MIN SUGA

INTERLUDE: SHADOW

The dark alleyway with red lights. Shadows on the filthy walls. The scattered thoughts. Perplexahedron. I could see you standing at the end of the darkness. Or at the beginning of it.

Blood adorning your outline. You were looking down. From the burnout or feelings, that I couldn't figure out. The million broken shards trying to put themselves back together. Only to have your reflection shine. Shine with that white aura around you. You were pouring your heart out. I could hear the clock tick. I could hear you sing.

Rap Star. Top Star. Rockstar. All yours. Rich. The King. Go win.

That's all you wanted to be.

"Shadow at my feet. "

The music notes are in bold beside you. You could hear yourself play them. Lying on the cold ground, that was the only way you couldn't see your shadows. Shadows following you. Shadows you were trying to get rid of. Shadows that were growing bigger every moment. Shadows engulfing you. Did you see a light at the end of the alley? Or was it still night for you? You were running as if your life depended on it. Depended on the music. Depended on the Rap.

The mirror splinters hanging above you. Waiting to fall and make you bleed. Did you see yourself broken in them? Or were you broken inside? The transparent ground gives you a glimpse of the underworld. The hands of the cursed underworld that were waiting to get to you. Pull you down eventually.

The door was waiting to be broken. Broken by those stamping their black hands on the door. Banging to let you out. Shadows getting bigger. More delusional. You wanted to reach the epitome of success. But the shadows were still trailing behind. Flying came with a price. At the price of happiness and love. Loneliness scampering around. Waiting to latch onto you like a stubborn evil spirit.

"I can leap in the air but also plunge."

You realized that reaching the top also meant a plunge to the ground. A plunge that could snatch everything from you. Let you down. Let the Rap Star down. You were afraid to soar anymore. Afraid of the open sky, clear head, and the wings adorning you. Allowing you to take that flight. And you were scared of falling. 

The shadows are most prominent when the sun shines on you. The higher you were, the closer you were to the sun. Wings were not burnt. There was an ocean of clouds. But you could still see the shadows. The darkness of the world. The world you were above. Your dreams were coming true. True enough to become your nightmares. 

You have to shine. You can't go down. You have to fly. Your voice was breaking. It had pain. And the mic was breaking the glass.

"The moment I faced myself brought lowest."

And you were flying the highest. Flying above the world you had once seen. The world which had turned its back on you. The world that wasn't letting you win. The world that was going in circles. Vertigo hitting.

And now you knew what it meant to fly. Fly with those big houses, big cars, big dreams, big gold. Weren't you supposed to be happy with all that? Then why were you afraid of flying? Isn't that what you wanted? Were the shadows pulling you down? Making you fall. Fall into the clouds that felt like compact ground.

I know you tried smiling and you were torn between your choices. You were trying to choose between them. One or the other. Did you finally make the choice? A choice that contempt you? Questioning yourself. Questioning the darkness. Questioning the shadows. 

Shadows that never left you even when the sun set. Shadows that are yours. They are you. A part of you. And you accepted them. The interlude of shadows.

You wanted to be. You were. You are. You will be. It is all yours. The shadows too.