OLYMPIA ▷ KYLO REN

xxiv.

The sunlight shone through the cracks in the curtains and he had barely slept. He cringed as he thought of his actions of the previous day. Disappearing from the universe seemed like the right idea at that moment.

The white-haired girl never left his mind, it was suffocating.

He was startled by a knock at the door, halting his thoughts. As he approached the door, slowly opening it, his feet met the cold marble floor. A silver tray sat on the floor, the smell of food welcoming him. He bent down to pick it up, closing the door behind him with his foot.  He placed the tray on the table in the middle of the room, walking over to the curtains to open them.

He opened the balcony doors, the warm breeze hitting him. He stepped out, noticing flowers draped over every surface of the outdoors. Rows of flowers lined the paths and draped over the walls. Did this happen overnight?

The festival.

He squinted as his eyes fell on auburn hair, recognising Astraea's sister Hera. She was dressed in a simple white gown, a colourful crown of flowers wrapped around her head. "Astraea, come on! Aphrodite will make you feel better in no time!" Hera called out, his ears perking up when he heard the mention of her name. Astraea's white hair came into view, she was wearing the same outfit and crown of flowers as her sister. Her hair wasn't braided at all like her hair usually was, he had never seen her hair without them.

He almost instinctively clutched his chest as his heart lurched at the sight of her. He shook his head, turning on his heel so he wouldn't look anymore. The feeling he felt when he saw her was truly sickening. He sat down at the table and quietly ate the food that was left for him. The food on Olympia was heavenly compared to what he ate at the First Order. He'd hardly even thought about his work since he arrived on Olympia.

His worries about the First Order and his revenge had faded since his arrival, he almost liked the peaceful feeling that embraced him. He couldn't stay here forever. There were too many forces at work pulling him in every direction.

Once he had finished, he went to dress himself. As he pulled his robe on, another knock at his door made him look up. He walked over to open it, meeting the eyes of another of Astraea's sisters. She had an older face and aura, he believed this to be Demeter. She was dressed in the same clothes as Astraea and Hera.

"It is well past noon and the festival beginning soon. You are welcome to attend and welcome to decline- though I'm sure our queen would appreciate your attendance." She spun on her heel and walked in the opposite direction, not waiting for his response. Abrupt and blunt were two words that floated around his mind. He closed the door, thoughts swirling.

He drank the cold glass of water that was left on the table and his eyes fell on his lightsaber. His fingers hovered over it for a moment but he let them drop to his side. He didn't need it. He sighed deeply, this festival seemed entirely frivolous. Though, if Astraea wanted him to attend, he struggled to decline.

The walk from his chambers to the fields was almost overwhelming, the bright colours and laughter coming from all directions were a deep contrast to his usual daily life. The field was filled with many people wearing simple white gowns. Though it seemed only their queen and her sisters wore a band of flowers around their heads. Astraea and her sisters stood along lines of crops that looked like they were withering away, smiles painting their faces.

"I welcome all to the Summer Cusp Festival. I hear that the summer harvest was one of the best yet. I'm sorry I wasn't here to see it. I appreciate that these are uncertain times and I can't assure you all when I will return. However, I am always dreaming of home on distant stars." Astraea paused, he could just see the glassiness of her eyes from his position a few meters away.

"I and my sisters are immensely grateful for all of the hard work that every single person on this planet contributes. When we are born, we borrow the energy of Olympia. This is a contract. You are given this energy to live to the fullest extent possible, but one day, you have to give this energy back. This is true for all living things on Olympia. Old things must die to make space for the new. Our crops are withering- their time has come to return." Astraea spoke in a dignified tone. She looked to her sisters and nodded, the group taking a few steps back.

The sisters kneeled on the grass and placed their hands on the ground in unison. He watched as they closed their eyes, taking a deep breath. The ground under their hands began to smoulder, bright flames peaking through the sheets of grass. It began to slowly travel up the rows of crops, the flames devouring the leafy crops one by one.

Kylo looked around as a tune began, his eyes catching several people playing drums, stringed instruments and flutes. The sisters stood from the ground, moving to stand as a group. Astraea's lips were carved into a wide smile, this may have been the happiest he had ever seen her. Her smile shone brighter than any other in the galaxy.

He almost flinched as someone tapped his shoulder, his head snapping in their direction. "Would you like to dance?" A short woman with long flowing brown hair looked up at him, a kind smile on her face and her hand extended towards him.

He instinctively took a step back, shock registering on his face. "No." He blurted, walking away to the sidelines, not wanting to look back at the woman. People around him began linking arms and spinning each other, laughter echoing all around him. He watched from the edge of the crowd, feeling immensely out of place. He could feel the ecstatic energy all around him- it was suffocating. He was so used to feeling the fear and apprehensiveness of others around him that this feeling was almost foreign.

"Are you alright?" Another hand rested on his upper arm but the energy from the voice instantly calmed him, he couldn't mistake that voice. He turned his head, his eyes landing on her. She looked ethereal, just like how he had imagined an angel when he was a boy.

"Yes." He answered, feeling her hand fall away from him. She laughed gently, looking into the crowd. "I see you're not much of a dancer?" Astraea asked, a playful smile on her lips. "No." He spoke flatly, noticing her smile. "If you won't dance with her, will you dance with me?" Astraea's lips spread into a playful grin, though she already knew what he'd say. He rolled his eyes, she was a chancer.

"It was worth the ask." She laughed softly, readjusting the flowers on her head. "If you don't mind, I'm going to dance with Hera. I can see her calling me over. Have fun!" She exclaimed, already taking off. His hand instinctively raised to grab her arm but she had already slipped his grasp. He wanted her to stay, even though the feeling made him sick.

He watched as she met Hera, the two linking arms and spinning each other in time with the music. Her long white hair whipped her face as she spun, a elated smile gracing her lips. The familiar fire that plagued his stomach lit again as her ocean eyes met his fleetingly. She flashed him a wide grin, before being whisked away from his eyes.

He thought he was going to be sick. The feeling that overcame him every time he looked at her was so overwhelming, he couldn't take it anymore. A feeling so foreign, he didn't know what to call it. He had only felt this way when he was studying at the Jedi Academy with a fellow student that was kind to him. He had blocked that memory.

He remembered exactly why he had never felt like that again. The feeling that plagued him only brought pain. This forbidden feeling wasn't something he could pursue without losing everything he had worked so hard to build. He gave up this feeling for power- and he liked power.

He wasn't sure if he could have both or rather- deserved both. Did he deserve to feel this way about her? Astraea isn't like him. She didn't crave power or control. She could have been born without it and would have turned out the same. She was caring but strong- everything he couldn't be.

He looked back up to see her delighted face and he felt guilt creep up on him. He knew this life she loves so dearly is taken from her when she's with him. He hasn't seen her smile so much as she did when they landed on her home planet. She cares so much for everything here and he was using her for his and his order's selfish gains.

He didn't deserve to love her.

His heart sank and the urge to get away overcame him. He weaved through the crowed of people to head back to the palace, where he could be alone- and that would be how it should stay.