Glass Hearts || Noah Sebastian

22.

   It's been just a little over a week since Noah and I drunkenly exchanges vows. In those nine days I somehow came up with the courage of telling Noah I wanted to get an annulment. I went over smoothly, after I was able to come up with some kind of lie as to why I wanted it so badly. I chalked it up to just not wanting to be married so young, wanting to do it right whenever I did and wanting to actually remember it. All of which was true, but in another world it wouldn't be enough for me to push the matter. If it wasn't for one giant reason alone I would stay married to the man I was embarrassingly in love with.

He's working on getting the paperwork drawn up with his lawyer, a process he said could take a little longer than I would like. But I guess I can't rush these kind of things.

Currently, I'm sitting on my balcony. After constant nagging and pestering from Noah, I caved and picked up a few outdoor chairs the other day at the thrift store so we can more comfortably lounge outside. He said it was only necessary to do so, the wood is so old we risk getting a splinter every time we sit on it unprotected.

My feet are propped up against the railing, a book spread open in my hands. I started it yesterday and I am already nearing the end. Noah's been out with the boys a lot the last few days, I have a feeling they will be starting tour up again soon. Mel had gotten a job as a bartender with Eli at a new club that just opened up. They want me to meet with the owner sometime in the next few days, to which I agreed to. Maybe getting on my feet will provide Noah with some kind of comfort, enough to carry on with his life and not worry about me. I have enjoyed having him back around, loved it even. But this can't be my new normal anymore. I need him to get far away from me. Im going to end up hurting him, I can feel it in my bones. I just need to go away before that can happen.

I would be lying if I said I haven't come up with a million different ways to disappear without a trace again. Escaping in the middle of the night, faking my kidnapping, but every scenario ends up with someone I care about getting hurt again. I've been selfish so many times before it's hard to think of only myself again.

I let out a sigh, my mind too busy to focus in on my book any longer. I shut it, marking the page with my makeshift bookmark first and setting it down under my chair. I close my eyes, cranking my head left to right in order to soak up the warm sun rays. It's been raining consistently the last week from sun up to sun down. The break in the precipitation a much needed relief,making this small moment of sunshine all that more beautiful. I'm not immune to seasonal depression, and it seems as if all the complications in my life have all come full force as soon as Nevada has been hit with it's gloomiest of weather.

The last week has been beautifully domesticated for the two of us, and to say it wasn't nice would be a lie. But i can't fall into that habit. Giving into the addiction that's Noah is not only not in my best interest, but it's also not smart on either end. He will ruin me the same way I always end up ruining him. From the moment we met we were cursed to be unhappy together. I've done it twice already, I can't let it happen again.

In the midst of my thoughts I hear the glass door slide across the tracks behind me, causing my eyes to snap open and I crank my head back. Spotting Noah, I smile. His deep brown eyes shimmering with speckles of a golden honey color as the sun reflects off of them. He's dressed casually, sweat shorts and a tee shirt per usual. His lips turn upward as he flashes me a smile in return, sitting down on the chair next to me.

"Hey, Roni" he says as he sits back and lets out a sigh of relief. He looks stressed, despite the small grin plastered on his face as he gazes at me, I can see the tension that settles between his eyes.

"Hey. How was your day?" I question

I notice that he has his silver band still nestled snuggly on his ring finger, it glimmers slightly as he brings his left hand up to cover his eyes from the sun'd blinding rays. It's bittersweet, a reminder of what we did. A reminder that I don't want to regret it, but I have to.