Hazel And I

Day 0 [START]

There were many things that I did not get when I first met her.

She would wear those light clothes in the middle of winter and says she does not feel the cold at all.

She barely eats a thing home and I could tell that she must have told her family that she ate out but she does not eat much out as well.

She would change her hairstyle often and I think it had nothing to do with beauty since hers was way too natural , it must have been her messed up mental health.

She would smiled slightly through her broken soul thinking that no one would see right through her but I did.

And I could go on all day long about her because Hazel was very special.

I was running towards the bus's station while talking on the phone with her.

Just another day of me being late and her being as patient as ever.

We finally made it to class in time and tried our best to focus but all I thought about was how to convince her that we should skip the second period.

College's life was not what I expected but since I met Hazel I started understanding little by little that life can be fun.

Everything was messed up but everything was going to be alright is what Hazel and I thought back then.

Even though I doubt that we actually believed what we were saying.

We would walk that path everyday while heading back home and it was never boring.

Even though I hated that place , I hated the people , I hated me but I loved her.

The light was reflected on her round glasses that I used to make fun of by calling her 'Harry Potter' but they suited her very well.

Her eyes were sparkling , that light color and tall eyelashes matched with the perfect eyeliner.

Her short hair that used to be darker before she dyed it moved slightly by the wind.

Her black nail polish that was her favorite and the rings she loved very much.

Hazel was simply stunning.

We used to call and text each other all the time about every little thing when we were apart.

And whenever we met we would spend all day long together.

It might sound boring but I never felt that way by her side and I would like to believe that Hazel felt the same way.

Everyday was the best day of my life but what I enjoyed the most was watching her change into the better.

Eating a little more and working out for herself , looking for things she likes and trying to fall in love with her life.

She also overcame her fear of cats since she got Shadow who was one of the kittens my cat gave birth to.

We were not that happy but we tried our best to be.

We had our ups and downs , we were mostly there for each other and we could feel the warmth of hope in the eye of that icy cold storm.

The promise we broke still hunts me sometimes.

How could I ever let her go ? I can not remember but I'd say that she let me go first and I did not talk back because I knew how toxic I was.

The one person I thought I can no longer live without left and I lived every single day.

At first it was hard not to think of her , I would think of texting her and go see our old pictures and videos.

I would cry.

But it took me few good months to be able to go on a whole day without Hazel crossing my mind.

Sometimes I would remember her and smile at those beautiful memories I still hold in my heart but I would rarely cry or try to text her about it.

Whenever I went out last winter I wore the sweater she gave me thinking that maybe , just maybe I would run into her and she might as well talk to me.

I imagined her coming to my house many times , the way she would hug me broke me for a while but then the thought of it made me a little happy.

But we never met again , as if we were never there , just two strangers that once knew each other.

After her I never talked to any other friend I mean who needs friends now days as if life's shit is no longer enough that we would want more of it.

And to be honest I always wondered did she ever think of me and of what we had ? Did it ever cross her mind to call or text me ? Did she hate me ? Did she cry ? And a lot of similar questions.

But I think she worked harder than any other time because Hazel tends to exhaust herself or else her sleepless nights would never end.

Hazel dear if you are reading this do not worry.

The toxic me would never ask such a pure soul as yours to come back and be by my side.

I just want to write about how I felt back then and how I am feeling right now.

Since my nights keep getting longer I thought I would write for you one last time and let you know how I saw the whole story about Hazel and I.

09-06-2023