insomnia

seven | the before date deep thoughts

SHAY

I've never been so excited for a date.

But to be fair, I've only been on two dates. And I didn't like the people I went on dates with as much as I like Devi.

But as the hours pass by and it gets closer to the time Devi and I agreed on, I can't help but feel a little bit nervous.

Devi is special to me, despite knowing her for less than a week. I don't want to screw anything up with her.

I stare at myself in Devi's restroom mirror, fixing the wrinkles out of my black mini dress.

A black mini dress with a small white cardigan is simple but still cute nonetheless.

My black combat boots are cute with the fit but my jewelry really makes the outfit feel sexy.

Devi texts me, letting me know that the driver will pick me up in less than five minutes.

I have no idea if I'll meet Devi at whatever place she has planned or if we are riding in the car together.

I'm hoping for the latter so I'm able to spend more time with Devi.

I touch up my makeup before I head out. I'm home alone since Devi went to work and her mom has been out with someone named Ashley all day.

I love Devi's mom. She's the sweetest person I've ever met. Athena and Devi are lucky to have her as a mother, I know I would never hate anything in life if I had her as a mother.

I stand on the front porch of the house, bouncing on my heels slightly.

Nervous but excited. Excited but nervous.

I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of Devi, that's where my nervousness comes from while my excitement is just because I'm going on a date with Devi!

Devi is extremely attractive. And when she was in my arms last night, I couldn't help but notice how right it felt.

Everything is happening quickly and I don't mind it. I'm usually the person to take things slow with everything in life.

Relationships at number one for the things I take slow in life.

It's not like I had many relationships anyway. I dated three people in total.

Abel, Sofia and Kylie.

Abel was me trying to deny my attraction to women because my mother was so set on me to marry a guy that I felt like if I didn't do that, I would disappoint her.

I was only fifteen when I was in that relationship. It wasn't serious, I don't think. In my case, it wasn't.

It ended because Abel figured out that when we kissed, I would look at a poster of Natalie Portman in my room.

When I finally came out, I could tell my mom wasn't pleased with it. In fact she denied it. She denied me. All because I had one boyfriend.

"You can't be a lesbian Shay. You like guys. I know you." Mother said, staring straight ahead at the road.

I turned my head away from her. "I like girls. Guys don't appeal to me like other girls. I feel the way about girls how other girls feel for guys."

"Your not gay. You can't be." Her voice raised.

I gulped and shrunk in my seat. I'm wasn't going to speak. When her voice gets higher, it's not wise for me to keep talking. This is her way of getting me to shut up.

She only raised her voice when she's mad or disappointed.

I'm usually good at telling the difference. But at the time I couldn't tell.

I shake the memory out of my head. I'm not crying but I wipe my eyes anyway.

It's part of the reason why I left Maine. My mother.

She eventually came to terms that I was a lesbian but it was very clear that she wasn't really okay with it.

She didn't want to hurt my feelings by not being supportive of me and my sexuality. But she never said that.

I miss my mom. I would call her but my dad will answer since he still has her phone in a hidden cabinet back home.

I look down at my combat boots, remembering the lost of my mother. The pain still feels fresh even if it's been three years.

I wipe my eyes again but because only one tear escapes.

I need to stop thinking about my parents right now.

I try my best to compose myself. Devi should be here any minute. Or the driver.

I look down at my combat boots as I wait for a car to show up.

I try to think about something that gives me joy.

Art, music, acting, modeling, my phone, Jane Austen, makeup, clothes, women, pasta, Gracie Abrams and Devi.

After I take a couple of deep breaths, a car finally arrives. It's a black car with all the way tinted windows. The windows are so tinted that it must be illegal.

I walk forward and the back door opens, revealing Devi in a suit that's a bit oversized. Her hair is neatly done and she's wearing light makeup.

She looks gorgeous. Absolutely fucking gorgeous.

Flustered, I say "Hi." as I move to sit next to her in the car, closing the door once I'm seated.

Devi stays silent for a few seconds, her eyes scanning my legs in a way that makes my face feel even more flustered.

"You look fucking amazing." She finally speaks as the car starts to move.

I think my face has reached a temperature so hot that scientists haven't even discovered it yet.

"Your looking quite hot yourself." I smile at her.

She blushes, turning her head away from me and looking out the window for two seconds before looking back at me.

"Should I keep where we're going a surprise or...?"

"Please do not keep it a surprise, I feel like I'm about to explode." I answer.

"Okay... so first, we're going to get some food, nothing too fancy, just something to fuel us. After that, an art gallery and then we'll see what happens after." She explains, watching my face ever so closely.

I smile brightly, my thoughts before completely disappearing from my brain at this moment.

"That's sounds fucking perfect."