Shikwe

Chapter 7

3 years ago

I have been living in this giant penthouse for two weeks and I've never seen Reyansh this upset. He stares at the empty fishbowl then at the cat asleep on the couch.

I can bet he would've thrown her out if it wasn't for me. She ate his fish. And now she is sprawled on his couch like she owns the fucking place. I can see literal steam coming out of his ears as he glares at the feline. He takes one step towards her and I step in the middle. "Reyansh, she is just a cat. This is her natural instinct, please forgive her." His eyes soften as he looks at me but still somehow leans to his left and glares at the floof who is still somehow asleep.

"If it wasn't for you baby, I wouldn't have even let her in. She scraped my couch, dropped two vases from different shelf, ran around the house leaving muddy pawprints behind and now she ate my fish!" The cat finally jerks awake and hisses at him, before running towards the door. I open it for her to run down the stairs.

I shut the door, turn around and lean against it to find my husband glaring into spaces. "I can get you a new fis-"

"It's not the same."

"Yep." He is really angry. I don't blame him. Imagine coming back home from your office and finding your pet gone because you showed kindness to a cat.

He had his dinner in the office and I had mine at home, so I pick a slice of cake from the fridge and walk up the stairs to our bedroom. He has already changed and is now laying on the bed with his arm over his eyes. I walk up to his side and sit on the edge. "Reyansh?"

"Hmm?"

I sigh and pull his hand away from his eyes. "I am sorry. I was the one who let her in everytime and I should've kept my eye on her. I indirectly murdered your fish. I am really sorry. Cake?"

He sits up and takes the plate from my hand. He has a sweet tooth. Especially for cake. Where all those calories go? I have no idea. Because I gain weight just by breathing the food.

"You really like that cat, don't you?" He doesn't sound angry, or condescending, just curious.

"She is cute." What a lame reason but it's a cat. It's not like she has any other talents. He chuckles and takes a bite of his cake. "Then she can keep coming. Don't think that I wouldn't want her in the house anymore. You like her and she makes you happy, so please, don't stop on my account. She seems like good company."

I give him a thankful smile. He is very supportive, very charming and extremely understanding.

We have shared a bed since our wedding day but not once has he made any advances. He keeps to his side and I still have managed to kick him every single night in my sleep.

I wake up everyday in his arms. It's mostly me, sprawled over him, but sometimes it's his arm around me. Like he never wants to let go, and that feels good. To know that I have someone, to hold me, to look after me. It's great.

Present

"You could've just bought him a new fish and put it in the bowl before he returned. Problem solved." How is she my older sister? I don't know.

"If I get kidnapped or something, find someone else to replace me so nobody knows." She tsks.

"You're a human, I can't find someone who looks exactly like you. Fishes all look the same. You just needed to match the color." I gape at her.

"You are a horrible person." She simply shrugs. "Seems like your life was going fine. So what's wrong?"

"Nothing was wrong in the first year. Just random encounters with violent episodes and stuff. But it wasn't much. Problems started in the second. When we went to meet my doctor after I fell down the stairs. I wasn't hurt that badly but Reyansh didn't want to take any chances."

3 years ago.

"I told you I am fine. I didn't even bleed. We don't have to be here." We sit in the doctors cabin, waiting for her to bring my reports so we can go back home. I don't want to be here, I don't like coming to the doctor.

My husband royally ignores my pleas to go back home and holds my hand, as if I'll make a run for it.

"Couple more minutes, the doctor will be here and we will be off. Please sweetheart, just a while more. Hmm?" I nod at him and then grumble to myself. What even is the point of this? I just slipped down a couple stairs and stood back up again. Nothing hurts, other than my head from having sitting here for so long. The hospital smell is awful. And I hate it.

The doctor finally graces us with her mighty presence, okay now I am being mean but my nerves are spiking up. I hate hospitals. And doctors. And I am still their most regular patient. She sits down on her chair infront of us and sighs like all this exhausts her. Weirdo.

"Mr. and Mrs. Agnihotri, I have some news for you two. Firstly, you are fine Seher. The fall wasn't big and it hadn't visibly affected you." My shoulders relax and I look at my husband with a 'told you so' look. He side eyes me then shakes his head with a smile.

"Anything else doctor?" The lady sighs again. "The tests I did are back, and I am sorry to tell you this but, Seher, your body is not functional enough to have a child. You cannot get pregnant. And unfortunately, fertility treatments won't be able to help either." Her words seem like boulders holding me down. Reyansh's hand stiffens in mine. His jaw locks. He nods at the doctor and then pulls me out with him.

When glass breaks, you can hear it through the walls. But when a heart breaks? It's silent. No sound comes from anywhere. But you know it broke. Because it hurts. It hurts too fucking much.

I wonder what have I ever done for God to hate me this much. For him to snatch everything from me. My ability to live. To love. And now to have a child. A family. Reyansh and I never talked of children but we both wanted a family.

And he can still have one. Just not with me. I can't be this selfish and keep him in a marriage that gives him nothing.

My shoulders are grabbed and I am turned to face eyes filled with determination. "It's okay. It's not the end of the world sweetheart. We are enough for each other. And if in future we want a child, we can try for surrogacy or we can always adopt. It's fine."

I didn't say anything to him. When he pulled me into his chest, I went willingly. When he took me home, I sat beside him quietly.

Present

"My self harming tendencies grew. I started hurting myself more and more. So he appointed me a bodyguard. Rahul is kind and funny. He accompanies me everywhere and I don't mind. He is trained to protect me from myself. He knows that if I get out of control, he should just inject me with a sleep inducing drug. I pass out and he brings me home.

But that guilt, that nagging feeling that I can't give Reyansh something he deserves. It's a big deal. It claws at my chest, suffocate me in my sleep and I can't help it. No matter how hard I try to swim out of it, something pulls me back and drowns me in the guilt again."

Days passed without him. And I still don't find the peace I hoped for. I left him but my heart hurts even more. Would he be okay without me? Is he eating well? He always forgets his lunch. And does someone keeps some slices of cake in the fridge for him?

🥀

What did you guys think? Let me know. The story is near it's end and I've completed writing it all. I feel like posting them all in the same day 😂.

See you soon.