Your hand in mine

Season 1 - 10

Kai doesn't take it well.

"You don't have to do this," he says gravely. "Y/n - she already knows we know each other, that we were together. She can't dictate who you can and can't be friends with."

"Yeah, but we are not friends." Jennie bites her lips. She didn't feel right about doing this over the phone at first, but now, she is  almost happy. As happy as she can be, anyway. "Kai, I'm sorry. I really am, but we have to stop seeing each other while I'm with Y/n. It's too dangerous. Yesterday, I almost - I'm afraid I'll give it away."

"You won't."

"You don't know that."

Kai is silent on the other end, and Jennie almost lets out a sigh of relief but then he speaks again, muted anger palpable in his voice. "You're really doing this. You're breaking up with me." 'Over her' hangs in the air, unspoken, heavy.

"Kai, this is not a break up," she tries again. He just wouldn't listen. Why can't he listen to her? He was fine last night. He promised to be there for her. "It's a - a break, okay? I have to be with her for this to actually work."

'Please say you understand. Please.'

Kai scoffs. "Because she's so faithful to you in return," he mutters.

"What do you mean?" She blinks. "Do you know something?" The idea of Y/n cheating on her is - well, it's hysterically ironic, all things considered. But it's also so unfathomable to her. To think of Y/n cheating on anyone is incomprehensible, especially someone she cares about.

'So you think she cares about you?'

"I - no," Kai stumbles over his words for a second before fire is back in his voice. "But I know her. She's not gonna be satisfied with you for very long, especially since you don't..." he trails off before sighing with agitation, and doesn't continue.

She freezes. He can't mean what she thinks he means, because that would be low. So low. "Since I don't what?" she huffs when he stays silent.

"Since I don't what, Kai?"

"Forget it," he mutters. "Look, you made the decision, obviously. I'm not going to beg, but I need some time to... come to terms with it, I guess. Hope you understand." His voice is distant, like it always is when he gets upset with her. And she gets it. She gets it, she fucking gets everything and everyone but that doesn't give him an excuse to be an asshole.

She knows very well what he was about to say before, and she's not going to let it go. "Since I don't what, Kai? Since I don't actually fuck her, is that what you were going to say?" His silence tells her everything she needs to know. "She'll grow bored of me and find someone else, is that it?"

"You can't expect her to wait for you forever, Jennie," Kai points out.

She doesn't like this version of him. Sometimes, it's almost as if there are two people residing in his body, and when the real Kai, her Kai, with a boyish grin and kind eyes, is too tired to keep going, this Kai takes over. And it's like Kai snaps.

Except they are one and the same. It's all Kai. The good and the ugly. Once upon a time, she thought she'd never stop loving all of it.

She wonders what Y/n's ugly side is like.

She wonders if her own is better or worse than she thinks. "Of course," she says slowly. "But who said anything about forever?"

Kai's voice is even. "What?"

"I told you, Kai." He said he understood. He said- "I have to be with her. That means being with her. Because you're right - I can't expect her to wait for me forever." Would she? "Sooner or later, I will have to reciprocate."