𝗮𝗹𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁.

thirteen.

   "Henry no!"

   "Athy!"

   My eyes snap open and I turn to Joel, the man grinning at me, "did you hear me? I found this in there. Beefaroni, chef boyardee."

   I muster up a small smile, "that's cool."

   "And have you ever played this?" he holds out a box, "boggle? It's a word game. If you wanna beat me at something it would be this."

   I can tell he's trying to make me smile so I let out a light laugh before turning my back to him once again. I hear Joel sigh as he looks over my shoulder to where Ellie is sitting alone in the bed of a truck.

   Things have been like this ever since that day.

   Ellie has shut down.

   She's no longer my big sister.

   She's no longer anyone.

   Joel has been trying harder to get through to us but he just can't. Everytime we're alone I see his lips part as he wants to ask what happened inside of that burning building yet he never does.

   I don't know what I would say if he did.

   Maybe I would say that's where I died because that's what it feels like.

   David took a part of me in that place that I don't think I'll ever get back. After he's touched it, I don't know if I want it back.

   I've been trying hard to act normal. I don't think about it and I don't dream about it. It's like it never happened. I can't shut down like Ellie because then Joel would have no one.

   I can't do that to him.

* * *

   I've stopped counting my age. Now I count how many times Joel looks back at me and Ellie.

   I've counted 29.

   Ellie has my hand in her grasp and she squeezes it tightly. She squeezes it like we're still in that burning building, running from a man who thinks he's god.

   Joel wanders around the building we're in and I slip my hand out of Ellie's to follow him. I don't think she even notices.

   "If I give you a boost, you think you can drop that ladder down here?"

   I nod, "let's do it."

   Joel climbs up onto the stacked crates beneath the hole we're in and I climb up beside him as he kneels, placing his hands on my waist.

   He must've seen my smile drop because he moves them under my armpits, boosting me onto his shoulders. I pull myself onto the cement floor, dust falling as I stand.

   It takes me awhile to pick up the rusty ladder and lower it down, in the process I catch a glimpse of something over my shoulder, "no way..."

   The ladder falls from my grip and I hear Joel curse, "Athy dammit!"

   I suddenly hear Ellie's voice as well, "Where's Athy? What happened?"

   However I ignore both, racing up the stairs and to an opening in the wall where I saw them. I make it there and there they are. Two giraffes, eating the leaves from the tree growing beside the building.

   A moment later Ellie appears by my side, out of breath, "Athy what..." she trails off, the animals catching her attention. I watch her breath out, a grin forming on her face.

   I did it, I made Ellie smile.

   This forces me to grin too.

   I turn over my shoulder and see Joel, the man staring at us in awe. He then makes his way forward, pulling a branch of leaves off the tree.

   "Don't scare it," Ellie orders.

   "I won't, come here."

   He hands her a branch of leaves, the giraffe sticking out his tongue to eat them from her hand and Ellie lets out a laugh. Once the giraffe finishes its meal, it turns to leave, Ellie's smile dropping, "where's it going?"

   I grab her hand, "come on!"

   We race up the stairs, all the way to the roof and watch as the herd makes their way away all together. It takes a few minutes for Joel to join us, the man sighing, "so is it everything you hoped for?"

   I stay quiet, Ellie smiling, "it has its ups and downs but, man, you can't deny that view."

   The silence echoes around us before Joel decides to speak again, "look I don't know exactly where this hospital is-"

   "We'll find it," Ellie interrupts, looking out into the distance.

   "Sure," Joel shrugs, "maybe there's nothing bad out there but so far there's always been something bad out there."

   I feel Ellie's hand tighten in mine, "we're still here though."

   "I'm only saying there's risks," he turns fully to us, his voice becoming more urgent, "we don't have to do this."

   I narrow my eyes at him, "what do you mean? What else would we do?"

   "Nothing, we just go back to Tommy's, we just forget about the whole damn thing," there's desperation in his voice.

   "After everything we've been through," Ellie frowns, "everything I've done, it can't be for nothing."

   She sighs and I sense Joel's disposition begin to shift, "I know you mean well, I know you want to protect me- you have. And when we're done we'll go wherever you want, Tommy's, sheep ranch, the moon," she chuckles.

   "I'll follow you anywhere you go, but there's no halfway with this. We finish what we started."