That Time I Got Reincarnated as an Overpowered Elf (Tensura x OC)

(5) Setting Out

An incalculable amount of time flew by in an instant with me huddled up in my room.

Was it days? Weeks? Regardless, it all muddled together; so different in meaning, yet one in the same to me.

The day of the incident, a service was held for Mom. I didn't attend. I didn't even realize it was happening until it had already ended days later, and there was nothing left for me to do but visit her grave. But even that faded from my mind as all my energy was spent on wallowing in my own self-pity.

I barely ate. I barely drank. The two had never been much of a problem for me - I could go days on end without food, after all.

Sure, there was the occasional rumbling in my stomach, but I was barely able to pay it any mind before I was pulled back into my own thoughts, where I'd just sit and listen to her voice over and over again. Whether it was something as simple and every-day as a 'Good morning' or a 'How was your day?', a reprimand for using magic in the house, and especially that nickname she had given me. No matter what I thought about, it still succeeded in making my heart beat faster, and my chest tighten, making it so hard to breath I thought I would suffocate.

And the worst part of it all was the fact that I'd gone through all of it before. When my mom in my past life died, all I felt was regret.

I'd spent my entire life focusing on my work, trying; futilely might I add; to catch up to a man who I knew I couldn't hope to surpass, no matter how hard I tried. In that quest, I pushed away so many people. Friends. Family. Lovers.

One by one, every single one of them who had tried to save me from myself and get me to walk away from my own demise... Soon enough, every one of them had given up, and I didn't even bother to look back at them as they walked out the door. Barely even giving the piece of mind to register the sound of the door opening and closing, both metaphorically and literally.

Until I found myself completely and utterly alone. With no one to blame but myself...

'What did I do after that,' one might ask? I went right back to it. Writing down notes, pinning bits of information together in the chase for some arbitrary development I wasn't even sure I could accomplish. Eventually, all the health conditions I had ignored took their toll. The early signs of Alzheimer's disease started to show themselves, eventually turning to full-on dementia. And just like that, all the progress I'd been building up over so many decades faded out of my memory. And my mind was too hazy to realize that the bonds I'd sacrificed were all for not.

My body decayed more and more, slowly and oh-so painfully. But I didn't give it any notice until... well, I wound up here.

I was skeptical of this world at first; wondering what kind of logic it follows. I mean... magic beasts running around, supernatural abilities that go against the laws of physics. Incorporeal spirits being partners to 10 year olds?

Any sane person would find it all questionable. But it was all far too real for me to deny its existence, especially with the clarity and sanity that was returned to me with this new body. Even if it were a dream, or some sort of post-death hallucination, after spending several days in this world, there was nothing more for me to do but accept it as reality.

And in that new reality, when granted a second chance to build some kind of solid relationship with another person - to make memories with my family that would follow me long past adulthood. To laugh and smile and argue and all the things that a regular family is meant to do, without the stinging pain of longing or regret weighing down on my soul.

But yet that hope was crushed far too soon... The only thing I can do is consider that,

'Maybe I'm the problem...?'