find my s/o

meeting the past

There can be many people you fall for. Some may give you a great experience, but others potentially give you the worst pain. It can get worse than that if you get to meet that past lover who hurt you the most. Meeting the past, you're running away from. The past, which causes the worst feelings in you. Sadly, you can't always run away from that past. One day, there could happen a confrontation in any form. What do you think? Is that pain worse than physical pain?

[KIRIKO POV]

What is she doing here. Why is she here. She has the audacity to be at our house after breaking my heart??? Doesn't she have a little bit of empathy?

I suddenly feel something inside myself. It's coming back. The past is hunting me again. That familiar pain that got me suffering for years. The pain I wasn't planning to meet again.

Maybe I should've stayed away from home. Maybe coming back was a bad idea.

I want to run away. I want to be far away. When I thought my home could be my safe place, then she's the one who took my safe space away.

"What? Why are you two here so early??" My mom said with standing up and smiling happily.

"We wanted to surprise you! Right, Kiriko-" my father threw his look at me and immediately got worried.

I can't smile. I can't say anything. I am not happy at all. Even seeing my mom after so many years won't erase this pain.

"Yeah, sure." were the only words I could get off my mouth before disappearing. After saying those two dry words, I immediately went to my room, got into my bed, and buried my face into my pillow.

"Why, why, why..." kept running through my mind.

I really thought I was free from that pain. I thought I was mature enough and over that shit, but I haven't grown even a little bit.

I wish I could exchange this pain with anything. Even physical pain. I'd rather break my arms instead of feeling this pain.

After half of an hour, someone knocks at my door. I'm mentally too weak to give any answer to that, so I've decided to stay silent.

The knocking stranger opens the door without any permission, which is really rude, so I rushed to get up from my bed. When my eyes met the face of the knocking one, I couldn't believe my eyes.

There is she, my past standing infront of me.

"What the fuck?? Get out!" I said without caring how disrespectful I sound.

"I know, you don't want me to be here..."

"Then why the fuck have you decided to enter my room?" I asked.

Is she doing that to make me feel worse than I already do???

"I feel bad for what I did."

She better does. But doesn't she know she's hurting me more with this action??

"There is a good reason why I had to end what he had, but I'm still not ready to talk about it currently, so please understand." She said.

"Look, Hana. You might have a good reason, but that won't erase the pain in me. Especially if I don't even know the reason. How do you expect me to react? Saying oh yeah if it's that case, I can forget how much you had broken my heart, which made me even leave the country, because you were the love of my life, which has become my worst experience!!" I answered with lots of honesty.

I continue with saying "you were so sweet before our relationship had started. You gave me so much hope. You made me feel like I'm in heaven. I felt so safe with you, but when we started dating, you got so cold. So so cold. But only to me. You were still kind and warm to others, but to me, you were colder than the winter could ever be. In addition, you didn't even want to do those silly, but adorable couple things. I felt so bad, because I felt like I am the problem. I've spent so many days with questioning what's wrong with me. This whole experience made me feel like an unlovable person. I always had my issues with feeling unlovable, because many people felt unsatisfied with my personality and what path I chose for myself, but you were the one who didn't criticise me. You accepted the way I am, and I thought dating you would be a good idea, since I really loved you, but that relationship ruined everything. I would've never thought you'd be the one who made me feel unlovable and unlikable the most."

Did I say too much...

"Firstly, I thank you for being so honest with me. Secondly, you're right, I can't erase your pain, but I think another person could." She responded.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I want to help you find the perfect significant other for you."