under pressure || kavetham ||

four - breathe

"please don't ever waste your life, because time is fleeting."

this is based off of 'if i killed someone for you' by alec benjamin. ( i <3 alec benjamin, been listening for 5 years and he never disappoints )

summary; kaveh sleeps for the first time in what seemed like years. what was his 'first' dream about? al haitham stays with kaveh all night.

tw - small mentions of weapons and shooting/ mass murder and arson (don't ask.)

kavehs point of view -

this was the first time i slept in a while. my panic dialed down, so i fell asleep i guess. i forgot how weird it felt to dream.. it was almost as if i wasn't actually dreaming and this I was real.

maybe its a nightmare. no, this is definitely a nightmare.

blood. its everywhere. alhaitham is standing in front of me, holding a human heart. he didnt even look like the alhaitham i know. he had buttons for eyes, he looked exactly like a puppet.

"do you see this, kaveh? this is your heart. its pulsating, yes, but this contains all your hopes and dreams. what if i just-"

he squeezed it. my 'heart.' blood splattered all around the room, even on me. he even smiled. its sickening, really.
this wasnt the alhaitham i knew, and it changed my view of him again.

(I DECIDED TO FINISH WRITING IT!!)
(surprisingly, the song this part is based off of started playing ln my playlist when i wrote this again)

i hate that it reminds me of the bad person he is. the person who does not care about anyone's well-being. especially mine. he would never love me. the would 'love' would never even come out of his mouth. silly me. silly, silly, kaveh..

silly kaveh for thinking you had a chance. silly kaveh for yearing for his touch in any way. silly, silly me..

i want to cry. i want to let everything out, all of the tears, grief, and somber lies.

the person that was killed is not haitham, but me. i killed myself. i killed myself because i turned into the person alhaitham 'liked.' i don't know who i am anymore, really.

was i happy before? did i have people i cared for most? i dont remember. now im just 'kaveh the architect who cant stop bickering with his roomate and occasionally gets drunk'.

i changed for alhaitham, but i didnt change for me. i changed because alhaitham wouldnt like how i was before. why did i ever care? its not like i can go back to that, anyways.

ill stay like this. forever if i have to. alhaitham hasnt felt a thing for me other than annoyance and anger. why did i bother? im not someone people like. this is more than a sick love story, because without him, i would bring a gun to the akademiya, (and i will if he wants me to for any reason) and shoot everyone there. maybe commit a little arson.

i hope this makes him happy, because they're just no turning back. he makes me do things i shouldn't. hes so pretty, it hurts.

i want him to understand that I've always loved him. i'd do anything for him. this might be a little more than an obsession.

the soft moonlight shines bright on my crimson eyes, creating a pink and purple hue reflecting on the clear window. the contrast of all the light blinds me, as though forgetting that it is night, awakening me.

a pair of pale arms snake around my waist gently as if i am made out of thin glass. gray strands of hair fall on the white pillows and softly drop on my golden blonde ones, colliding on one eachother.

aqua eyes stare into mine as deep as the ocean in such a way that was yet comforting. pupils as orange as fire dilate while looking into my crimson eyes, while giving me a small, reassuring smile.

the mere eyes he looks at widen as they stare directly at the smile, confused. did he just smile? no, i must have seen wrong.

"what, can't get enough of me?" al haitham said, in his normal confident attitude. what was going on? he was flirting, his hands are around my waist, and he smiled at me. this was not normal, and i knew that.

i scoffed, acting like he wasnt holding me and i wasnt laying in his bed. "as if! i would love if you started being quiet like you usually are." i spoke, giving a smile myself.

"so you would rather me not speak? i thought you loved my voice, but if that's what you really want i wont complain." he digged his head into my chest, still careful not to hurt me. i could feel his grin through my clothes, though i could handle this.

i chuckled, that smile not leaving my face for a second. unconsiously, my hand moves to play with his hair. it was only after i heard his soft muffled snores in my chest that i realized what i was doing.

he had fallen asleep holding me. the view of the top of his head was quite comforting, actually. maybe i could fall asleep like this again..

this wasnt so bad. maybe i could just..

cheries note - ik this was hella short, but it felt like i wrote wayyy too much but i know i didn't. funny, huh? i really liked this chapter, i hope you do too!!
see ya on friday🫶 (no promises!)