Lessons

I can't do this (I wish I could)

TW: PTSD, aftermath of kidnapping, foster, mentioned human trafficking, trauma, childhood trauma, voices, other things that relate to trauma and voices.
Please let me know if I missed any

Techno and Wilbur wouldn't let Tommy out of their sight the next morning. Everyone had to go through the legal shit. Tommy didn't understand much of it, Wilbur didn't care, and Techno hated it, so obviously, they waited in a couple of chairs.

Crumb, or Kitten, Aimsey, Purpled or Grayson, and several others had families to go home to.

Purpled was surprised to find he had a brother, who could legally adopt him.

The police detained the "master" who was a part of a human trafficking agency, and assured all the families there that he would be serving a prison sentence somewhere far from here.

However, Alyssa, and two others, didn't have family, and were turned over to the orphanage, who would hopefully find good foster homes. Techno crossed his fingers for the three. He hoped they'd find loving homes.

● ● ●

There was a knock on his door. "Come in." The strawberry blond said.

Wilbur came in, and sat on the floor infront of him.

"I'd like to say I'm sorry, and I shouldn't've said what I did. It wasn't your fault Tommy was taken." The brunette said softly.

"I mean- it kinda was." Techno joked. "But I get it, you were upset, and you wanted to throw the blame on someone."

"It wasn't, and I still shouldn't have thrown the guilt on you."

Techno sighed, and sat on the floor in front of Wilbur. "What you did, you did out of grief, out of sadness, and anger about what you couldn't do. About what I failed to do, because in your mind, all you thought was that I was there, and I couldn't protect him."

"And that was wrong. You did all you could and I was stupid and didn't understand it."

"Wilbur." Techno caught his wrists, forcing him to look at the strawberry blond. "It's not your fault. If anyone knows that, I do, and you should too. I do not hold what you said, in grief, against you. Yes it may hurt me, but I know you didn't really mean it. Plus-" Techno grinned, "-being mad at me is far better than some other ways people deal with grief."

Wilbur laughed, tears shining in his eyes. "That's not funny." He said weakly.

"But it's accurate."

"That somehow made it even more unfunny."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny!" Techon exclaimed indignantly.

"Hey!" Tommy barged in. "Are you guys having fun without me?"

Wilbur and Techno looked at each other.

"Noooooooo." They said in unison.

Lesson 22: You are never alone, they will n̶o̶t̶ help.

Wilbur's words echoed in Techno's mind, like a constant mandra.

He knew it would happen at some point. Something would come up and the facade would fall.

Honestly, he didn't think he could ever get this far without screwing up.

He relished the time he did have, pretendjng to be in this family.

Pretending that he was an actual son, not just legally.

Pretending to be a big brother.

Pretending this was all real.

He sat on the floor of his room. The thought that this was all over punched the air out of his lungs, but no tears fell. He just sat in the room considered "his" and let his mind spiral.

Everything always pours into his mind, he let's himself think all the things he always shoves into his box.

How fun, did you actually think you had a chance?

Were you just too hopeful?

Have you learned nothing from our life?

Good is seldom done, and luck isn't on your side.

The voices.

The voices who live in his head, who scream at him, who fight to take control. He held the reins though, over the ones who try to comfort, and the ones who breath poison. Over the ones who remind him why he has his lessons, and why he needs to be careful.

He held the reins.

He was in control.

Mostly.

Sometimes he withdraws into himself, letting his body methodically keep going without him. Out of fear, out of anger, out of sadness.

That was right now.

He was here in his room, but far from present. The hurt shouldn't hurt as much as it did. But maybe it was because he trusted Wilbur.

He keeps going.

The bell in his room chimes, he hears it, but doesn't. He gets up and walks downstairs, he doesn't tell his body to do that.

His hands move without him telling them. His mouth moves without him telling it to.

He struggles to maintain control, the darkness is so inviting.

He doesn't want it though. He wants to know what happens, he doesn't want to be left in the dark. He doesn't want to depend on others to tell him what he had done.

You beat a man bloody, or maybe we did! The voices chortled, very self satisfied.

Techno was scared, scared of it all. His voices weren't a big part of his life until he turned nine, and then they never stopped. He could manage them alright most the time. Mostly by shoving them all in a box.

That worked surprisingly well.

Until he does something wrong, then they're all up and about, laughing and chanting, or comforting him.

It's rather unpredictable.

● ● ●

Rule no 7: you can only reach so far

Friend was up on the counter again, just out of Wilbur's reach. Even if he stood on his tippy toes.

The blue sheep looked sad up there, just watching the world pass by, unloved.

He knew how that felt. The days he was ignored were the worst. He'd rather be yelled at a thousand million times, than feel like a ghost everyday. He was spanked for turning on the stove when he was 2 1/2, and refuses to touch it.

Sometimes, if Wilbur doesn't do anything, the days just pass by without him.

Sometimes they forget to give him Friend back, and he just stares at his sheep forlornly.

Sometimes Friend sits there, day after day, unchanging and neutral even if the outside world isn't.

Sometimes Wilbur would climb up on a stool and take Friend.

Sometimes he wishes he were a bit older, a bit bigger, and a bit stronger. Less scared of people who tower above him.

_______________________________

You know what time it is?

Techno meets the grandparents! Wilbur's childhood abusers!

Have a great day/night my friends!

Love you all! 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙