find my s/o

avoiding the feeling

You love a person for a long time. This kind of love you feel is very special and you show it, but sometimes, under certain circumstances, this special love you had felt before turns into something different. Sometimes, you just get over it. But also sometimes, it turns into something dark. You start harting this person. You absolutely hate this person. Someone once told me that people write love and heartbreak songs because hatred and love are both the strongest emotions a human can feel. So, does that mean, hate equals love?

[KIRIKO POV]

The light of the sun lays on my closed eyes, which gets me to open them. Changing from a laying position to a sitting position on my bed, I think about what happened last night. 

After Hana went home, I couldn't believe what happened. 

Did Hana really say that... did she really say that she still loves me...

Then why, why does she do that? And why did she break up back then? She is perhaps avoiding her feelings as I did. We actually have parallels. But what is the reason? Why does she avoid her feelings?

I remember her saying that she doesn't deserve love at all... something must have happened back then. 

I have to find out what happened back then. It is not that I think about to give her a second chance. I just want to be able to understand her. I want to know the truth. The only way to find that out is to cooperate with her and follow her plan. Also, Brigitte might know something too. She's been her friend for an enough long time, I guess. 

Great! I've made up my mind. I pretend to follow her plan in order to find out the truth. I don't know if I want to include Brigitte in my secret mission and tell her about it. Let's see how todays meeting will go. 

What a coincidence! A notification sound pops up out of my phone, which I have placed on my table. I head to my table, grab my phone, and check out my notifs. Good! It is a message on Twitter coming from Hana. Opening twitter, I immediately swipe to direct messages and open our chat. 

Hanas message includes the information about the location and planned time. In addition, she even wrote who's invited by Brigitte. It's Lena Oxton! I'm glad it's her. We've never really been close, but Lena is a good person whom I know from school. She's a nerd like Hana and me, so it's going to be a good time with these three. I am only worried about Brigitte. We just don't know each other that well. Oh! I've just remembered that one of Brigittes friends is Genji. Genji is a close friend. I'd even call him my brother, eventhough we're not blood related. Our families are also very close. What I know is that there was never a complaint by Genji about Brigitte. He had described her as a sweet, but also cool person. He always enjoyed hanging out with her. Good thing I remembered that! Now I'm less concerned. 

*

I'm standing right in front of the location we're supposed to meet at. It is a popular korean restaurant around this town. I am the only person of the group who has arrived so far, but that's on me. I left the house earlier as I always do because I'm scared to be late. 

This restaurant unlocks memories... It's the first date location I had with Hana. And after our first date... she changed.

I feel that darkness wrapping around my heart again, and all I want to do is to escape, but the desire to find the truth is stronger than me. So, I'm staying and trying to calm down. 

"You look nervous!" 

A familiar voice appears and I turn my view to that voice. It's Lena!

Lena comes up to me and opens her arms. "Are you comfortable with hugs?" is her first question to me. As expected, Lena is a kind person who wants to make sure everyone is comfortable. It's so nice of her to ask. I know that it's the bare-minimum, but todays society still hasn't learned the bare-minimum, so it always feels surprising when someone is caring. 

I tell Lena that I'm fine with a hug, which leads her to give me one. We start talking about what happened in the time when I left the town. Sure, Genji told me a lot too, but he doesn't know the gossip. Lena told some real spicy tea! I didn't know so much would happen while I am away, but I shouldn't be surprised. I'd been away for a very long time, so it's clear I miss out the tea. Lena asks me to tell her about what I experienced on my trip, but before I could even say a word, someone touches me on my shoulder for a short moment. That made me turn around very fast since that, you know, felt scary. It was Hana, and someone is standing behind her. It's Brigitte.

Seeing Brigitte strengthens my nervousness, and I try my best to not make it visible. 

"I see you've found each other"

Hana probably means the fact that I've been in a conversation with Lena. I confirm what she said, and I look over to Brigitte. 

"Hi, Brigitte."

Did that sound too dry? 

Brigitte greets me back, but not like I did. She smiles at me. Maybe I should smile back, and right after giving it a thought, I smile back. 

Hana observes the way Brigitte and I exchange smiles. I don't know how to describe her reaction, but it feels like she's pretending to be satsfied... Maybe it's just my fantasy trying to play with me. 

"Let's go in!" Hana says with a smile. She is the first one to walk, as if she was tired of us watching how we exchange our smiles. 

My smile could've been hers if some things in the past went different...

*

Now, I am at home. The food was delicious, and we also talked a lot! Brigitte is really sweet. We even exchanged our social medias. But... Hana seemed like she wasn't having fun. She hasn't really participated at our conversations. Even Lena talked a lot, but Hana completely excluded herself. Maybe she did that because she didn't want to interrupt the process of me and Brigitte getting closer, but it kinda made me... sad. 

I know, I said I hate her, but something inside me wanted to interact more with her. Sure, Lena and Brigitte are really fun to interact with, but I wanted to talk more to Hana...

Okay, I've decided to text Hana. 

I open Twitter, as well as Hanas chat, but before I could type in my text, a notification pops up on my phone. It's a message by Brigitte.

I open her chat to see her message. 

"Hey Kiriko, I need to talk to you." is her message.

-CHAT BETWEEN KIRIKO AND BRIGITTE-

Kiriko: Sure, what's up?

Brigitte: I don't know if Hana told you about her intention, but she wants me and you to get closer. She wants us to date.

Kiriko: Oh, so you know that too?

Brigitte: That confirms it. But there is one thing that makes this plan hard.

Kiriko: What is it?

Brigitte: I have a crush on Hana. 

-CHAT END-

[TO BE CONTINUED]