Stardust || seongjoong

13. Cuddleless

"Mingi-ya." Mingi's face drops at the way Hongjoong calls his name. "Why didn' you 'ell me? Or talk about it firs'?"

Mingi sighs. Honestly, he's just kinda been waiting for Hongjoong to notice, because Mingi sure wasn't going to bring it up first.

"Because I knew you'd be upset?" Before a sound can leave Hongjoong's open mouth, he adds, "EVEN THOUGH! Hold on, Hyung, even though it's my decision."

"Mingi, you need to 'ive your li'e."

"I am living my life."

Hongjoong closes the book on his lap. With his lack of strength and coordination, there isn't a whole lot he can do other than read. Reading isn't so bad. Yet even with the most enthralling novel, the deepest autobiography, the highest philosophical prose, galaxy eyes hang firmly in the back of his mind.

"Does Eomma know?" Hongjoong asks.

"Yes, and she said it was okay, a good idea even."

Hongjoong thinks his parents are being rather selfish with that, but he bites his tongue.

"Hyung," Mingi crosses his arms, "you're acting like a dad."

"And you're ac'ing like a chi'd."

"Aish, Hongjoong Hyung, me not registering for one semester isn't the end of the world. Uni will still be there next year." Then, an idea. Mingi smiles. Mischievous, triumphant, true. "Plus, I bet you think it's all for you, huh? Well no. What if I wanna stay here for someone else, too, hmm?"

Hmph. Hongjoong can't argue with that.

"Hyung?" Mingi asks after a beat. "Are you hungry for dinner?"

"No."

"Well are you going to eat?"

Sigh. "Yes."

It really is annoying, the lack of appetite; food is usually so nice.

Mingi pulls out the last frozen meal, the last of the ones Wooyoung prepared for his absence. Maybe Mingi could convince Jongho to cook, he's not too bad. Oh, or Seonghwa. Probably Seonghwa.

Nguyệt comes over tonight, and she's been improving, slowly earning Mingi's begrudging respect.

By the time Hongjoong's ever-present routine is completed, and he's tucked into bed, he really wishes Mingi would cuddle. But Mingi hasn't asked recently, a sign he is feeling better. The only problem is, Hongjoong is too much of a coward to ask for himself.

He doesn't need someone every night, he tells himself, just sometimes would be nice. Just sometimes. He misses Cat, the presence of a creature with him, breathing, warm. Someone heavy to lay on his chest, against his arm. Someone to make sure his heart is really still beating. And maybe Hongjoong wouldn't have to be alone, if he were to just ask. But ask? Hah. He won't condone being more of a burden than he already is. Besides, Mingi probably wouldn't ev—

Shhhh. Hongjoong squeezes his eyes. Inhale, inhale, exhale, exhale. Let's just sleep.

His phone is charging next to his bed, maybe Seonghwa would answer if he texted. He wonders if Seonghwa needs sleep. But the braces... the braces meant to preserve him make his hands even more immobile.

If only.

If only he would ask.

But there's no guarantee someone would be there to answer.

°°°

Sunlight.

In the living room, Hongjoong closes his eyes to let the warmth engulf him, warmer than it really should be in late September. Nevertheless, Sol's rays shine, like maybe Hongjoong is favored now, too.