• deep down the rabbit hole. ▓ suguru niragi centered

puppet. ; 29

tw ; sexual assault, panic attacks

i was bored, so i started planlessly walking through tokyo. i made my way to the pedestrian zone, since there were a lot of shops i could check out to pass the time. it got dark, slowly, but steady. i smiled, anticipating the night. being consumed by the darkness, so that the darkness inside me wasn't that visible anymore. i quickly snapped out of my thoughts when suddently, from a side street, i heard screaming. 'no! let me go! stop!' i widened my eyes-i knew that voice well. i rushed into the street, only to see a very particular person standing in between a few guys that tried to take a hold of her.

'come on, let's have some fun together, girl! we could die every day, so why not celebrate our life with a delicious snack like you?', one of the men exclaimed, pulling her into his arms. 'let her go.' i started moving quickly into their direction. 'don't worry, mate, you can have her after we're done with her.', he turned around to me, smiling pervertedly. 'i said,' i started again, 'let her go. if you value your life, you should go. now.'

he looked a bit discouraged, but put on a tough front. 'aw, come on, man. in this world, everything is legal! even enjoying onself with some pretty women.' he laughed and pressed his hands against the her chest, who didn't even react, eyeing me shockedly. 'that mindset won't get you far. i learned that the hard way. now let her-' 'BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.' the man made, and something in me snapped. bringing me to taking out my gun. 'i'll count to five, if you're not the fuck away from her, you're dead. one, two-' he laughed again. 'what are you, my mom or something?'

'five.' i whispered and a loud bang was heard. i looked the guy dead in the eye as the light in his eyes faded. the usual satisfaction filled my veins, making me smirk. the other guys screamed and ran. i resisted the urge to kill them all, to focus on the woman, that was now coated in the blood of the guy, that laid behind her on the ground. the usual so composed facade was switched with a horrified one, eyeing me anxious. i came a step closer. 'are you okay... ann?'

--- ann ---

i took a step back. 'what will you do to me?', i asked. he needed to smile and looked down quickly, only to look up again. 'who says i'm going to do anything to you?' 'my instinct.', i whispered, taking another step back. 'your instinct is reasonable.', he chuckled. 'you don't look well. do you want to come with me? when was the last time you ate? or drank?' he then changed the subject, inspecting me. 'i'm sorry, did you say "i think you're stupid so i'ma pretend i care for you to take you to my house and rape me"? no, no thanks.'

niragi chuckled. 'i won't rape you. believe it or not. i won't do anything you wouldn't want. i promise.' i shook my head. 'why did you save me?' niragi sighed. 'things... happened.' he avoided my gaze. 'well, basically, i-i'm changing. myself.' i narrowed my eyes. 'i find that rather hard to believe. not, when you just killed someone, and you felt good about it.' he chuckled. 'i feel like that will always be a part of me. i didn't want to kill him-he could have lived if he would have let you go.'

'why?' he looked up, confused. 'what, "why"?' 'why would you have a reason to let him go? what's your motivation to change?' he stayed still for a moment, before answering. 'someone special opened my eyes.' he then whispered. 'i don't believe a word of what you're saying.' i whispered back. he smiled softly. 'i won't force you into believing me.' he walked towards me, and i went backwards. 'w-what do you want?', i asked with a shaky voice. 'do you... have a weapon?' i widened my eyes. did he want to fight against me?! 'why?', i choked up. he came to a stand a meter before me.

'it's not safe out here. especially for women. you should know that.' he pulled something out of his pocket and held it into my direction. a knife, foldable, but very sharp. 'you don't need to kill people to protect yourself.' i looked straight into his eyes, those dark, determined eyes, trying to read in them what he was really thinking-but i couldn't look through the wall that was still present, shielding him. he sighed. 'alright-' he put the knife on the ground and went a few steps back. 'i'ma head off now. don't die.' he smiled and turned around, slowly walking away.

i looked at him as he left the street, fear still holding my heart. 'no, wait!' i exclaimed, following an impulse, 'i'll come with you.' he didn't turn around as he waited for me to pick up the knife and come to him. 'what changed your mind? i could just pretend to respect your boundaries to make you feel safe.' i chuckled. 'that would be something you could do. but you're the only person i would be able to kill.' i pulled out the knife he gave me. 'are you sure?' he smirked.

'definetly. to your question-you seem genuine. less like the psycho you were at the beach.' 'well, i guess i snapped back into reality.' he mumbled. 'good to hear.' i whispered as we walked, a calming silence washing over us. i started thinking about what just happened, about the men, and how they had looked at me like a piece of meat. i could feel their disgusting hands all over me, on my arms, my waist, in my hair, on my breasts... the memory left a tingeling feeling all over my body, and i started scratching my arms, trying to stop it.

i panicked when i realised that it didn't work. my movements got harder and hastier, desperately trying to stop their hands touching me. 'hey ann! stop that!' niragi exclaimed, fear in his voice. i bit on my lip and pressed my eyes together while looking down. 'please, ann, stop! you'll scratch open your skin!' but i didn't listen. the feeling was overwhelming, my whole body tingled, which felt like thousands of little electric shocks. niragi grabbed my wrists. "come on, puppet, let's calm down a bit together!" "believe me, you will love us!" "why can't you stay still?!"

i screamed and desperately tried to get away from him, my sight blurred by tears. 'ann! you're with me, you're safe now!', i heard niragi say from far, far away. his voice sounded like i was miles under water. a warmth engulfing me pulled me back up, so hard, that my legs gave in. 'i got you. i got you, don't worry.' i heard niragi's voice near my hear, in whoms arms i hung like a wet potato sack. he had hugged me in the hear of the moment. my ear was on his heart, which was beating fastly. 't-thanks.' i whispered shakily.

'it's okay. you're safe. i'm here.' he mumbled. then, he slowly picked me up. 'i will carry you, alright?' and he started moving. i wrapped my legs around his waist to not fall down. 'c-can you please talk to me?' i whispered. 'sure. about what?' he said in a calm, neutral voice, so different from his usual persona. 'tell me about you.' i asked. 'well, my name is suguru niragi, i'm twenty-two, i am a video game developer... my favourite colour is red, i have a pet parrot called kiyo... my favourite plant is the ruscus aculeatu...' he continued to tell me trivial facts about himself, and i was able to forget the assault for a while.

'alright, there we are.' he went into a building and carried me up into the sixth floor. i was almost asleep, since it was almost midnight. 'sleep, now.' he whispered as he put me down onto my bed and pulled the blanket over me. 'if you need me, i'm in the living room.' was the last thing i heard before i drifted off to sleep.