MATT STURNIOLO In Denial

Chapter Two

Me and my mom have to drive together since I don't have a car right now. Also because the doctor hasn't cleared me for driving yet with the meds I'm still on. And even if he had, it's honestly the last fucking thing so wanna do. Also cause last time I was driving- well, I guess now were here. Because I moved back in after the crash, so for lots of reason I have to get in this car with her, and for every more reasons Im not happy about it. I wave goodbye to the boys which my mom notices and frowns at. I try and ignore it but I see it, and I think the boys do to.

"That was really rude." She says breaking the silence, copying my sisters annoyance at the boys interruption at the funeral. We'd been driving for about ten minutes and hadn't said a word to each other yet. I was content with the silence, and disappointed when she broke it. I hated being in the car. It makes me feel sick and I try and hold my breath to control my breathing.
"I'm sorry." I say. I keep my eyes down so I don't have to watch the world go by, so I don't vomit.
"I mean," her voice breaks for a second, and she breaths in sharply to get it back. "I know you've been through a lot." She says. "More than any of us. I know I might not get it." She pauses again. "But you've just lost your father and those triplets-" she looks at me, which I can feel but don't look up to greet. Her disappointment I know she hates how much time I spent with them since the crash, but I don't want a boy lecture right now, or ever for that matter.
"Mom." I beg. Don't, I think, just don't.
"I know your have a crush on that one, your always taking about him. Your 21- " —. "and you called that pastor- " her words are broken by sobs. "I just feel like these boys are too much of a distraction Bailey." She pauses again to sniff up some more tears before she goes on. "I'm worried you haven't really processed everything."
"Mom I promise I'm okay. It's just really nice to be a bit distracted today." She nods.
"I know it's hard to understand, but I promise I'm okay. I just-" I get another headache. This time it's worse but I ignore it. "The meds I'm on for my head are just making me feel a bit off."
"The doctor said that might happen." She nods again. This seems to help her make since of it.
"Will you tell me if your not okay?" She corrects herself. "If you ever become not okay? These meds won't last forever, and when you stop feeling as numb-."
"I will mom I promise." Of course I'd rather talk to anyone else but her, but I say it so she will feel better. I'd probably turn to Matt honestly, if I did ever wanna talk. But not yet, I think.

When we get home, I take a deep breath as I step out of the car. My muscles had been tense the whole ride, and my breathing too sharp. I feel the solid ground under my feet and I feel relief that this car ride didn't end in funeral. My head still pounds and while my mom waits for the guests to come over I hide in my room. I get a text from Matt saying if I ever need anything to let him know. A smile peeks across my face.