Flawed and Tainted

CHAPTER 4. White carnation

Sam

After a few steps in the opposite direction to the flower shop I stood still. That was it. All the permits had now been delivered and I could finally go home. I sighed, somehow reflecting the exhausting day I had gone through, walking around town and talking to everyone. I was about to resume my way back home when my eyes fixed on a flower on the ground right next to me. It was quite far away from any of the plants at the entrance of Elga's shop. I figured maybe the wind had blown it away, once it was forsaken by its stem. I bowed down, picking up the flower just before realizing it was a lily of the valley. I smiled at it and kept on walking.

***

A few days had passed since the delivering of the permits and not much had happened. Everybody was somewhat hopeful still. Things at home were also quite normal. I had managed to preserve the lily by smashing it between the pages of a book until whatever bits of life remained when I picked it up were long gone. It sounds ugly. How in order to preserve something you sometimes have to make not very beautiful choices, going through hard processes.

I was now in front of a canvas, as I had been so many times before, staring into the white of it, which had always scared me. It still seemed as if I was unable to find a way out of my painting slump. Months were passing and still, no progress. No progress in my artistic journey as well as no progress in... My eyes dodged the canvas, looking around the room, trying to stop my brain from elaborating on those thoughts and instead, trying to find something that would inspire me. It was at that moment that my eyes fell on the flower I had picked up a few days ago. I stared back into the canvas, wondering if I should maybe try drawing the flower. Something in me said I should try, but at the same time, thoughts as to what would that lily change bombarded my mind. It wasn't the first time I made the effort to draw a flower in the past weeks. Why would this time be any different? Either way, I stopped thinking and did my best to concentrate and depict the flower on the nothingness of the canvas.

The streaks of paint began looking forced, almost awkward. But they slowly began to feel natural. Free. I eventually stopped, before backing away from the canvas and staring at it in awe. I had successfully painted the lily, with all its colors, all its shades, and all its details. It was the first time since my slump began that I had finished a painting. At the same time, that lily somehow reminded me of the reason why I enjoyed drawing flowers, as well as why I loved painting. I could see things from whatever perspective I desired, only limited by my imagination. There was a feeling about it I couldn't quite describe. Drawing was my way of living and experiencing life. People would normally just try to engrave the beautiful memories in their hearts and minds, or even take a photograph. However that was quite limited, for it could only reflect a close representation of reality. This was different.

My inspiration was finally beginning to bloom again. Thanks to a purple flower.

***

Days passed. I would always walk by the flower shop after breakfast, in hopes of finding new flowers to draw. Elga's helper eventually noticed my continuous presence and began talking with me almost every single day. This obviously made us grow a little closer. She seemed like a very nice girl. Considerate of people and always watching her words in order to not hurt anyone, even if the person was a total stranger. At the same time, I noticed she constantly tried to keep a certain distance, probably because she wasn't from the village and was planning on returning back to her hometown once "everything" was clear. Those were all my own second guesses. I still didn't have the courage to actually ask her. I felt it was too personal.

Time was ticking and still no sign of the person we were looking for. Of course, we still hadn't given up hope. We couldn't. If something were to go wrong, not only our nation but the six kingdoms would be in danger. The Mayor and his council had recently taken initiatives by putting up wanted posters all around town. It wasn't much, but it was still better than doing nothing. However, being surrounded by those posters every day all day made me feel uneasy, it being a constant reminder of what was going on with the barrier.

I stared outside, through the living room window. It was drizzling outside. The dewy meadows were beautiful, as well as the woods behind them. I reactivated myself, determined to get a cloak and head to town. Some rain wouldn't stop me from going to the flower shop. There were very few people on the streets. Most of them, I guessed, were in their homes, with their families, maybe near a fireplace just trying to get some warmth on a rainy day like this. My mind had always somehow been able to depict and reflect up to the detail whatever I thought and entertained my thoughts in. Maybe a blessing, maybe a curse, who knows...

Violet. I stopped walking, standing still looking at the girl I had recognized in the midst of the rain. How I recognized her, I do not know, for she had a hood over her head, protecting her from the wet weather. I remained still. My eyes fixed on her silhouette, undefined by the abundant rain. I then diverted my view towards what was behind her. A wall full of posters. Her hood fell a little as she looked up, letting her face meet the little drops of water that fell from the colourless sky.

I was about to say something before I stopped myself. She then fixed her hood and turned right, heading straight to her temporary domicile. This granted me the opportunity to see half of her face. It was humid, full of water drops but I believe I saw a tear run down her countenance as well. I evaded the thought, for it made no sense to me. That "tear" could easily be a raindrop.

***
Violet

"Looking for man/woman with white hair.  If found, please bring them to us.
REWARD: 1.000.000 Kunah

I just stared at the poster in front of me as the little drops of rain fell down my face. I read it again and again, unable to move.

My heart kept thumping, a hundred thoughts screaming in my mind at the same time, not being able to comprehend any of them. I shed a tear, which got mixed with the pouring rain. Seconds after the world suddenly went silent. My mind was blank. My face emotionless, now covered with raindrops. All I could hear were the little drops of water falling from the sky. They felt good. Soothing, in a way.

I fixed my hood and turned right, making my way back to the flower shop. Once in, I dried up and sat down by the counter. I wasn't sure if that poster could actually be of any harm to me in the near future. I had always felt persecuted. I guess it came with my "destiny", but being surrounded by wanted posters that wanted me was a whole different level. I curbed my thoughts, making myself believe I still had some advantage against them: they still had no idea what exactly they were looking for, a boy, a girl, old, young... Last but not least, they were expecting me to have white hair. The poster had left that part pretty clear. I felt a little throbbing in my chest as my mind went through those last thoughts. Silent tears began slipping through my cheeks once again.

As I stared into nothingness, my head tilted low, and my mind gathering up ideas and reorganizing my thoughts and feelings, the bell over the door rang. I directed my glance towards it, my eyes meeting Sam's. He had his characteristic smile on his face, though this time it looked somewhat shy.

"Hello Violet" he said, waving at me before coming closer.

I cleared my voice before answering.

"Hi Sam" I replied, doing my best to hide my teary voice. "Are you here for another flower?" I asked, trying to imitate his smiling gesture.

"Yes, I am" he then looked around the shop before looking at me again. "I would like to buy a white carnation today."

I looked at him, a bit taken aback by his choice. Before he could notice my surprise I walked towards his direction, passing right by him and grabbing a flower pot full of already cut white carnations. I then took it to the counter and chose the prettiest of them all. I pulled it out of the pot and looked at Sam for some kind of approval. I guess he's kind of slow for he just kept on staring at me with his broad smile. I couldn't help but genuinely mirror his lips this time. I put a piece of paper around my chosen flower, secured it with a piece of twine and handed It over to him, mouthing its price.

He paid and headed outside, thus leaving me alone with my thoughts again. "Not very talkative today" I thought. I stared into the rain. My mind had finally changed subjects it seemed. I discovered myself not thinking about the poster anymore but of the flower chosen by Sam. Why on earth, from all the flowers, would he ever choose a white carnation? Was it even a coincidence or an intentional choice? Either way, I found myself maintaining that involuntary smile that had transferred minutes ago from his face to mine.

"A white carnation" I whispered.