Forever Her Secret

Chapter 5

"Hey, get up" Sam said, shaking me slightly, I just mumbled a kind of mhm before turning over to go back to sleep. Just as I'm drifting back to sleep I hit in the head with a pillow, not once, not twice, but three times.
"Okay okay okay" I put my arm up to protect my head from any more blows, now fully awake. "Good" she says smugly before walking back to her own bed. There's no way I'm going to let her get away from this. I fly out of my bed and tackle her onto her bed, flipping her so she's now lying on her back and straddling her waist.
She looks at me eyes wide in confusion before noticing what I can only assume is a specific glint in my eyes, keying her into what's about to happen next. "Kenzie! Kenzie! No! Do not!" She pleads but it's too late. I start to tickle her, with me on top of her she has nowhere to go, "okay okay okay" she pleads loudly.
I stop tickling her and take a moment to look down at her, panting, hair all over the place, face red, god she's gorgeous, I think before getting off and walking to the bathroom.

"Alright guys, so today on the schedule there is an optional hike at one, but if you don't want to go you're free to do whatever. The only rule is to not go too far from the hotel, and to be back by seven for dinner." Mr. Overton informs us in the lobby of the hotel.
There is no way that I'm going on that hike, so instead I just head up to the room to hang out for a bit before probably going down to the beach. "You're going on the hike?" I ask Sam as she starts to pack her bag, "yeah" she spits, "cool" I say, just trying to maybe make some kind of conversation. "What do you want?" She's annoyed, I don't know what the hell I did to make her annoyed, but she is, "Jesus, I was just trying to make conversation" I hold my hands up in a form of surrender, "well I don't want to converse" she spat. "Fine" I say somewhat defeated, I know that for the better part of two years she was my girlfriend and now she's not, but she was also my best friend, and it feels weird not even being able to talk to her.
"You broke my heart you know" she finally says, swinging her bag over her shoulder, "yeah well you broke mine first" I say, I see her face change after I say that, from anger to I think what can only be sadness, instead of responding she just walks out. Why did I have to do that, why couldn't I just have said sorry, why did I have to pick a fight. God.
Later that night we were lying in our beds, the lights off, and the only sound you can hear is the breeze from the open window.
I heard her move around in her bed before she quietly said, "hey". I look over at her, she's on her side facing my bed, I copy her position, "hey" I respond.
"Have you decided on a school?" She asked, I didn't understand the sudden urge to make conversation but I most certainly wasn't going to question it. "I don't know" I said with a deep breath. "What why?" She sounded genuinely shocked, "I-" I started but stopped, I didn't want to tell her the real reason, it felt pathetic if I were to tell her it was because I was waiting to see if she could profess her love for me. "I don't know" was the only thing I was able to say. She stayed quiet. "Daisy" she said after a minute.

Flashback
"Hey, you okay?" I asked. We were watching the sunset on the beach behind my house one day. "Yeah" she said in the most unconvincing tone I've ever heard in my life.
I looked around for a second before I got an idea. "Okay" I said standing up. She eyes me confused while I walked a bit away, bent down and picked a half daisy half weed flower that grows all over the beach, and hid it behind my back as I made my way back to her.
"What are you doing?" she said as I sat back down, still keeping the flower behind my back. I show her the flower and she does a cute little smile before going to grab it, "ah ah ah" I say pulling the flower out of her reach.
"Whyyy" she whines in her adorable child voice, "you can have the flower once you tell me what's wrong". She took a deep breath, "Lately I've just been feeling like I'm not good for you, like I'm keeping you in the closet with me, and one day you'll grow to resent me because of it." She said all in one breath, "heyyy" I said pulling her into my lap and taking her face into my hands, "I love you now and always, and I will never resent you for something that you're not ready yet for. Okay?" I say genuinely, "okay" she flashes one of her adorable smiles.
"I like that idea" she says a little while later. The sun had now completely set and we were laying on the beach looking up at the stars, with her head on my chest, and my arms wrapped tightly around her torso. "What?" I ask, confused. "From now on, whenever we think the other isn't being honest, we say, daisy, and they have to tell the truth."she says, "okay, I like that idea"
End of flashback

"You can't use that anymore" I mumbled, "well then don't lie" she pushed. "It's not important" I say, "well if it's not important then why can't you tell me" she kept pushing, "God Sam, it's because of you. Okay, happy now. You're the reason I haven't decided where I want to go" everything just spills out.
"Me?" She asks quietly, "yeah" I say even quieter. "Why?" "It's not important" I say. "Mackenzie, you can't just tell someone they're the reason you don't pick what school they're going to next 4 years and not tell them why" she pointed out.
I took a deep breath, "I think it just feels like once I pick a school that isn't the same as yours, then it's like really over you know. And I don't know why, but that's just been really hard I guess." I admit.
"I get that" she starts, " I think after you broke up with me I convinced myself I didn't care, and I jumped right back into who I was before we started dating, I thought it was healing, but in reality I was allowing myself to run away, I became bitter and mean, and I guess I just wanted to apologize for that, you didn't deserve that, I know that you were hurting just as much as me, maybe more even" she finished.
"It sucks, losing your girlfriend and best friend in one foul swoop" I say sadly, "I totally agree" her voice breaks.

The rest of the trip went well, I wouldn't really say that we were friends, but it was definitely a lot less tense whenever we were in the same room. Not that I wanted it to be closure, because for something to be closure that implies that it's closed, done, but I think it's time to let go of that fantasy of her and I. So even though I'm not going to say that the talk we had that one night was closure it definitely helped clear my mind, so I was able to decide where I wanted to go, without any strings attached.