Glass Hearts || Noah Sebastian

3.

    "Miss. Collin" the doctor dressed in all white greets me with a stagnant voice as he extends his hand for me to shake, the other gripping his clipboard full of papers.

  I take it, feeling his skin that's cold as ice and firm. He feels like a corpse, I try to find a pulse but it's hard to pick up over the calloused skin.

He studies me for a moment, eyes narrowing as he goes over what to say in his head. It's never a good sign when they go silent, and it made my heart drop. My skin crawling with nerves as he continues to study me. I don't know what I'll do, no matter what the tests results determine. His beety eyes that lack emotion, his lips pressed in a firm line. He has his white hair cut short, almost to the scalp. I take in every detail, knowing this is a definitive moment in my life and that just adds to the fire that burns in my stomach as I wait for him to speak.

  "Well, whats the verdict, Dr. Smalls? " I finally ask after the anticipation has built up so much I feel like I could explode. I couldn't stand to be in this awkward stare down anymore, I just needed to know.

  "Well, Miss. Collins.. the pregnancy tests did come back positive" he begins, talking low and slow as if his words will break me.

  I feel the weight of it all crash down on me instantly, the tears that burn my nose as they try to fight their way up. I knew what to expect but that didn't stop the small seed of hope from planting in the back of my mind. I was grasping onto any small hope of a better outcome.

  "You are about six weeks along. But it seems like your uterine wall is very thin, almost as thin as a piece of hair. There's already serve damage to the fetus, it's growing at a very slow rate. There's about a 50/50 chance you'll carry full term, and even then it will be very dangerous pregnancy. I'll leave you alone for a little bit to gather your thoughts and see if you can come to some kind conclusion today. Don't feel rushed to make any decisions right now, just sometime in the next few weeks." He unloads the information on me quickly, seemingly saying it all in one breath.

  I wish I could be sad over the unfortunate news, but that would require me to be happy about the entire situation as a whole. And I was anything but that. I can't deny that it does hurt, even if only a little. However, I only come as a request from the clinic, they needed medical documentation before they could take me in. This just made it easier, cleared my conscious a little bit.

  It would be a lie to say I wasn't praying for some kind of a miracle. Maybe he could tell me that Noah was the father and I was going to have a healthy baby. Maybe I was never pregnant at all, and I had taken several finicky tests that held no ground. Maybe he knew how to fix my broken heart, giving me all the answers I needs to put back the pieces. Doctors go to school for years, I always thought they had the all the right answers and could fix any problem.

  But I was wrong.

  He slowly stands to leave me, turning on his heels as he begins to head toward the door. The heels of this expensive dress shoes smacking against the linoleum floor. Each time they kiss the ground it sends a shiver down my spine.

   Clack. Clack. Clack.

  "Wait" I call out, voice cracking as I speak.

  He stops in his tracks before turning to face me, staying expressionless as he looks me in the eyes. My dry mouth falling open as I attempt to speak. The emotions finally taking over as I feel a single hot tear roll down my cheek.

  "I'm going to terminate"

__

    I watch my blue eyes swirl with sadness as the memory I tried so hard to push away from my mind finally plays out in my head. It's been over two years since that day, but I can recall it all like it happened just this morning. The smell of the sterile gloves as they smack against the doctor's cold skin. The taste of the pill I had to swallow back before the procedure. The blood I shed for weeks. The pain.
So much fucking pain.