It's only been a day since we said goodbye for the last time
A day since we agreed that we should go no contact
I've spent the entire fucking day missing you
missing the way I never felt more alone with you than without you
Missing the way you'd show me you need me instead of just telling me
Missing the way you would say my name against my collarbone and tell me how beautiful I was
Missing the way you begged to touch me
to please me to worship me
We've gone 6 years by each others sides
And from the very beginning there was a part of me that you owned wholly and a part of you that I kept in the bracelet you gave me
We fell in and out of love with other people but we always kept each other
I kissed him and I imagined he was you when I got on my knees
You told me about how she tasted and said that you don't think you'll ever crave another as much as me
We could never fully give ourselves to another because there was a part of us that belonged to the other
We loved each other almost as much as we knew we weren't right for each other
Despite that nothing else felt real because in the end I never really wanted anyone as much as I wanted you
And now I live thousands of miles away and I'm seeing you for the last time
You said I can't keep living with you on my mind
I said you can't keep living with me on yours
You deserve to be happy
I do too
But we can't move on with another if we maintain this
our love and our desire for the other trumps our friendship every time
So I miss you so fucking much
And you're the only one I want to talk to about how much I miss you
But I don't miss you because I think we made the wrong choice
I miss you because I know we made the right one
You're gone and anything I do to jeopardize that hurts you as much as it hurts me
I want you to come back to me but I'll turn you away if you do
You want me to come back to you but you'll refuse me if I do
