Healing

Madeline James

"I got the job!" my mom yells from the other room. I don't care too much. We have a stable household. The only reason she's getting a job is because all of her kids are in school and she's bored. I get it. If I were stuck at home all the time I would want a job too. Missy comes running in from the other room. 

"Yay! Wait, does that mean I have to ride the bus home?" Missy has severe anxiety, so any change to her regular routine is gonna be a hard adjustment for her. I take a deep breath to prepare myself for the conversation to follow. 

"Nope, the bus doesn't go to our house dummy. Lane will probably drive us home after we ride the bus to the high school," I respond, doing my best to be gentle. I'm in 8th grade and Missy's in 3rd so we have to ride the bus to the high school everyday so that Mom can take us home. I flop onto my moms bed and wait. 

"Madeline James, you're not her mother, don't act like you are. And Missy, it's time for bed, go brush your teeth. " Yep. Pretty much what I expected. 

"I know, I was just answering her question," I answered while sitting up and shrugging. Missy rolled her eyes and walked out. Baby. I should care more about her. I just don't, she's annoying and entitled. Oh well. 

"Madeline, you can't keep acting like you're in charge of her. I know we leave Missy and Elizibeth homo alone with you a lot, but that doesn't mean you can boss them around."

"I know, I wasn't bossing her around though," I answered. I start to stand up but she interrupts me. 

"Maddy, I know that and no you weren't. This time. You have a habit of thinking you're in charge of them. I try my hardest not to roll my eyes. This is standard for my parents. They give you all of the responsibility, but when it reflects back at them, they try to take it away. 

"Okay, I'm sorry," I sneak in before she can say anything more. I practically run out of the room. I love my parents, but I don't love dealing with them while they're cranky. I make my way through the kitchen and almost grab a bag of cheezits when I remember. 

"You're insulin resistant. Foods like crackers and bread are bad for you"

I put it back. I run down the stairs and to my room. I love my room. It has pretty blue walls, with white and gold decorations throughout. It's pretty small, but I adore it. I remodeled it a few years ago, and it was worth it. I even have a hanging hammock chair. I rarely use it, I like my bed more, but it still works. I lay down in my bed. I've always been a night owl. It's around 9 o'clock so I figure that the rest of the night is mine. I debate texting Jason, the guy I like, but I've been texting him a lot and don't want him to catch on. 

I settle on calling my friend Katelynn. She's not really my bestfriend, I think my best friend is Lia, but there's no real reason I have to choose, so I call her. She doesn't pick up. Not super surprising, she sucks at answering her phone. I choose to let it go and go to bed. I've been going to bed earlier and earlier recently. It probably has something to do with the fact that school's ending soon. 

********

My alarm goes off at 6:50. I hate waking up any earlier than necessary so I always wake up about 20-30 minutes before I need to leave. Problem is, I hate waking up with a fiery passion. Every time I wake up, I want to go right back to sleep, doesn't matter what time of day. Even if I wake up at 11 A.M., I'll at least try to go back to sleep. 

So I slam my hand down on my alarm. Maybe I'll break it. Part of me hopes I do, it's the bane of my existence. But I can't miss another day of school. My grades are already dropping because of my end of school year burn out. I throw on some clothes and plop on my backpack. Lane, Missy, and Lizzy(Elizibeth) are all getting ready as I grab my water bottle. Lane throws me an annoyed look before commenting, "Maddy that's my water bottle put it back down."

Prick. "Fine I guess I'll just dehydrate and die," I answered flopping onto the floor. He rolls his eyes and goes back to whatever he was doing. As I'm getting up off of the floor Lizzy decides to tackle me. 

"DOG PILE!" the little shit yells. Missy quickly catches on and jumps on me as well. I shove them both of and throw some tickles at 5 year old Lizzy. She giggles before running away. She's my favorite. Eventually we get our butts out the door. 

School. Ugh. 

I've always been pretty good with school, I'm not gonna pretend that it's impossible for me. I've always gotten straight A's, I skipped a grade, yada yada, but it's just gotten so hard to focus on the work. I'm just too tired honestly. Especially in English. It's a two hour class with nothing but busywork. I hate it. But you know I'm legally required to go so here we are.

My first class is band. I love band, honestly it's my home. I walk in and try to avoid looking at Jason. He's like my guy best friend but I realized a while ago that I really liked him, which was bad because he and my friend Grace are super into each other. Problem is Grace dropped out of school for her mental health. So he's constantly talking about how much he misses her. Which is fine, I don't want or need a boyfriend, it just hurts a bit. But he can't know I like him. It would screw things up too much. 

I go and talk to Lia. She's a sarcastic little crap and I love her. "Hey sexy mama, how's your life love?" she asks the second I approach her. 

"Eh, tired as per usual." I sit down next to her. The last band concert already happened so there was no point pulling out my instrument. 

"When are you not?" she asks rolling her eyes. I gently smack her head at that. Brat. Lia also struggles with her mental health. She and Grace are a duo not to be messed with. But of course they cope with humor so whatever works works.

"How about you? Are any of your 80 siblings doing something interesting?" I ask.

"Nope, they're all dull pieces of cardboard. Little black butts don't know how to be interesting," Lia oh so loudly  responds. Lia genuinely does not give a crap about who hears her talking or what she's saying. Love her. 

The rest of the day passes until lunch. I'm really tired so once we get outside for "recess" I plop down on the grass and take a nap. I've been doing that a lot recently. I think there's something about the sun that just makes me really tired. I've been really tired a lot. Maybe I need to go to bed earlier. But I went to bed at 9? I don't know. 

I slowly fade into my preferred state. Unconsciousness.