𝗮𝗹𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁.

four.

   I haven't blinked.

   I can't move, everything hurts.

   After it happened and I had finally calmed down Ellie took me to the bathroom to help me wash my face. By the time I was cleaned up Joel had already buried them.

   I've been sitting here ever since.

   My mind still hasn't processed.

   We had finally escaped.

   I dig into my pocket and pull out the red pick up Sam gave me. I turn it over in my hands a few times and feel another tear slip down my cheek. This can't be real.

   I feel Joel's eyes on me but he doesn't dare say anything.

   Where do I go from here? Do I go with Ellie and Joel? Do I stay here? What do I even do with myself? They were all I had.

   I feel the presence of someone behind me and Ellie comes into view. She glances at me before setting down Sam's notepad. On it is written, I'm sorry.

   I wipe my cheek with the back of my hand and she takes my other hand in hers.

   We stand together and I look down at the two graves.

   I don't know how I'll keep going after this, but I will.

   I need to make sure Henry's sacrifices weren't for nothing.

* * *

   "Do you think we can go down now?" I whisper to Ellie.

   She grins and shrugs, "only one way to find out."

   She runs over to the railing, "can we come down now?"

   Joel sighs at us, "No- Ellie!"

   Ellie runs down the steps, pulling me with her. Joel glares at her like an exhausted father, "what did I just say?"

   She sighs, "Joel come on, they're like a thousand."

   I crack a small smile.

   "Who's this little psycho?" the man asks.

   "Never mind her," Joel slides the map to him, "I need you to tell us where we are."

   "If you got a map why're you lost?"

   Ellie scoffs, "must've missed all the street signs in the enormous fucking forest."

   The man's eyes widen and his wife laughs. I laugh too.

   Joel now glares at me, "Athy."

   I place a hand over my mouth to muffle my laughs.

   Henry and Sam have been dead for 91 days.

   Sam has been dead for 23 seconds longer than Henry.

   Me, Joel, and Ellie have been traveling for three months in search of Joel's brother. I don't remember which one of them started calling me Athy first. But it caught on and now I haven't heard the nickname Thena in months.

   I'm half grateful.

   After two weeks traveling together Ellie explained everything to me.

   She explained her immunity and how she tried to save Sam. She explained how she and Joel met and why they were traveling together. She even told me about a woman named Tess who was with them before.

   Me and Ellie have become something like sisters.

   She stays up with me when I have nightmares and she helps take care of me. I let her braid my hair however she wants and it always looks cute.

   I don't really know what I am to Joel.

   I don't eat much and I walk fast so I'm not much of a burden but I don't think he's decided whether he cares about me yet.

   I don't know if I want him too.

   The more people you care about the more you have to lose.

   I learned that when my brothers died.

   I'm trying to keep everyone at an arm's length.

   "Athena, come on, we're leaving."

   Ellie tugs my hand and I follow her out of the house, briefly waving over my shoulder at the funny couple. The woman waves back and the man just grunts.

   Ellie grabs one of the man's bunnies as we leave, "you don't seriously believe them."

   Joel continues forward, "they've lived here a long time," he turns over his shoulder, almost sensing Ellie's trouble making, "put that back."

   "They don't know anything," she ignores him, "they've never heard of the fireflies."

   I just watch them because I wasn't listening and don't know what they're talking about. A lot of the time I don't know what they're talking about.

   Joel suddenly leans forward onto a fence post, placing a hand against his heart. I feel a slight panic rise in my chest,"Joel?"

   Ellie notices too, "Joel, are you okay? Joel?"

   "Shut up," he mutters

   "Holy shit are you dying?" Ellie doesn't shut up.

   He begins to mumble under his breath, "okay, okay. I'm okay, I'm fine."

   "No but are you because just a reminder if your dead we're fucked," I pinch Ellie's hand at this because that was rude and inconsiderate.

   "I said I'm fine," He stands, "just the cold air all of a sudden."

   Ellie seems shaken but shrugs it off and takes charge, pulling me forward. "Okay let's go find Tommy and the fireflies, it'll be easy all we have to do is cross the river of death."

   I pinch her again.