Only Freaking Superhero's

chapter 50

amelia's POV

today is mads' first therapy session and i am slightly nervous. i want everything to go perfectly so that she knows how good therapy can be and how it will help her in the long run. i know that today is going to be hard for her, and hard for me too, because i know she is going to have to relive the trauma that she has been through and it's going to hurt me knowing how much it all still pains her. despite her constant efforts to hide her pain, and sometimes she does do it really well, i know that at times she needs that extra support when she's thinking about her past.

i walk into my bedroom to see zona still sleeping peacefully - i'm glad that she can still relax and isn't feeling the nerves. i climb back into bed and snake my arm around her waist. she instantly snuggles into the curve created by my body and i pull her in closer, kissing her shoulder.

'good morning baby' i say gently, running my fingers up and down her arm.

'good morning' she groans back. 'how did you sleep?'

'not great, i'm worried about mads' first therapy session. i just don't know how she's going to take it  all and whether it will be too overwhelming for her.' i feel tears begin to form in my eyes, making me realise how much i actually care about mads. i knew that i loved her but i didn't realise i could love her even more. zona notices and instantly turns over to look at me, wiping the tears from my cheek with her thumb.

'mils, mads' is going to be perfectly fine, i promise you. she is strong, you know that, and she will be okay. she may hate it at first, but she knows that it is what is best for her and that it will improve her mental health. you need to stop stressing because if you're stressed then it's going to freak her out.'

i lay my head on zona's chest and listen to her heartbeat to help me calm down. she combs my hair with her fingers and kisses my head. i love this woman so much.

after a few moments, i sit up, kiss zona and head into mads' room. to my surprise she is already awake and smiles at me as i walk in. she is sat in bed on her phone so i go to sit next to her and she instantly snuggles into me. i wrap my arms around her and i notice how tense she is. i can tell that she is worried about her first therapy session but i know that she doesn't want to talk about it as i have tried to talk to her about it previously and she was very dismissive. i just take her hand in mind and squeeze it gently so she knows i'm here for her.

soon we get up and head downstairs to get some breakfast before we have to head to grey-sloan for the therapy session. i'm hoping that mads will feel more comfortable with it as it is in a familiar environment.

madison's POV

as we walk into grey-sloan i instantly feel myself tense up. this therapy session has been on my mind for days and now it is here. i didn't realise how stressed i would actually be when it came down to it. mum walks up me up to sophie's office and as soon as i see her name on the door i freak out even more. i feel tears forming in my eyes and i don't even know why. mum instantly notices and wraps her arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer into her. the closer we get the more i feel the urge to run. 

i stop still at the door and cannot force my legs to move any further. mum looks down at me and makes eye contact, making me stress even more. she knows that i don't want to go in.

'hey, hey, hey, it's okay mads, you don't need to stress. i know that you're worried and anxious about your first therapy session, but i know that you will be okay and you will get through it. it is going to be hard to begin with, but we talked about that and so you are aware of some of the emotions you might feel, like now. i promise that you'll be okay, yeah?' mum says lovingly.

'yeah' i respond quietly. 

'mum holds my hand and we knock on the door to sophie's office. as we enter the anxiety overwhelms me, but i try to contain it as much as possible.

'hi madison, it's nice to see you!' i don't respond but give a small smile and squeeze mum's hand tighter. 'it seems like we're feeling a bit nervous today am i right? sophie questions. i nod, shuffling closer to mum. 'okay, how about we let amelia stay today for the first session, would that be okay with you madison?' i smile and nod eagerly - having mum here will make this a lot easier. 

we begin by talking through my background and what my life used to be like with my old parents. i did cry a bit while talking about it but having mum there really helped me and she said some bits for me that i didn't want to talk about. sophie was very understanding and a good listener as she took in everything that i said and wrote some stuff down. 

sophie suggests that we make a list of safe people who i would be willing to talk to if i ever needed something, or wanted to take drugs. i began to list off people who are safe, such as mum, mama, jo, link, meredith and maggie. i think about suggesting eddie but she doesn't know that much about my past and i don't think i would actually talk to her if i was craving drugs. i probably would try to ignore her realistically.  

after making the list sophie gives it to me as she had her own copy in her notebook so that we could refer back to it in future therapy sessions and we head home. i am feeling very drained so as soon as we got home we sat down on the sofa. i snuggle up with mum while we watch a movie and i almost instantly fall asleep in her arms.