Sword & Spear - A Sushang Fanfic

4: Answers Before Sunrise - Reader's side

Chapter art by 退堂鼓手: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/10719647

After hearing the voice of a man that spoke behind me, thinking it was one of my bunkmates, I began to run my mouth. I confessed that I indeed had feelings for Sushang and the confusion I was in due to the sudden awareness of how little time I would have left with her. Hearing no response, I turned around, not to find my buddy, but instead greeted by a tall man with messy, long white hair, a ponytail secured by a red ribbon and a kind smirk across his face. My eyes went wide realizing who it was, and I jumped to my feet and stood at attention.

"General Jing Yuan!" My voice cracked. "I- I was unable to sleep - the room felt too stuffy and so I headed out for some fresh air. I apologise for leaving the bunks after lights out." I bowed as I tried to explain my actions, my voice stuttered, dripping with fear. Being caught outside after lights out was a punishable offence for disobeying general orders, and I was caught not just by one of the officers, but by the Arbiter-General of the Luofu himself. I braced myself for what I expected was harsh admonishment, but instead was met with a soft chuckle as if the general had heard a funny joke.

"At ease, Cloud Knight." The general gestured for me to raise my head. "I was merely wondering who was thinking under these night skies tonight. It is good to engage in self-reflection once in a while." He gave me a small, warm smile. "Mind if I joined you?"

Confused at his response, I bowed. "Of course not, general. But would it be a better idea for me to leave you alone?" As I tried thinking of a way to excuse myself, the general had already taken a seat on the grass and gestured for me to take a seat beside him. Refusing his offer would mean getting into his bad books, which could lead to dire consequences. I meekly sat down beside him, leaving slightly more than half an arm's length between us.

We sat in awkward silence for a few moments. It was the General that broke the silence.

"You know, I had someone like that too."

"A lover?" I asked. It made perfect sense that a man like the General had many women who would not hesitate to be his lover.

The General laughed and shook his head. "No, no. Perhaps 'a deep sense of respect' would be more fitting to describe my feelings for her. Nonetheless, she was someone precious to me."

An educated guess would lead anyone to the same conclusion as I did. Only a few things could tear apart someone precious from any of the Arbiter-Generals of the Xianzhou. Keeping silent, I allowed Jing Yuan to continue.

"We never got close, but she was stricken with Mara when I least expected it." A sad smile came across Jing Yuan's face. "Now, the only thing to bring me some solace are nights like these, when the full moon hangs high above in the night sky."

The General looked at the sky, and as his gaze came over the moon, he spoke once more. "We Xianzhou sought out immortality to claim life as our own. And even now after generations of being cursed with it, we are still held slaves to the whims of time. Oh, the irony." He let out a cynical laugh, shaking his head.

I understood what he meant all too well. I was now certain I was in love with Sushang, but time was soon to cause her to slip through my fingers. As the atmosphere became heavier, it was dispelled as the General turned to me.

"But that's enough about me, let's talk about you. It seems you're having trouble regarding the girl from the Yaoqing. Speak your troubles to the night, and perhaps it will provide you with a revelation."

I began to talk to the General about Sushang - how I was in love with her, the sour feelings I had to brush off when I saw her having a fun spar with the other Cloud Knights, the smouldering anger that burned within when lustful eyes laid their gazes on her, the undescribable joy I experienced with the time spent with her, enjoying myself doing the things she enjoyed, and the unspoken, quiet desire to make her mine.

"And yet, as you have said so yourself, the whims of time are about to take her away from me as well. I've thought of ways to make her stay, but that would be just my selfish desires and wishful thinking." I sighed as I too, looked at the night sky, once more hoping for it to give me an answer within the constellations.

"I may be your General, and from the stories, they portray me as wise and brave, but the answers when it comes to the complications of the heart always seem to elude me." He yawned as he continued. "Although from the way you talked about her, it seems there is a very simple answer to your troubles."

Seeing him yawn was rather contagious, and I found myself yawning as well. The General chuckled. "It seems we have both gotten tired." He stood up, brushed the grass that had stuck to his clothing and continued, "Perhaps a piece of advice from this old man would suffice - the past cannot be changed, and the future is hard to foretell, even for the diviners. It would be wise for you to cherish those who are precious to you in the present." He bid me farewell as he turned to leave.

The next day, just as I had returned to my bunk after ending my shift, changing out into something more comfortable, Sushang poked her head around the corner of the door and her face lit up as she saw me.

"Yep, it appears we once again have free time together! And I heard that Mr. Xiyan has new stories to tell! Wanna come with me to listen to them again?" She extended an invitation excitedly.

Just as I was about to turn her down, thinking of attempting to begin placing some distance between myself and Sushang lest I fall even harder for her, the General's advice echoed in my mind.

"Alright, I'll come. You're not getting yet another Immortal's Delight later, are you? How do you even drink that stuff?"

She laughed before retorting cheerfully. "And how do you taste anything in that flower water? come on, let's go already!" She said impatiently as she took hold of my hand and dragged me along.

We spent the day listening to Mr. Xiyan's new stories, wandering around Central Starskiff Haven, and doing some window shopping where Sushang would point out random things that I found amusing.

The sun had begun to set as we made our way back to Cloudfield camp, and Sushang decided to take a more scenic route she had discovered a while back. The evening sun washed the fields of grass a golden yellow, and a soft breeze blew through the fields as the tall blades of grass swayed in the breeze. The scenery was breathtaking, and it urged a question out of me.

"So why are you inviting me out more often recently? Surely you must have heard rumours going around the camp yourself, that we're an item or something."

Sushang looked at me as if I had just asked the obvious.

"Well, I wanted to, obviously. And it's not like I dislike you, so the rumours aren't completely wrong." She remarked with charming naivety as she smiled at me, that radiant smile stealing my heart once more. She turned and took off running ahead of me through the fields with pure, unadulterated innocence, with the setting sun ahead of her.

I found myself having a bittersweet smile on my face, remembering just like how this magnificent scenery before me would soon turn to darkness once the twilight turned to dusk and dusk to night, the woman who I had fallen in love with - her eyes as golden as this setting sun, her long, brown hair swaying in the breeze like the tall blades of grass in these open fields, was soon to fade away as well.

Yes, the woman I fell in love with, who was running ahead of me with the evening sun as her spotlight, would soon have to leave in less than a year.