Chris is Just getting out of a relationship with his high school sweetheart and is emotional unavailable running in the streets not to mention he has been in and out of jail his whole life. will he be able to let his guard down and let himself lear...
spend your summers in Miami At somebody's house That you didn't buy You're young so have fun girl I hope it's worth it Cause fuck it I'm not here to judge Fuck it I'm not here to love
Sunday, July 15th 9:15 AM South Philadelphia
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Sincere fields
How does anyone expect me to just fake a smile and stand up on a podium and say such a nice things about this lady?
Everyone says they want to know the truth about how I am really feeling. How I feel about my mother's death. Truthfully I don't know, I am not sure on how I feel the last thing I told my mom Is that I hate her and then not even a month later she dies. Either karma a bitch or what a fucking coincidence in all this.
Word around Philly got around quickly that my mom died to my knowledge she was not liked by very many but the packed out church told a completely different story. I assume that most of the people that were here were just people from my mom's past to make sure she was really put to rest for their selves , just like myself shocked to see the day had actually came. Feeling his emotionless eyes on me like daggers almost as I slowly met his gaze It was close to being impossible with holding his stare but I never looked away matching his same emotionless glare his being quite intimidating but I just could not seem vulnerable. Chris has been taunting me for several days wanting a confession out of me about how today was actually hard for me too and that my mom death was some how triggering for me and that I am putting up a front but truth is I am not I am doing the same thing I have been doing my whole life getting by however I can. He finally broke eye contact as his parents next to us in the front row I gave them a tight lip smile hoping they would leave it at that small interaction but of course Lily could not help herself engulfing me into her warm embrace which I did not return I just looked everywhere but at her and Matthew not out of a disrespectful place or anything I just felt so disconnected from the world right now and my depression was getting triggered randomly. It is not because my evil mother is finally laying rotten in a grave. I looked down at the crumbled up piece of paper that were filled with notes that I had jotted down for my speech ignoring everyone's presence most of the bodies being belonged too Chris family.
"You know you are never alone and can come talk to me always" slowly nodding my head not taking my eyes off the raggedy piece of paper trying to gather my thoughts together. What does one really say in these type of situations. No apology for none of the things you put me through, not able to empty my plate of all the traumatizing experiences that she has left me with partly being the reason I hated the skin that I woke up in and why everyday I wanted so badly to end it all and free myself of the everyday nightmares, yeah Chris sheds some light but it is not enough. Truth be told I do not plan on being here too much longer but I did vow to make sure that my siblings were well taken care of before I take m y last breath no matter what happens I do not care if I have to continue to suffer for a while longer.
