The End

Chapter 16: Tired of Pretending

"If we don't get renewed, we pretend like this never happened," Ellen said firmly eating stale pretzels from the pantry in their trailer.

"What if we do?" Patrick countered, feeling more hopeful today.

"We pretend like this never happened," she answered him tightly.

"Okay but..." Patrick began.

"Patrick," his name coming off her lips made him freeze immediately. "Some things you just don't talk about." She felt as though he was seeing into her soul, but she didn't hate it. Ellen met his eyes, "Some things you can't discuss or dissect... they just are what they are."

"And what was this..." his smooth voice made her squirm a little but she was stronger than that.

"This was a complication of the job," She smiled a little knowing it came out colder than she meant it.

He didn't seem to be offended. She watched a smile break his lips, "A complication of the job. You are something else Pompeo."

"We stepped too close to the edge," Ellen's voice was firm but strangely vulnerable, "and slipped." She paused a long moment, waffling between lightheartedness and the weight of knowing she had just become the other woman, if only for a night, "We just..." Ellen simultaneously shrugged and sighed, "See what happens."

"Ok," he nodded and stood to straighten his shirt. Patrick caught her eyes again as she was reaching for her things. "Hey," he grabbed her arm softly, "A complication of the job or not... You know I care about you, and respect you," his voice sincere and buttery, "I hope we get the chance to see what happens."

The idea of this show they'd invested their time and energy in getting picked up felt far fetched. Not because it wasn't good, just because it had never happened to her before. But as she looked into the eyes of a man she had just given herself to in the most intimate way, she couldn't help but feel like this wasn't the last time they'd be standing too close to the edge. 

Ellen had spent what felt like a lifetime pretending.  Yes, it was her chosen career, make believe, but it was more than that. She spent their time together pretending not to watch him, to care where he was or if he was watching her. Carefully curating a relationship that looked appropriate, only to slip up over and over. Time after time returning to her vow to 'pretend it never happened'.  Hours, turned into days and days into years. Pretending the little stolen moments weren't what she lived for. Tonight, she was tired of pretending.

The hours between the park and present seemed to blur. Something that happens when you arrive somewhere without intention. Perhaps it's as simple as autopilot. It could be stepping too close to the edge of a slippery slope. The timeline glitches somewhere between a past life and the present, aligning unexpectedly to take you somewhere you hadn't planned. It could be something more beautiful, like fate, or destiny. Whatever it was, Patrick was it to Ellen.

Subconsciously drawn to him, pulled into his orbit all of these years. Most of the time it felt comforting. The knowledge that no matter how far apart life may take them, their story will start again somewhere in time.

Ellen didn't feel that way with many people in her life. There had been doors that opened and closed. People visiting for a reason, or season. But Patrick seemed to stand the test of time. It often made her question what that meant. Tonight, more so than ever.

Had they spent all of these years avoiding the inevitable? Missing what their hearts desired most only to buy time apart? The last decade a band-aid peeling slowly from the arm of their families. Pinching skin and pulling tiny hairs. Only to end up never sparing anyone pain in the end?