SPOTLIGHT

Chapter 33 | Decisions

Y/n pov

My body just straight on dropped seeing Scarlett at my gate..."scar..." I sighs already got enough of this thing.

"Can we talk?" She sincerely says biting her lips looking anxious

"About what?" I asked straightly

"Us"

"You're still not done playing with my feelings?" I forced a smile while she looked down swallowing thickly

I spotted flashes from afar making me more even frustrated now... I'm trying to escape my life and here she is casually luring paparazzi in my new place

"Come in" i breathe out stepping aside making her walked inside as she made herself comfortable and i gave her some water

I sat beside her holding all my emotions knowing damn well I'll comeback to newyork and leave my peace here if she just told me too... But no.. I'm done..

"You know i don't get you... When I'm at your side you literally told me that you don't love me... Now that I'm away you come here... For what??" I shook my head genuinely confused by her

"I...im confused about my.. uhm.. feelings" she huffed still in the same expression

"I'm not" i scoffed

"And you know that.. i know what i feel.. i love you but sometimes love isn't enough... You proved that to me" i added as she stare at my eyes full of pity

"Y/n i-"

"I know what i feel and it's not my problem anymore that you don't know how to read yourself...stop playing mind games... I'm done begging people to love me...you mean the world to me...but I'm done... being in some sort of relationship that's one sided.. if you can't treat me right... Somebody else will.. if no one.. I'll do that to myself.." i strongly says even if i know these aren't the truth

I will go out of my way and destroy my mental health to put her first... every time..i don't care if i lose my mind as long as she feels like she owns the world..its toxic..it hurts..but i grew up as those are the definition of love.

"I love you..." She suddenly says holding both my hands her eyes focused on mine

"You don't love me... you're just saying that out of pity---"

"I LOVE YOU..I-IT MAYBE NOT AS MAGICAL AS L-LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT LIKE HOW YOU FELT BUT...i love you..i love how you make me feel as if I'm untouchable.. i love how you can light me up.. how i don't need a social battery when I'm with you... H-How you care for me.. like nobody else did" she breathes out still in the same expression as tears came running down her cheeka

"you love me" i shaked my head forcing a chuckle biting my lips trying to hold my emotions

"i do...those few months of you in my life felt like a lifetime of just pure and genuine happiness.."

"Scarlett... there's a difference between loving a person and loving the feeling.." i gripped her hands tighter as she stayed quiet

"you don't love me...w-what if one day.. i can't treat you the same? Y-You don't feel that care and happiness anymore... D-Does that mean you also can't feel your love for me anymore?" I asked..

She's just staring at me letting her tears fall but I'm keeping my word and I won't put myself on a begging situation again.

I know she's having mixed emotions but i just can't...i love her.. i want her in my life.. i want to wake up next to her every morning.. every day...i want to treasure her.. but i also promised her to help her be with the right person this time around.. and right now i don't think that's me.

"D-Did you.. fell out of love? Do y-you not love me anymore?" She sniffed and i just sigh wiping her tears before cupping both her cheeks

"I don't think that's possible" i smiled at her

"T-Then what's the m-matter? I-I thought you're waiting for t-this moment.. i love you.. p-please lets make this right.. l-lets make it work.. but now together.. you're not alone a-anymore...i know it's too late but I'M HERE NOW.. I'M MEETING YOU WHERE YOU AT JUST TELL ME YOU LOVE ME TOO AND I PROMISE YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO FIGHT ALONE" she sincerely says as i felt my heart dropped seeing her in her fragile state..

"i love you the most...and I'll never let you imprison yourself with someone who forced her way for your love" i kissed her forehead before resting ours together as she kept on  shaking her head 'no' catching her breath

"p-please..." She begged suddenly leaving my touch just to go on her knees holding both my hands sobbing at my thighs

"No..No... Please don't that... Stand up.." i immediately held her trying to sit her back at the couch

"I-I can't imagine g-going on w-with my life without you...w-what about the kids? What about us?" She looked up to me as i also felt tears building up on my eyes

"Scarlett, I'm crazy... If you're thinking about the kids.. you know I'm dangerous for them.." i shaked my head forcing a smile

"Y-Youre not... you'll never hurt us.. you promised and i know you'll never break that"

"I won't... that's why I'm trying to stay away because I don't want that to happen..."

"It won't...j-just p-please" she sobbed on my lap and as i looked away Wiping my own tears

I gently pushed her off of me just to also sit on the floor beside her fixing her hair tucking it behind her ears "I'm miserable... we're not for each other..you belong in the skies.... I'm down here and we both know.. i will never reach you..and that's ok... because i know you'll find someone---" i tried

" NO, I DON'T WANT TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE... I'LL COME DOWN FROM THAT SKY.. IF YOU CAN'T REACH ME.. I'LL STEP DOWN.." she huffed her red puffy eyes stabbing me right by my chest

I waited till she calmed down...both of us still on the floor..

"I wish i never met you" i smiled at her breaking the silence

"We're in the s-same page" she also forced a smile

"We ruined both our peaceful lives" i sighs resting my back at the couch as she does the same

I can feel her stare at me before she hugs me by my bicep "I'm the negative one" she mumbled

"No... I'm the one who hears and sees things.. pretty sure that's me"

"I'm the one who played..now i got what i deserve" she added

"so we're both negative.."

" Isn't negative plus negative.. equals positive in math? "

" Hm hmm.. but in science they can never be together.. it's not right.. it's not possible..yknow... Like magnets.."

"Let's go for math" she held me tighter

" Math is a branch of science"

"I hate how i can't beat you in arguments" she sighs

We both stayed quiet again but this time it felt so comfortable and soothing...

"I'm sorry...for everything i did.."she looked up to me

"it's ok..."

"we started really wrong.. and fast... C-Can we start again? This time.. slowly.. and genuine feelings only..i promise.. "

" Scarle---"

" Please.."