You're Losing Me

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After months and months of planning, discussion and meetings, the day was finally here; I was going to be recording an album with my best friend, Taylor Swift. 

I couldn't hide the grin on my face as I drove towards her studio, playing 1989 at full volume as the minutes on my GPS dropped. We had done several collaborations in the past and had been writing songs together since we first became friends. But we'd never produced an entire collection of songs with each other until now. As my mind raced with thoughts and the excitement of the occasion, a notification popped up on my car's screen. 

Incoming Call from Lizzie <3

I took a deep breath before accepting the call. 

"Hi Lizzie," I said, regretting the unenthusiastic tone in my voice. 

"Hey baby," she said, "are you busy?" My car slowed down as I hit a line of traffic, spotting the red lights up in front. Yep, London was still the same.

"No, I'm just driving to work," I said, "what time is it for you?" 

"5am," she said, "I just woke up." Right, I should've known by her voice. Remember when I used to notice her morning voice immediately? "I woke up early so I could talk to you. I'm sorry I've been so busy lately." That was the downside of dating an actress; the days packed with hours and hours of filming never seemed to end. But in all honesty, being a singer didn't help either. If I wasn't recording music or in a meeting, I was drafting ideas for new lyrics. "I also wanted to tell you some exciting news." My heart sank.

"What is it love?" I didn't even need to ask. 

"I've just signed a new contract with marvel. They're making a solo movie for Wanda, isn't that amazing?" I bit my lip. I was happy for her, of course I was, I knew how much her character meant to her. And getting a solo movie in the mcu was a pretty big deal, not many characters got that opportunity. But it would mean we'd be apart for even longer. My team and Taylor's had agreed to record our album in London and Lizzie filmed her marvel movies in California. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. 

"That's really great Lizzie," I said, "really great." 

"Thank you," she said, "I can't believe it, I know they were considering it but after Multiverse of Madness, I didn't think they'd be able to save Wanda's character arc. They completely undid it and made a mess of the character, I thought she'd been gone for good, you know?"

"Yeah." I don't know why this was getting to me so much. I should be overjoyed at this news, sharing the exact same excitement as my girlfriend as I had. But here I was, driving through a city thousands of miles away from hers, my eyes stinging with the tears. As soon as I came to stop in front of a traffic light, I rubbed my eyes and exhaled a long breath.

"Hey Y/n, are you okay?" She must've heard.

"Of course I am," I said, turning the corner and spotting the studio in front of me, "listen, I have to go. I'll message you later, okay?" There was silence. "Lizzie?"

"I miss you," she said after a few moments, her voice quiet. 

"I miss you too." More than I was ever going to tell her.

"I love you, have a good day."

"Bye Lizzie," I said, hanging up before guiding my car into a parking spot and switching off the engine. I leant back in my seat, covering my face with my hands. I should've told her I loved her too. But the words aren't comfortable on my tongue anymore, all they do is burn and leave an unpleasant taste in my mouth. I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because we'd been apart for so long.

I was a few minutes early so I decided to check over a few things before I got out of the car. I brought up my calendar on my phone and spotted a highlighted date exactly two weeks from now. 

Our Four Year Anniversary.

I groaned. I was way too fragile to celebrate our anniversary while she was on the other side of the world. Why did I ever think dating Elizabeth Olsen was a good idea?  Well obviously, because I loved her. Didn't I?

I closed the app and shook my head. I wasn't going to think about her now. Today, I was doing what me and Taylor had dreamt about for years. We were doing the thing we loved most together. Who had time to mope over their girlfriend when they were about to record an album with Taylor Swift?

I pulled out my notebook from my bag and opened it up to the page of ideas I had jotted down for the album. Under the list of potential song names I added a new one; Silent Plague. The perfect two words to summarise my relationship with Lizzie. Every single issue between us was never spoken about. As soon as the digits on the clock turned to 10am, I grabbed my bag and got out of my car. 

Today was going to be pretty special. And I hoped I'd never forget it. 

A/n - Updates for this are going to be really slow because I'm working on my main fanfic at the moment, 'Red Burning Satin.' Apologies!

I'm not planning to edit chapters until later. So most chapters from this point onwards will be unedited for a while. 

HUGE DISCLAIMER! All lyrics in this book either belong to me or Taylor Swift. Obviously my songwriting skills are shit and are nothing compared to Taylor's so please don't be hateful, I know. 




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