his heart stop beating....
fuck. it was only an expression. damn it.
but suddenly everything felt too loud. too much. kia's gum was popping in his ear now. faizaan was screaming into namjoon's left side just to reach rayn on namjoon's right. hearing zakim and his girlfriend's fucking giggles almost made namjoon fucking loose it.
a hand on his shoulder. a voice that told him, "namjoon, you're having a panic attack."
oh, so that's what it was. that's what made namjoon feel like there were beetles in his fingernails and centipedes in his spine. that's what made the spiders dance along his neck and tousle his hair. a panic attack. a panic attack brought rotting food into his stomach and nausea in his throat. a panic attack put worms into his mouth and moths into his skull. the ants and fleas ran across his ribs and fluttering ladybugs were trapped in his skin. diseases were spreading.
