Hazel And I

Day 8 [FINAL]

Hazel is a little weird.

In a beautiful way.

She loves strawberries very much but hates the strawberry flavor in ice cream.

She loves dresses but gets a little uncomfortable wearing them because of people's stares.

She has insecurities even though she looks the way she does and I can never say much about her looks just using these cheap words they invented long ago.

It is insane how I can tell that something was wrong after reading a single text of hers.

I care for her so much and it is the main reason I had to let her go.

Hazel is an angel.

The world is cruel but she was still as innocent as a white paper that no ink was ever spilled on.

I wished I would be the one preventing that from happening but no.

I admit how irresponsible and toxic I was but now I am working on myself.

Not for you my dear but because of you.

I remembered all those talks we had and I never cried again because of remembering.

As if God healed me , as if I never actually felt hurt before.

I recently met this girl while taking a certain course I found interesting.

When she walked in I immediately thought of Hazel.

She sat next to me and had her hair and glasses , I know how crazy I might sound right now but she had the same name as Hazel.

I thought that life could be very unfair for letting me go through that.

That girl was younger than us , she loved K pop too but not the same bands as Hazel did.

We talked a lot about anime since she was into that as well.

I remember how I only felt excited for a second before I pulled back.

Hazel and I never spoke much of anime which was because she had things she was more into.

I talked to that girl every time we went to that course but do not worry.

After we exchanged our Instagram's accounts I ghosted her and she never texted me again.

I realized that with Hazel in my heart I would never need any other friend for as many years as I might live.

I remember how I smiled while reading our last conversation again even though it was heartbreaking I could no longer feel it or remember how I felt while writing those texts.

I knew that if I beg her to come back , Hazel might give me a chance.

But I selfishly choose myself this time.

I do not need Hazel in my life no matter how much I want her.

I was a very bad friend , not only to her but to another pure girl that I still want to apologize personally to.

But maybe I would write about Sana in another story of her own.

I still wonder if Hazel ever thought of talking to me again but I wish she did not.

People move on from anything.

They don't forget but they keep moving just like Hazel and I did.

Now to what I would like to tell her.

I am sorry for everything.

For being late all the time and cancelling our plans at the last minute.

For ghosting you , hurting you and not being there for you.

For all the times I could not tell you how I truly feel and for all the tears I was the reason behind.

For disappointing you and holding you back.

For all the effort you put to waste trying to make me a better person.

For everything else as well , I deeply apologize.

Hazel changed my life.

A little to the better and a little to the worse.

Sticking close to one person was not as boring as I assumed , in fact it was not boring at all.

I enjoyed every little thing.

I realized that while some people find soulmates in romance just like my Hazel , others end up finding it in friendships just like I did.

And right now I want to find that in me.

The things we were scared of all happened and this time we had to face them.

I wanted to let people know a little about us , even though this represents just a little of the whole story.

My dear Hazel, I wish you find someone who deserves you.

Someone who would never cause you to cry or feel the slightest pain.

Someone who loves you for your soul and not only your pretty looks.

Someone who is ready to listen , who shows you his love not only through words but actions since you always said that actions speak louder and complained about how quiet it was.

Don't look for anyone because the one will always find you.

And please keep smiling.

This story comes to and end here but mine will be ongoing until the day I die.

If we ever live again let me act like my age and be the older sister you always needed.

And if we don't then I am sure you will end up in a better place my dear.

I am letting you go once and forever.

This was Hazel and I.

June 09, 2023

12:07AM