Nikki Potter: A Heart's Choice

Chapter five

“So hung up on you, and you're cool with just being friends”

Hot Chelle Rae- Why don't you love me?

“Oh, hello Remus” said Nikki with a hint of surprise in her voice, she had not expected it to be Remus “ I thought you were down with James still.” she added, taking a half step back, so she wasn't standing so close to Remus.

Remus nodded, struggling to find the words he thought of on the way up here “ I was, I just wanted to come see if you were okay.” said Remus at last, though he knew that was partly a lie, and he felt pretty bad for lying to her.

Nikki gave him a small smile “I just wanted to owl my parents.” she said, shrugging slightly “Even with all the issues they've caused, between me and James mostly, I've been really worried about them.. ” she added softly.

Silence fell between them, Nikki couldn't decide if it was a comfortable silence or not. But not to long after, she didn't have to decide. Remus carefully used his fingers to brush strands of hair out of Nikki's face.

A puzzled look crossed Nikki's face when Remus ran his fingers from her forehead down to her right cheek bone, but instead of moving his hand, he kept it on her face. Nikki had no idea what Remus was doing, or why even.

“I didn't just come up here to see if you were okay.” Confessed Remus, making a even more confused look form on Nikki's face. Remus stepped closer Nikki, though his breath was stuck in his through, he kissed Nikki.

Nikki's eyes grew wide, her body was unable to move, she seemed to be frozen. Nikki could taste the orange juice that Remus had drank at breakfast on his lips. It was different than when Severus had kissed her, it didn't give her the same feeling, but also the same sort of shock.

Once Remus took a step back, Nikki stared him in utter confusion and shock. Her mind searched for something to say, and in hopes without hurting Remus “I don't know how to say things without offending you and what not...” began Nikki, with an uneasy edge “But why did you kiss me?” she asked.

Remus stayed silent, he knew he probably shouldn't of done that. But he wanted to, and part of him felt like it had to. A small part of him felt like if he didn't do it now that he would never get to, as if he was going to lose Nikki or something.

Nikki had to get away, to think about all this, her mind was struggling to think of a way to escape without hurting Remus “I need to get to class and think all of this through..” stated Nikki, hoping honesty would be the best way to go.

With a stiff nod, Remus stepped to the side and watched as Nikki brushed past him, and quickly walked down the stairs, glancing back once at him with an apologetic look on her face. Was the fact that she didn’t shove him away and run for the hills a good thing? Even if she did still leave him?

The feeling that James would want to murder him if he found out seemingly grew inside of Remus, he had not told James that he still had strong feelings for his sister. Let alone that he was in love with her, now he would probably have to tell him that he kissed her as well.

Remus didn't think there was any chance that Nikki act comfortable around him after this, with the way she said she had to think. James, despite how oblivious he was most of the time, would notice and ask him about it.

Why couldn't Nikki want him like he wanted her? Why did he have to watch her want someone that not only James hated, but that he was starting to hate himself. And why did Remus have to fall even more in love with Nikki each time he was with her?

Nikki walked down the corridors on the way to her class, her mind and body seemed to be detached from the world. It only made it seem more so when no a single soul would even spare a glance at her, or maybe she was too deep in thought to notice.

Her mind was going back and forth, it would linger on the kiss then change to the next thought before going back to the kiss. Nikki then wondered if it was possible for her brain to overload with all the stuff going on and melt from the overland.

“Surely it would make things quite easier” murmured Nikki, that way she wouldn't have to think about all of this. Or wonder about what could be, think how things were different and what would change if she made a certain move or say something.

But since her brain wasn't melted, she thought about Remus mostly at the current time. Up until now, things seemed easy with Remus, she could easily be herself around him and she knew that he has feelings for her, but being her best friend. Nikki didn't know if she will or could develop feelings for him.

Severus was nearly the opposite, she struggled to be herself around him, afraid that like everyone else, he would brush her off as nothing. And she didn't know Severus' feelings for her, if he had them or not, but unlike with Remus, she knew she had feelings for Severus, strong ones.

Maybe I could hunt down the room of requirement.. Would it reveal its self to me though.. thought Nikki, trying to pull herself back to the unwanted reality. The room of requirement seemed like the best place of any to think.

She was sure not many people knew about it, so the chances of someone even knowing about it to try and look for her there were slim to none. And the room of requirement only revealed its self to those who needed It the most.

Nikki discovered it last year with Severus and Lily, back when Lily was still their friend. Now she seemed to hate them both, even though Nikki did nothing but try and save Lily and Severus' friendship, it just ruined theirs in the process.

She wished that she could go back to that time, and enjoy her time when she could. And try not to blurt her feelings out again, maybe things would be easier now, maybe she could be around Severus without any real problems.

But would her feelings still be as strong as now? Would she still be falling in love with Severus? Making hiding her feelings even harder if she hadn't blurted out her feelings? Only thing that Nikki was sure of, it would be too hard to listen to Severus talk about Lily if she hadn't blurted her feelings out.