'Shit' I mentally cursed, It was 4am, Everyone was asleep except me because all I could think about were those chips I abandoned on the couch, Maybe I should have ate something because now My stomach was grumbling loudly.
'I wonder if jinns asleep too. Kai get it together you have more strength than this, Drink water' I told myself while quietly getting up from where I was supposed to be sleeping, Everyone was spread out across the room. Ren and kathya taking the only bed in the room, While janice and lara were cuddled up on the floor kind of close to me.
I snuck around the house like a church mouse , tippy toeing into jinns kitchen to get a glass of water to satisfy my hunger. 'His parents must be rich' I thought while admiring the black marble counters, His parents seem to love that modern look.
I chugged the first glass trying my best to not make too much noise, I still didnt feel satisfied 'Shit' I chugged another glass of water, I was struggling, The living room was right next to the kitchen making it harder to not run over to the couch and down the chips in an instant.
I was still hungry, Hungry and mad at myself, Why was I letting myself get tempted. I chugged another glass while trying not to look at the couch 'I wonder what he has in his fridge.Curiosity killed the cat kai!go to bed' I should have stayed home, This whole day I messed up and I didnt even burn that many cals!. I was stronger than this, I was on my fourth glass, Quickly chugging the fourth glass before washing the cup, I put it on the drying rack and tip toed back to the room where I was staying.
As I laid back down I winced, My stomach felt so full yet so empty at the same time, Mental hunger was most definitely worse than physical hunger, It gave you nightmares, It made it so that the only thing on your mind was food food food and more food, Salty foods sweet foods sour foods crunchy fried creamy soft chewy chocolaty fluffy You name it, I was aware this wasnt the most normal thing ever.
Normal people didnt spend hours watching mukbangs to satisfy their mental hunger, They didnt spend hours in grocery stores reading the labels just to leave the store with only 2 items, They didnt look at 9 year olds with envy because the 9 year old had a better thigh than them, I was semi aware about how weird the inside of my head was. Too afraid to tell any one, Not even ana.... after all how good was she? Theres nothing stopping her from sabotaging me and telling everyone about our little secret.
I stared blankly at the ceiling of jinns house, I felt content. Previous temptations seemingly gone, Thats when it hit me 'Fuck I need to pee' I got up, Hand on my stomach. I impatiently walked to the guest bathroom, The cold tile floor not making the trip to the bathroom any easier.
I quietly closed the door behind myself, Turning the lights on,I avoided the mirror like the black plague, Afraid to get sucked in. Its like when you started looking you couldnt stop until your face started to morph into a totally different person, A more ugly and deformed version of yourself.
I squatted over the toilet, Not only because I couldn't trust the toilet but also because squatting was a workout and I tried to add workouts in everything I did.
After I was done I used the bidet, By now my legs were slightly shaking. I ignored it and washed my hands, Keeping my head down, An itch formed and the only thing that could scratch it was looking in the mirror 'Just for a little bit' I promised myself while finally looking in the mirror, I had bags under my eyes, My eyes were red, Everything on me was unfortunate, I took my eyes off the mirror before my reflection got more ugly.
Finally I could relax while getting lost in my head, Isn't it so interesting how in your childhood you're afraid of normal shit like the dark, Being alone, Not having friends, Being scared of going to the first grade because you thought it would be stressful, And now you're looking back missing those times, Because you're no longer afraid of silly shit like the dark or.... not being by your moms side 24/7, And to replace it is your body, Being forced to grow up, Getting closer to death every day, Drifting away from the people you once adored, Having to get a job, Getting made fun of, Falling in love, Those voices that tell you to cut yourself, All Of it, Whenever I do dumb shit I tell myself "it'll workout in the end" But what if it doesn't, What if my actions lead to my death?, What if- shit that got dark.
Finally I was able to drift off.
~Timeskip to the morning~ The room was quiet, I woke up around 7am. As much as I wanted to sleep in I didnt allow myself.
Instead I stretched before going to the bathroom to wash up, Thankfully jinn had extra toothbrushes. I washed my face, Brushed my teeth, Unfortunately I didnt have my skincare stuff "guess I'll have to do that at home" I said in a small voice while massaging my face, Thats when I heard creaking near the door 'Oh shit did I wake them up?' I thought while slowly opening the door only to meet eyes with jinn, As I locked eyes with the taller male what had happened last night immediately came back to me sending a pink tint to my cheeks
"What the fuck?" He groaned, I blushed at his deep voice, His black hair was fluffy and sticking up in every angle, His eyes were half closed "Im soo sorry, Did I wake you?" I softly said while turning the bathroom light off
"What? What are you up soo early?" he whispered while stretching his arms, "T-this is when I usually get up" I said while nervously playing with my hands, My voice pathetically cracking while I spoke "Are you sure you're 16 and not 70?" He joked noticing how nervous I was, "Haha" I chuckled "Last night you said you had a workout room" I paused "Do you mind if I use it?" I asked while taking in his features once again "Yeah sure, Im not sure what clothes you would use though" He replied while stretching his neck, Thats when his face lit up "Could I work out with you too?" He said with bright eyes.
"I mean its your house sure" I said, As much as I would love to see his arms in a tank top,,it scares me to work out around others "I might have shorts from when I was younger, You can use those" He said while he started walking, I assumed he was going to wash up also. 'Todays gonna be interesting' I thought while walking back to the room where I slept To retrieve my phone 'Looks like Im gonna have to workout in my bra' Thank god I wore a sports bra.
While I waited for him to come back I scrolled through tumblr, Surprised to see that one of my posts blew up.
Kaykay15Followed
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rrenrren: Bro bought designer once and felt the need to announce it to the whole world
Hearts4sk1nny: BRUH how did u lose soo much weight poo
Kaykay15replying toHearts4sk1nny: Dont eat.
Renes_b1tch: Maybe you're cold cuz you have your stomach out put on real clothes silly ☠️
Jinnxedout: 🫣Am I allowed to look?
I laughed at his comment, I blushed when I saw that he liked the pic. Maybe we do have a chance? Call me delusional but maybe he does like me and maybe what ana said was all a lie theres no way he likes janice.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when jinn came back with a pair of black shorts "Thanks" I let out as I grabbed the shorts, "I can wait for you if you want" He said, I took in his outfit, He had on a black fitted tank top with black shorts "Looks like we're gonna be matching" I added, I didnt bother answering his question because by the time I said that he was already engrossed in his phone.
*** The end....Or is it muhahahash Im starting to lose the motivation for this😭😭☠️
