Hazel And I

Day 7

I know how hard she worked for the finals and still did not pass , I was very sad for her and had no time to worry about myself.

I thought that I can be there for Hazel and then she will be fine but it was not the case.

Yes I ghosted her a couple of times and she knew it but when she suddenly disappeared on me I could not handle it at all.

But life goes on whether I like it or not.

I called her , called her mother , texted her sisters and no one was replying so I was worried.

I did not know why they all ignored me.

I was close to her sister too so I wished that she successfully graduated high school that was why I called and texted a couple of times and I got a reply of one word from my Hazel.

I thought back then that she needs more time and all that matters was that she was alive.

Hazel showed up again after six weeks and she looked much better than the last time I talked to her which made me relieved.

I was stuck in my life but that made me feel so much better.

She started talking about the man she met while she traveled abroad for a while and how she thought it was love.

I do not know if they are still together or not but I did not know enough about the guy to judge him and since she was happy I was happy.

I wondered to myself why does she believe that she needs a man to be happy , it was then when I realized that we were different.

The daddy issues she has and the ones I have are different.

The way her father treated her made her feel the need of a man to be safe but the way mine treated me made me hate all men.

My mother said we should go see them and to celebrate her sister's success of course.

I asked her many times to tell me whenever it was relevant for her family so that we stop by but she never gave me a reply to that.

After asking her three times it felt as if she did not want us to come over.

I tried not to be negative but I could not help it.

I remembered the way all of her family members just ignored me back then and wondered why.

I texted her asking for an explanation and maybe added something like 'I just feel hurt about the friendship we are losing , I believe we should be no more than friends'.

I also said 'And if you don't want to have anything to do with me just say it'.

Hazel and I had many silly fights and that fight was not one of them.

I was seriously hurt and crying back then , her cold reply caught me off guard and I wished I could just die instead of accepting that ending.

'It seems like you made your choice so act on it , I won't hold nobody back'

Was her reply.

Hazel did not explain anything at all , so it was just normal for me to be pissed.

I thought that if we calm down for a while she would probably text me back and apologize maybe.

But she did not.

Hazel and I always said sorry whenever we made a mistake with each other but she did not seem to be considering it as her fault just like me and so I had to move on.

Even though I was planning on going back to college after what happened I dropped out of it.

I was unable to handle that shitty place anymore.

But then I thought about it , maybe Hazel will be better without me.

She was going through a lot of hardships just like me but I could not care less about my own problems.

They say that what does not kill you , makes you stronger but Hazel was so young.

She did not need to be stronger but to be protected which was why I could not help but want to get back into her life once more.

I would think of Hazel every single day and wish that she was doing well but I never dared to actually ask her.

After dropping out I tried a lot of things , Hazel was on my mind , I would watch our old videos and cry but at some point I was able to watch them and smile at the beautiful memories we shared because eventually my heart stopped aching when I think of her.

I always imagined us meeting by chance in the street , I wondered what would she do ? will she walk past me just like back then or will she stop and talk to me ? I could never tell.

I wondered if she ever looked at Shadow and thought of me but that was just not possible because Shadow has nothing to do with me anymore.

Did she ever wake up at night and thought of me ? did she cry ? laugh or did not react at all ?

I wish I could know.

Now it has been almost a year , time sure is flying.

I still think of her and want her to be happy with others.

People that can love and cherish her pure soul.

Humans can be pretty cruel sometimes.

They would make promises about how they could never live without someone but end up doing it just fine.

I also did that.

Hazel would cross my mind less and less as if her memory was no longer taking the biggest spot of my heart.

My love for her grew but longing to see her and hug her became less of an urge since I would dream about her sometimes.

Hazel and I both moved on from each other is what I am one sidedly saying.

She found her people and I am trying to find myself again.

Just like before I met her.

Sometimes you'd better leave the weird otaku alone and not pity them or else you might regret it.

Is this the end ?

Sorry to say no.

There is only one more final chapter that I would love to add.

And I bet you would want to know a little more about it.

About Hazel and I...