Right people, wrong time. Right people, right time.

Christmas vacation

The weekend hangout had been nice, but now it was wednesday and Ocean had to face reality. On friday it was the 22th december, and their christmas vacation started. Ricky kept talking about how excited they were to come back to their parents and all their cats, and as much as she was happy for them, every time someone mentioned their plans for the vacation, she felt a bit more empty. It was only another reminder that she had nowhere to be. At least she had art class today. She was good at that, that was one of the only places she felt comfortable these days. On the walk to the class, she tried not to think about it too much. She came 5 minutes early, went to the back, found her painting and grabbed some brushes and the paints she was using, and started working on it. The class started, and flew by as she painted. The sketch looked fine, but when she started painting, she could feel herself freaking out, it looked awful. The face shape was slightly off, the teeth looked weird and creepy, and she didn't even close to do her hair justice. Ocean tried to add more constrast and push in the light and add shadows but with every stroke of the paintbrush she hated it more. Why couldn't she do this? She came to this college to do this. Art. And Constance. This was supposed to be a way of showing her how much she meant to her, but now it looked more like Ocean was trying to bully her. Why wasn't she good at anything!?

She sat down on the floor, feeling herself starting to tear up. Luckily without Ocean realizing, the lesson was already over, everyone had gone back to their dorms, but that just made her feel even worse. She spent all this time and she couldn't even make it look okay? horrible thoughts started filling her head. "You're such a disapointment", "this is why your parents dont want you at home", "you came here to do art, and you can't even do that", "what would Constance Think if she Saw this". As Ocean tried her best to hold back her tears, she noticed that it hadn't been working, and that she was crying now. Way too loudly. She heard the door open and panicked. She couldn't run, obviously, but she could act like it never happened. She quickly stood up, grabbed her paintbrush and started painting again, trying not to look towards the door, hoping the person that entered the room would just ignore her. "Ocean, is that you?" Oh fuck. Constance. Not her. Not now. "Oh, hi Connie" Ocean tried to sound nonchalant but her voice was still shaking a little. "I heard crying noises, are you okay?" Ocean nodded with a very false smile on her face. "Totally fine, no worries" Constance looked at her with a concerned face. "Fine, what are you painting?" Constance walked towards her to get a look at the painting. "no, NO, YOU CANT LOOK" Constance looked shocked. "No need to yell, sorry. If Its because it looks bad, Im sure i wont think so, let me have a look" Ocean couldn't stop her before she had already walked up behind her to look. "Is that...me?"
"Im sorry, know it looks bad, believe me, i hate it too, which is weird cause im literally here for the art classes. The shadows look all weird and i totally can't figure the eyes out and the teeth look weird and i-" Ocean started tearing up again, feeling like she just wanted to give up, sit down on the floor and cry. And so she did. She slid down against the wall down to the floor and put her head in her hands. Constance looked shocked and immediately sat down next to her, putting her arm around her. "Ocean, are you sure there isn't something you wanna talk about? I get if the painting is important to you, and i want you to know that i love it, but it can't possibly be the only thing bothering you. You've been acting strange the last couple of weeks". Ocean sighed. She had to tell someone before it filled her brain up so much it would explode, and if it was Constance she was telling it to, it would probably be okay. "Christmas break is coming up, and its all people are talking about. Everyone is saying they can't wait to get home and see their families, and i have nowhere to go. My parents for sure don't want me home, and if i did go home it would be even worse than being alone on Christmas eve. They dont like that i chose to do art, and they dont like that i didn't go to the colleges they wanted me to". Constance looked at her with pain in her eyes, and wrapped her arms around her tightly. "Ocean, Im so sorry, that must've been so hard. I know i never stopped talking about how excited i was to go to the Christmas fair back in Uranium, that must've made you feel so horrible, Im sorry". Ocean tried to smile as best as she could. "Its fine, you didn't know, you dont always have to look put for my feelings, i get why you're excited". Constance nodded. "If you had told me about this earlier, i would've just asked my parents if you can come along. I can still ask Them? You can celebrate Christmas with us, Im sure they wouldn't mind, and i most definitely wouldn't. Its a 6 hour car drive back and i could really use some company on the way, what do ya say?" Constance smiled and looked at Ocean, that looked the happiest she'd been in at least 3 weeks. She hugged Constance and looked at her with a wide smile. "Thank you so so much Connie. You don't know how much this means to me. I love you" Constance held her hand. "Of course. if i could, i'd shrink you to be teeny tiny and take you everywhere in my pocket". Ocean laughed. "That actually doesn't sound too bad". Constance looked at the painting again. "So, why are you making this? Is it for a portrait assignment or something?" Ocean shaked her head. "We could draw whatever we wanted in realism, and i thought it would be fun to draw you" Constance smiled. "Wow, you're literally painting a portrait of me. Talk about obsessed. D' ya have a crush on me or something?" Ocean laughed and put her hand over her face, faking being flustered. "Totally, Im so in love with you, it's SO embarrasing". Constance rolled her eyes jokingly and stood up, pulling Ocean up when she was up. "Okay, what about we don't have more breakdowns in the art room, and we go get some snacks?" Ocean smiled. "That sounds good, thanks Connie". Constance held her hand as they walked out of the art class.
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Sorry i haven't uploaded in 9 days, Im kinda struggling with depression and stuff and i just dont feel motivation to do anything lately. I Think im gonna start doing uploads every other day instead of every day, because putting so much pressure on myself to upload was making it not as enjoyable for me, and my happiness is 50% why i do this. Short chapter today to get started, longer roadtrip chapter in two days <3