I see them all stood in suits on the other side of the grave as they lower her into the ground "amen" the pastor says as they cover the casket with dirt
I keep my head low and walk away
And I get into my apartment I take off my black long coat when my phone rings " hello" " esme it's me coming out" I sigh " no not in the mood I'll call you later or tomorrow even" he hums and ends the phone
I put my coat back on I need coffee
I walk out and to a coffee shop and get a iced coffee and a sandwich
I prop my phone up so I can watch Netflix and listen through my headphones and I do so when someone sits at my table my head snaps up I see him and his little spawns I roll my eyes
Lucky I've demolished my food I stand up taking my drink " sit down" he says I scoff " hello esme how have you been for the past fucking 18 years great by the was father if you haven't already gathered" I hiss out at him
" now fuck off and leave me alone" I walk out I hear them follow me I just walk to my apartment and I get in dumping my drink on the side and as I go to the cupboard the door opens
" you should lock your door" I roll my eyes " leave me the fuck alone" I shout annoyed that they have followed me
And the other two walk in they make themselves comfortable as my father walks around the apartment and I go into my room peeling off my coat throwing it on the back of my door he follows looking around
" y-you have a crib" I nod " yes" I say as I go to try take my shoes of my phone rings I groan and pick it up " yes Chris what's up"
" I need $20 for a taxi" he slurs I end the call " your having a baby" I scoff " yes now leave me alone"
I can't reach my boots I give up my back hurts " here let me help" I shake my head and my phone rings again it's Chris I end it and he rings again
I end it
And again
I end it
I stand up and open the window putting my hands on it leaning I throw the phone at the wall and it shatters
I feel my tears fall " get out" I shove him out my room " get out I don't want to know any of you so get out" I shove him out all the way to the front door opening it shoving him out and the other two follow
-
It's been a month they come every day some days I'm in some days I'm not the post notes saying they have been
" I- I can't do this esme not anymore" my tears fall as I watch him pack his bags " what do you mean I'm having your baby and you can't do it" I cry at him " you your to much I'm 20 I'm in my prime time" he walk past me into the kitchen
" Chris please" he opens the door and I cry as he give me the apartment key back " esme"
I watch him walk away " Chris"
I shut the door and go to the kitchen finding it hard to breathe from how much I'm crying " esme listen your okay" I shake my head. "H-he's g-gone mum said he would"
I cry harder I feel him hug me " breathe breathe please" I finally calm down and we are all sat in the livingroom
" what happened" Ezra asks " we had an argument he wanted money to go out drinking he's always out never helping so I said no and he had a fit I just know he won't come back now no reason for him to" I say taking a deep breathe
" your having his baby" I scoff " yeah well not all men are fucking Prince Charming are they" I stand up with a groan my bump gets bigger by the day and my back hurts
I go to the kitchen to get the cold water out the fridge and I see the alchol on the side I unscrew the lids and dump it down the sink
I see nothing else I go to my room and take off my shoes I feel water " no no no" I literally hate life right now
" you okay esme enzo asks I shiver as a contraction starts " no my waters broke fuck no this can't be happening" I call my midwife but she hasn't answered
I change and find my sliders I grab the hospital bag carrying it out past the livingroom I dump it near the door before grabbing my keys and getting a bottle of iced water " ahh" I groan in pain doubling over
" no no this can't be happening why now fuck me" I groan " we can take you" I shake my head as I look around for my car keys
" he's taken my fucking car" my tears fall as I call my midwife again she doesn't answer " okay no panicking let enzo take the bag and let us help you down " I have the car seat in my car dad I need it"
" no it's okay" I shake my head
We pull up to the hospital and I feel sick
" youse need to go she needs to give birth now" I look at my dad he smiles encouragingly
" come one esme"
I push and there's no cry when they put him on my chest he's tiny " so sorry he's born asleep" I feel my lip wobble
I stroke his cheek as they put a blanket over him
It was just us for 3 hours until the door opened again
" we have to take him" I nod and they did I've never felt so numb in my life
-
I step into the apartment it's empty Ezra puts the hospital bag in my room and stops infront of me " call us if you need us" I nod and he walks out I lock the door
-
I lay on my side in bed stairing at the empty crib my face hot from crying so much
" hey brought coffee" I see dad he's been making an effort I just lay here day in day out thinking about absolutely nothing but everything at the same time " thanks" I sit up and prop my pillows up taking the coffee and he sits next to me
We are going to dinner want to come" he asks I shake my head " not ready not yet I don't think" he nods and we stare at my blank wall
" how are you feeling" I shrug " feel like I ran a marathon to have no medal even though I deserved it" I lean into him he puts his arm around me " your brave did you know that"
" we are having dinner in the Beverly babes enzo insisted so we will be there at 8" I nod and thank him as he gets up " dad" he look at me from the door " thank you" he smiles at m
I got dressed and walked into the restaurant and someone stops me " I'm with three men in suits" I say they nod. And I find them slipping into the spare seat " your here " I nod " looks like it"
I look at the menu " pasta is the best here" enzo says I nod and get a chicken tagaletti and the waiter comes over
Dad orders for me " drinks" he asks again dad orders for me
-
We walk along the beach and I sigh " esme" I turn and see Chris " go away" I say and he grabs my arm " where's the baby if your here
