Letters to Yoon.
I don't even know myself, so who can know me.
Why does my life feel like an incarnation of your pain? If this is it, then I need you more than ever in my life.
#5 in #memoirs 22.07
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Dear Yoongi,
Demons
They have taken over. It's suffocating. Have you ever felt the desperation to shout underwater so that someone could come save you? I tripped and I fell. It was a dream but it felt so real. The hair standing on my arms and the chill in my spine. Why am I not able to stand up again?
What is it that's pulling me down? Strings have been cut. I should be free and yet I am bound in the harshest of chains. Feet bleeding. Feeling all alone in the world. Everything seems to stop.
I tap on my cover screen and it lights up saying Amygdala. Your voice rings in my ears. Real and perfect have now blurred and amalgamated as one for me.
It's fucked up and I know that. And, surprisingly, I don't even want to change that. I want you to come and comfort me. Tell me everything will be fine. Fight the world with me.
It's stupid, right? Will you ever come to my rescue? Should I come to you then? Will we be okay?
I saw you smiling with them. And I felt the need to smile. But I couldn't. I was afraid that it would be snatched from me. Make predictions for me Yoongi. Let them come true. Your scars and your stars, both attract me.
You cry, I cry. Isit okay to feel the lump in your throat when someone says something so trivial, that a normal person would have ignored it? Isit okay to have a heavenly picture tied up in front of you and still provide nocomfort? Is it okay to feel you no longer have the will to live? I think it's okay. I am still confused though.
You and me. We are the same. Yet so different.
Love,
Ish
P.S. Waiting for 2025 so that we can meet and I can tell you that I have happy tears now. Happy that I got to breathe the same air as you. Happy that I could see you and feel close. Happy that you are happy finally. Happy to hear your voice. Happy to see you play the notes. I promise to learn it for you one day.
