PROOF I HAVE A HEART
Every time Lila closes her eyes, she sees red.
Blood, to be more specific.
Cuddled in her blankets, willing sleep, tears bridge her eyes and threaten to fall. Now that things have settled down, the guilt has started to flush all of the feel-good moments from a few hours ago. She grapples to hold onto the way she felt when she kissed Luke, because what she feels right now fucking sucks.
Moving from her bed to the mirror, she is met with utter disgust at the girl she is becoming. Not because she killed someone to save Luke, but because she didn't regret it, because she would do it again.
There is a word for people like her. A monster.
Caleb occupies her thoughts. She wonders if he has, no, had, a pet that was waiting for him to come home, a best friend or co-worker that planned to see him the next day. Luke said he didn't have any family, but there had to be someone. He was a person, after all.
Luke was very adamant that Lila not think about Caleb, and if she did, she was to come find him immediately.
But Luke's earlier praise tickled her spine. He was proud of her for what she did, he liked the person she was turning into. For that reason, she couldn't burden him with this. She had to deal with the aftermath on her own, and if that means crying herself to sleep for the next month, so be it.
Never one for restless nights, Lila needs to find something to occupy her mind.
She sneaks down to the basement, opening the armory door like she remembers Luke doing. She makes a beeline for the computer, going straight to Google. Her hands shake as she types into the search engine.
Body found in New York City...
New York City, Caleb, deceased...
Recent obituaries in New York City...
She sighs, feeling conflicted as there is no trace of what happened a few short hours ago. She assumes there will be a funeral. Maybe she could pay for it, send flowers, something.
"What are you doing in here?"
Lila jumps at the voice behind her, swiping her hands under her eyes to get rid of any stray tears. She swivels in the chair, facing Calum. "I just needed the computer for something."
The boy nods, stepping closer until he can see the distress in her eyes and her forced smile. "Woah, who died?"
Lila knows it was a lighthearted joke, but it crushes her.
Her head and heart pound furiously in her body, as if they are mad at her for what she did.
A wave of nausea rolls through her stomach, face screwing up to keep the tears locked inside. "Caleb. Caleb is dead."
His brows fall into a furrow. "Who is that? Are you alright?" Calum feels he just stumbled into something a little heavier than he intended.
She juggles with the decision to tell Calum, worried he will think differently of her, judge her.
Though somewhere between their first interaction to now, he became someone Lila could trust.
"He's the... man I killed." Her voice breaks as her head lowered in shame, knees hugged to her chest.
A hundred puzzle pieces, but only a few seem to fit as his eyes widen in surprise. "No fucking way. That's good... right? I knew you had it in you."
She doesn't agree, doesn't look at him, just slumps over in the chair as a faint sob leaves her lips.
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𝘿𝙀𝘾𝙀𝙋𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 • 𝙇𝙍𝙃
Fanfiction"Anger makes a man do stupid things. It brings them to their knees and has them burning cities to the ground." "Oh, he isn't angry. He's in love." . . . In which an innocent girl is swept into the life of a ruthless gang member with a lot of secr...
