ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ꜰʀᴇᴇ - regulus black

chapter 19

Holidays started again. The moment Octavia stepped foot in her house, she hid in her room. She was seventeen and about to start her seventh-year and in one year from now on, she would be married off to Regulus Black. An immense sadness completely took over her at the thought. She already had a hard time witnessing her elder brother being constantly upset about his own marriage. Cecily Rowle was still the one he was supposed to marry, but Evan being their parents' favorite, he was given time to choose properly if there was someone he appreciated more. How lucky but seeing how nobody interested him it seemed like he would have no other choice. It was reluctantly that he would have to marry Cecily. Evan was great at honoring his family among Death Eaters but it was far from being the case when it came to becoming the new head of the Rosier family. And there was Felix who was still young and free. Fourteen was he and he didn't know his luck. He was still a child nobody cared about yet.

Octavia was busy doing nothing as it was usually the case but now that she finally had her apparate license, she could visit Lilah whenever she wanted to. Except that everyday her mother was on her back, saying they should start planning the wedding, already.

"Mother, the date isn't even set yet," sighed Octavia.

"It doesn't matter Octavia," she replied dryly, "we better be prepared in advance so you'll be quick to leave and start your own family. And this reminds me we should think of a house. Is there a place you want to leave in?"

"Since when did my opinion even matter?"

"Don't start with that insolent attitude. You're an adult now, behave like one."

And these conversations would always end in conflict. Other than that, her mother would also mention her grades.

"This is your last year, you better put efforts in your studies. You have to pass your N.E.W.T.s."

"Why does this even matter? I have no future anyways," she replied boringly.

"Don't say that Octavia! Your father agrees, he says it'll be good that for once you end the year with good grades. And not just the average to pass."

"Oh Father says that? And he didn't bother telling me his thoughts?"

"You know he's very busy."

"Sure. I'm busy too, I have to leave, bye."

"And may I know where are you going? Let me remind you we have things to do," replied her mother hauntingly with disinterest. She could expected her daughter's answer.

"I'm going to Lilah's."

"Lilah again? We've had this conversation with her parents and it seems like you two idle around way too much!" complained her mother, rising her voice in the process. 

"Why does it even matter? I do the bare minimum and that's enough. This conversation is now over!"

It was known in the Rosier family that Octavia had a bad temper. She could at least be left alone for some time thanks to that.

Holidays were mostly boring except when she was hanging out with Lilah which wasn't rare. But one day, she decided to hang out with Evan instead. He took her out to Diagon Alley and added that if she wasn't annoying he would buy her ice cream to which she replied by saying so affectionately that he was such a nice older brother. He agreed to that statement and she kicked him. 

It was such a busy afternoon like it always was in Diagon Alley. But for the girl, it was nice to see people that weren't her family. She spotted a few classmates and waved at them. And suddenly she came face to face with Rumi Blaine, that Ravenclaw girl she liked chatting with in class. But Rumi barely spared her a glance as she stopped in her tracks, in front of Evan more precisely. The boy stopped too and they stared at each other, seeming surprised. It took her a few seconds to finally turn her eyes to Octavia.

"Octavia! Hello! Funny seeing you there. I mean you two," she said, looking back and forth between the two, trying to look as normal as possible.

"Hi, Rumi, how are you?"

"I'm doing good, thank you. What about you?"

"I'm fine."

And then Rumi's brown eyes turned to Evan, awaiting his answer too.

"I'm good too," he simply stated, not looking much bothered or disturbed by the strange exchange.

"I'm glad to know. Well I should probably go. Besides you two must be busy," she uttered suddenly, her tone of voice sounding nervous. Her eyes wouldn't leave Evan's.

When she finally left, Octavia turned her interrogative eyes on her brother whose face flushed red.

"Evan. What was that?"

"What? Nothing-"

"Don't say nothing! You! And Rumi! Is there something between you two or what?" she exclaimed, not hiding her excitement. Even her eyes were shining in joy.

"No. I mean not really. I guess we got along last time you introduced us at this party and yes..."

The more Evan was speaking, the more his face was going darker.

"What party? You went to a party with Rumi?" 

"Maybe that was Ivanna who-"

Before he could finish, a thought hit Octavia and she exclaimed, "Okay. That's her!"

"Her what?" he asked, confusion now written on his features.

"I said I was going to find the perfect girl for you and I found it! She's perfect! Kind and smart and beautiful on top of that! Nothing like Cecily Rowle!"

"Don't you think you need her consent for that kind of things..."

"Just by the way she looked at you, I know it won't be hard..." laughed the girl.

"Such a crazy idea you got here..."

"I can't wait to tell Felix!"

"No don't! He's gonna make fun of me..."

"Yes and that'll be funny!"

"Do you think I can prevent Mother and Father from making me marry Cecily? To marry someone like Rumi instead?" he wondered, suddenly serious.

"I don't know. This seems pretty much impossible. I'm sorry Evan."

"No, don't be sorry for me, be sorry for yourself."

He was right. She didn't have an easy life too.

That night there was a small party in the Rosier manor for close friends and family – which meant about seventy guests for Octavia's parents. It had barely started when she escaped. She felt unwell that night. She realized she hadn't got news from Max in three weeks. In realty she hadn't heard from him since their last day, but this day marked three weeks since had sent a letter to which he still had not bothered answering. It made her anxious. He was probably busy. He had planned on looking for a job at the Ministry as soon as he had graduated. And he was probably busy with that Order of the Phoenix as well. With all of that, Octavia wasn't his priority anymore and he had most likely forgot his promise.

Many feelings were inhabiting her. She felt unwanted and unloved. She was forgotten, thrown away. It hurt. She was afraid to be left all alone. She feared it and sought it at the same time. And if she didn't have any news from Max she was condemned. No future ahead of her. Nothing. She could just die now, it wouldn't change anything. For her and anyone else. Why was she even born in the first place if it's to live such miserable life, devoid of any passion and yearning. She just wanted to be freed, from all of this but life couldn't work out the way she wanted

author's: octavia is depressed af that's true. please take care of your mental health<333

also i love rumi and i love writing about her if you know what i mean hehehe