The After-math

A kiss before lying

Spencer was in her room pacing up and down trying to not stress about the A thing. She only had to wait a few more days so Toby could do his part of the plan and then she could tell the girls the truth.

She heard a light knock on her bedroom door. "Come in" she said and her mother entered slowly and sat on the end of her bed.

"Spencer.. I had a chat with the girls today at the brew and they told me you weren't attending Toby's funeral, is that true?" Her mom asked creasing her eyebrows.

"I'm just.. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet" Spencer said quickly, trying to avoid eye contact and looking at the floor. Her mom could always see right through her and she was terrified her mom would figure out she was lying.

"Honey, we all grieve in different ways,. And at different speeds but I really do think you should go. If you don't you'll regret it" her mom said softly.

Spencer felt her eyes fill with water and her vision became blurred by the tears forming. She really hated lying to her mom about this and felt terrible about pretending Toby's dead.

"I'll think about it.. but I don't think I'm ready." Spencer said trying to hide her voice breaking but failing.

"I understand that honey. Me and your dad will support you either way and we'll be beside you every step of the way I promise you." Her mom said holding her hand.

Spencer's heart ached. She felt so horrible lying about this to her mom and act as though she was still grieving.

"Thank you mom." She managed to get out her voice starting to shake.

"It's horrible what happened to him.. so young" her mom sighed.

"Mom.. I'm pretty tired I think I'm gonna rest for a while" Spencer said wanting to get out of this conversation before she felt even more guilty.

"Of course honey, call me if you need anything" her mom said hugging her and walking out.

Spencer cried silently to herself all through the night. She felt so incredibly guilty about having to pretend to grieve over Toby, who was infact alive.

She could only pray when she told the girls the truth that they would believe her and not be pissed at her. She also prayed that everything would go according to her and Toby's plan...

———

The next morning Spencer spent the day in her room, trying to avoid her family so she wouldn't have to lie more than she already had to them.

Her phone started ringing and she picked it up forgetting to look at the caller id.

"Hey Spence, it's Em."

Shit. Now she'd have to lie even more and to Emily! Her best friend and also one of Toby's closest friends.

"Oh hey Em, how are you keeping?" Spencer said hoping Emily wouldn't ask any questions about Toby.

"I'm doing okay, I was just ringing to see how you are though Spence, have you given any more thought on attending Toby's funeral?" Emily asked the question Spencer was dreading.

"Not really Emily.. I just don't think I have it in me to go sit with all Toby's friends and family while we grieve him.. I'm not ready" Spencer said. Technically she wasn't lying, she really didn't have it in her to sit with his friends and family and pretend she doesn't know he's alive.

"Spencer I really think you should go. Toby would've wanted you there with his family. It's going to take a lot out of everyone to go and I think you'll do better if you at least say goodbye to him one last time." Emily said.

Emily just thought Spencer didn't want to go because she hadn't fully accepted that Toby was dead but the truth was that there was nothing to "accept" because he was very much alive and he was in her house a couple days ago.

"I'll think about it more Em. I appreciate the call" Spencer said, biting her tongue not to break and tell Emily everything but she knew she couldn't because Toby had to sort his things out first before she could tell anyone.

"Anytime Spence. Me and the girls are here for you, call me anytime okay?" Emily said. Spencer was supposed to feel grateful and supported but instead she was feeling more and more guilty by the second.

"Thank you Em, talk soon." Spencer said quickly hanging up and bursting into tears. She didn't know how much longer she could lie for. Emily in particular deserved to know the truth and so did Toby's family.

She knew everyone would hate her after they discovered the truth and wouldn't understand that this is what she has to do. She had to let A believe Toby was still on their team, so that him and Spencer could shut down the A team once and for all.