Urgent

Chapter 6

I keep my eyes on my shoes, determined not to look at Caleb. My determination isn't enough, because my eyes wander, and like Beatrice who stands beside me, I find myself gazing at him. Watching him smile. 

I'm gritting my teeth to stop myself from screaming - from begging the question of why he left. Why he betrayed not only his parents, but me too. 

I look away knowing it's pointless. Caleb is none of my concern anymore. If I want to join the Dauntless - I have to focus. 

Today, I learn that the Abnegation aren't the only ones who use the stairs instead of the elevator. Of course, the Dauntless climb - or rather sprint down the stairs for quite different reasons. It's not an act of selfness but a way to have fun. 

I might belong in Dauntless after all. 

I feel happy running down the stairs. Free. Very different from how I felt when I was a part of Abnegation. Not as restricted. If I wish, I could slide down the railings like I used to as a child. 

'What the hell's going on?' the boy next to me shouts. He's clad in blue, and it is clear that he is Erudite. Or at least he was.

I flash a grin in his direction, nudging him lightly with my elbow. He seems surprised by the contact - I am too. 

'Enjoy yourself,' I shout over the ruckus which the Dauntless are causing. I see the shadow of a smile on his face, as he begins to run faster to match their pace. I do the same.

I like the feeling of running. Even if it's dangerous - and if I stumble even a bit, I will go tumbling down the stairs. I like the thrill - it is a feeling of pure ecstasy. My lungs are filled with air, and my legs burn as I force them to move faster. 

I don't know where we're going - and I don't care. Not until I hear a familiar horn and my smile fades. 

Great. How fu -

'Oh no,' mumbles the Erudite boy, staring at the train which is hurtling towards us. 'Are we supposed to hop on that thing?' He asks to no one in particular. 

'Yes.' I look behind me to find the owner of the voice only to see Beatrice. She is flushed, sweaty and breathless - but otherwise? She looks happy. A very strange look on her, but its a nice change. 

'We're going to die,' I mumble under my breath. Or to more accurate, I am going to die. I watch as everyone prepares to board - or rather, jump onto the train. Something which is making my anxiety reach colossal heights. 

The crowd spreads out in a long line. The train glides towards us on steels rails, its light flashings, its horn blaring. The door of each car is open, waiting for the Dauntless to pile in, and they do. Group by group until only the new initiates are left. 

The Dauntless-born initiates are used to doing this by now, so in a second, it's just the faction transfer left. 

I take a deep breath. Think, Ari. I don't need to be scared. It's all science. It's all in the timing. If I stuff that up - I die. But it's better than the alternative. It's better than becoming factionless. 

'Come on, Ari,' I tell myself, 'you can do it.' 

I succeed in encouraging myself, and I start jogging. Jogging beside the speeding train. Others are copying me - and I take another deep breath, counting slowly in my head before throwing my body sideways and into the car. 

I slam against the floor, and while it's extremely painful - I'm just grateful I didn't fall off. I struggle to my feet only to see others jumping. Should I help them? I finally stand up, gripping the wall as it is the only thing keeping me standing.