I'm sat on top of the bonnet of a car kissing a man I don't remember his name " orla" I hear and ignore them as he gets ripped off me I see dad I groan
" now" I nod wiping my lips with my sleeve jumping down following him " what are you playing at" I shrug " waiting for you" I say and he sighs as we get in his car I get in the back
As my uncle Leo gets in the front with dad
" when are you going your mothers" I sigh " go back your and her shower and changed first then I'll go" I say as I sigh we pull up to the apartment black
Soon we are stepping out of the penthouse and into the car park
" your quiet you okay" I nod at dad as we get in the car
Dad lives in the centre of New York and has all the nice cars and clothes and owns clubs and restaurants
My mum is an alcoholic that brings drug dealers to the house and I just have to some how deal with barely being able to sleep
I only see my dad every two weeks
We get to the side of the town where mum lives he parks afew blocks away " let me walk you" I shake my head " I'll be okay I'll message you" I say he nods and i say goodbye walking to the house
I see mum in the kitchen " hey glad your back how was it" I nod " it was okay feel abit sick though from the meat I ate" I say and she nods " wanna try something" I look at her confused " what" I ask and she pulls me towards her room and we sit on the bed
And she pulls out a needle from a box
" no no no mum" I stand up and she grabs me by my arm " yes please for me" I shake my head " mum it will mess up my levels you can't do that please
She stabs it into me
And I scream and cry falling to my knees
-
I wake up and see dads calling " your levels are very down" I groan " what times it" I ask him " 4 o'clock in the morning is your machine not going off" I look down at my arm
"Orla get dressed I'll be at the house in 30 and I'm taking you for food" I shake my head " no it's fine I was just to asleep"I reason with him
" I'll go get some food now okah and you'll see" he hums " love you kid" I smile " love you too dad"
I get downstairs and get some food before going back upstairs I hear the door open and shut I hear laughing and a man's voice I get dressed and get some shoes on before climbing out my window
I get a train into the centre of new York and then walk to dad's apartment block and straight up in the lift
And I knock on the door
It swings open I see dad he's half asleep in just basketball shorts " what are you doing in the cold in just a jumper" he pulls me into the penthouse
" how did you get here" I shrug " I walked" I say and he sighs punching the bridge of his nose " you walked all the way here " I shake my head
" I got the train then walked it's quiet outside unusual though" I say and dads bedroom door opens out walks a woman with his shirt on
" oh oh ohhhh" I say going back and forth " yeah I'm gonna go back mums have fun or whatever" I say moving around dad and leaving before he could stop me
I walk down to the lobby and sit outside on a bench and Bobby the driver pulls up sitting next to me " he's still your dad kid" I nod wiping my tears " I know I just - inbetween mums and dad there's no normality you know I know where to go when im upset or mum does anything what happens if he's not there anymore "
He shrugs " we all have to adapt orla" I nod " you think he'll not want to see me anymore" I ask and he laughs " he looses his mind checking your app every hour" I nod and stand up " tell dad I'll be back later tonight" he gives me a nod
-
I'm walking into a posh restaurant where mum and dad have asked me to meet them and to addition walking up to the table there's two other people sitting on either side of them I sit at the head of the table
" your late orla"I hear mum say I nod " I was bumped into Liza you know the woman that used to do my hair" she hums looking me up and down
" so we are both in relationships and we thought it was better doing it this way" I look at dad and then look around the table and then back at dad
" so this is bianca the girl from earlier" I nod as she smiles at me and mum speaks up " this is Micheal" I nod
" could you not had changed" I look at my lap I'm wearing a black tracksuit with red and black Jordan's
I didn't have time to change I feel a tear drop I wipe it before standing up
" orla please sit down" I hear dad say and I shake my head " I just need to - just need to process it" I say as I walk away I get out the restaurant doors and a sob leaves my lips
I walk and it starts raining but I don't care
I now have no place to go
When they both want to have kids start a family am I'm in the way
I sit on the edge of the bridge watching the water below me as the rain soaked me my machine starts beeping so I know it's time to go
-
I get to the penthouse and knock and dad opens the door he pulls me I.
" where have you been ey" I shrug " just for a walk" I say as I walk around him and down the hall to my room I open the door a pull my soaking hoodie off
And throw it in the basket and he walks in " you can always come here" I shake my head " no not when all of you start to have families and you two are married and I'm a reminder off your old wife"
I sit on the bed letting my tears fall
" I just - I don't feel at home anymore anywhere I go I don't feel at peace I don't feel like I belong anywhere like I'm just the extra piece when needed"
My machine begins to bleed I rip it off the waist band of my pants and throw it to the floor and it stops
" and I'm sick of that and I'm sick of always being left behind okah I'm just tired and no one is listening to me anymore" I let out sobs
" can you just go I want to be alone" he nods hesitantly leaves and shuts the door I shower and change into basketball shorts and a hoodie
At 5am I'm freezing and over heating at the same time
I get into the kitchen to get my first aid back I put it on the counter and prick my finger before waiting for the result " there low" I look up and see dad " I lick my lips yet again
" I-" he moves around me to the cupboard and lifts out a bag of sweets I smile lightly taking one and having it I hum i delight
" I-I'm sorry" I say and he smiles at me " it's okay at least you said it is read of keeping it in for that machine you'll get one in the middle of the week" I nod
