To The Ones Who Can't Dream

chapter 88 - She'd Leave Herself Too

     When their group landed back on the balcony of the House of Wind, Rhys, Amren, Mor, and Nesta were there waiting for them. Elain was nowhere to be seen. Nowadays, Seren rarely ever saw her. She hadn't taken the transition to fae very well. From what little Seren had gathered, Elain had been engaged to some human back in the human lands. But that guy was an avid fae-hater. Elain would usually just sit in a chair everyday, unmoving. It was honestly sad to witness, as she knew what it was like to mourn your past life.

     "Ah! You all are alright!" Mor jumped up with excitement.

     Seren shot her a weak smile, "Yep, we all made it back in one piece."

     Amren tutted, "Well, you look like you almost didn't. What the hell happened to you?"

     Looking down at herself, she noticed just how bruised and bloody she was. Her dress was torn in multiple places across her body. But at least half of the blood covering her wasn't her own. Seren shrugged, "I got into a bit of an altercation."

     "A bit of an altercation?" Rhys said indignantly, "No Seren. You look like you just got back from a long war."

     "You should see what Eris looked like after their fight," Azriel said as the corners of his lips turned upwards.

      "Ohhh, yeah!" Cassian jumped in excitedly, "Seren was seriously badass. When they got into hand-to-hand combat, I thought she was done for and I'd have to jump in and save her."

      "But she saved herself all on her own," Az finished proudly.

      "Now, if you'd all excuse me," Seren said lightly, "I am going to go take a nice, long bath and get into something that isn't covered in blood and dirt."

      Without waiting for anyone's response Seren walked past them, into the house. Slowly, she made her way to her room. Her nose hurt like hell. Thanks Eris for that one.

      She had just made it into her bathroom when she heard a knock at her bedroom door. "Come in!" she shouted, assuming it would be Amren.

      Amren usually wouldn't fawn over her in public, but she always came to check on her. But to her slight surprise, it was Rhys who opened the door. Seren sighed and gestured for him to enter the bathroom as she walked away to the mirror. Placing her hands on either side of her nose, she sent healing magic into them. Her nose popped back into place and Seren's eyes watered slightly. "I'm assuming you want a rundown of what happened?" she questioned.

      A glass of blood appeared by the side of the tub and Seren grinned. The House always knew what she wanted.

      Seren reached down and pulled her dress off. "Seren what are you doing!" Rhys practically shouted at her.

      She side-eyed him, "It's not like you haven't seen it before. Plus, I want to get the dirt off of me."

      She stepped into the tub and scrubbed the first layer of gunk off of her body before looking over to Rhys. He was very pointedly not looking at her and Seren chuckled slightly. His eyes shot back to her. She held his eye for a moment before dunking herself under the water.

     Seren got to work on her hair. "I actually came in here to make sure you're alright," Rhys said.

     Narrowing her eyes at him, she said, "I'm totally thriving right now. Why would you suspect otherwise?"

     Rhys shrugged, "I don't know. You just have been kind of distant as of late."

     She scoffed, "Oh, I have nooo clue why that would be."

     Finally, she got to work on her skin again. Healing all of the cuts and bruises that were on her body. Well, the ones she could heal. She still had scars on her body from the past, when she couldn't heal herself fully. "Seren," Rhys said quietly, "I am so, so sorry about what happened that night. I couldn't do anything. And I'll never forgive myself for that. I'm just sorry about all of it."

     Those words cut through her, deeper than any knife ever could. He got down on his knees in front of her, reached out, and gripped her hand in his. "I'll always be here for you," he whispered.

     Seren couldn't help it. She flinched. Pulling her hand back like she had been burnt, Seren  thought, There is nothing he could have done. He was held down, just like all of them. It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do. After all, it was in the past now.

     "Please Seren," Rhys's voice cracked, "Tell me what you need. Tell me what I need to do to fix this."

      Anger morphed Seren's face into something vicious. "I don't need anything from you," she spat, "What I have gone through, everything I have gone through in my long life, has shaped me as a fae today. There is nothing you can do to fix this. To fix me."

     "No, no, no, I'll find some way to protect-" Rhys started.

     "How am I supposed to believe you will protect me when you can't even protect those in your Court?" Seren questioned harshly.

     Rhys's brow creased, "What do you mean?"

     "Everyday, you let those Illyrians treat their females horribly. Their wings are clipped, they are raped, they are worked to death. You just sit by and let that happen!"

     Rhys opened his mouth but Seren didn't let him speak, "And don't try to feed me some bullshit line about trying to keep the Illyrian males happy since they are needed. Fae call you the most powerful High Lord. But you can't even save those females who suffer! All I see is a coward because you're trying to keep the peace."

      Seren knew her words were too harsh and it was unfair to put Rhys at fault for all of this. But life was fucking unfair. Life had always been unfair to her, and it would always be unfair to all those Illyrian females. "Seren, I'll try-" he started to say.

     "Get out," Seren tried to say calmly, with barely restrained anger.

     "No, ple-"

     "I said get out!" Seren cut him off with a yell and she knew her eyes flashed with the power of the other worldly being that lay under her skin.

     Rhys leapt back, as if he had been slapped in the face. Seren turned her back on him. She heard his footsteps. She heard the door open. And then she heard the door close behind him. He left. Just like everyone else in her life had done at some point or another. Yes, she had told him to leave. She had even yelled at him to leave. It wasn't fair to wish he had gone against her words. To just have dug a little deeper. To stay.

     But that didn't stop a small part of her that wished he had. But at the end of the day, she couldn't blame the people who had left her. If she could, she'd leave herself too.