HTBMHIT || {A creek fanfiction}

Timeline bump⁵: Turn around, look at me.

"And this urge to run away from what I love is a sort of sadism I no longer pretend to understand."
- Martha Gellhorn, from a letter to Stanely Pennell

I was 5, a kid who just migrated from Italy. I admit, I do have the accent, which is quite overwhelming to try and cease from my tongue. - for I have grown by it's use and English isn't my mother tongue.

Though, the cold breeze in South Park seems welcoming. I learned to grow fond with it; for I love to think every day feels like a winter solstice. - except for scorching summers.

I'm an introvert by heart; I'm not fond with words and people. - Most of the things I have in mind we're just placed in a tiny bottle all to myself; in where other's cannot seem to have a grasp out of it. I lived through a thick shell.

Thankfully, I wasn't bullied. Yet I was invisible. It seems like I'm just here to spectate; sometimes I catch myself spectating me. As if I'm not my own anymore.

-

Until one day, I met him.
On that warm sunny day, I was just walking with a jar in my hand full of insects that are unknown to me. The grasslands of the forest is where I go when I play by myself; My parents seems to have no problem with it. - I play pretend that the bugs listens to me. - Therefore, I consider them as friends. Although they don't talk much, but I find it that they're just like me; a listener.

I kept walking and walking through the blooming patches of spring. - Until I saw a boy that's quite in the same age as mine; he has a brown hair, braces and a big nose. Possibly half-Asian and half-Caucasian.

He's also playing alone with the leaves using a twig he must've found elsewhere.

I was walking so loudly as the twigs beneath my feet that was once lively; now snapping on my tiny child legs caught his attention.

Usually, whenever I see someone unknown to me, I run away. But this time it was different. He's like a prophecy.

He came up to me and complimented me with the numerous bugs I have in my jar. I can't help but smile; the first smile I have in awhile.

We then became friends, best friends if you call it.
We've been through many phases throughout our childhoods and teenage years that I already knew him by heart; too known that he's already quite predictable.

He loves to listen to music. - That he can't seem to live a day without it. By that, I then decided to learn it myself.

I bought an electric guitar. We would spend all day in my room, listening to the songs he likes that I can play on my guitar. The worn out skin on my tab fingers we're ignored by my senses whenever I see him smile to my music.

-

After a long hustle of years, we eventually grew out of it; making me decide that I'll just toss the guitar somewhere else in my room.

He began to eye some interest on certain melancholic books. - I saved up and bought more for him and some for me. Which led him to a slow burn change from basics to Goth. He began wearing piercings, dark shades of clothes; dyed his hair black, and apply such intense dark makeup on his eyes.

I was hesitant to such change before, but I fear I might loose him by rejecting the left and still conforming.

So I decided to convert.

I dyed some strands of my hair red till my scalp aches me some migraines. I punched a few holes on my skin and dressed up the same as his.

It was worth it though, for we became even more closer and doubled in numbers.

-

A curiosity has then came up to me as to why I feel such loyal devotion to him; I hate to admit to such commitment so I tried shaking off such thoughts by dating. I tried dating girls but I find it hard to even enjoy a minute of being in relationship with one; as if I only see them as a companion; a friend.

I vaguely tried being more honest to myself and started dating boys. It feels new to me but it was just about right. - but something about those relationships felt shallow and empty. I thought to myself that maybe I just kept dating the wrong person.

And I was right,
I was dating the wrong person.

It seems like I was only reflecting and searching for someone I cannot have through them.

I decided to put all of it to an halt.
Starting from then and on, I cannot help but serve no one but him. As if he had became my God and I became his loyal servant.
Which I shamelessly cannot admit that it's only choking me on hold.

Knowing that if he is my God and I'm just a servant; both of our worlds are different.

🥚