The Illusion

Twelve

"Awfully quiet there Freya."

"Hm?" I looked up from my hands. I didn't even realize we'd pulled into the drive. My entire body was too tensed up after this afternoon and I was happy I'd be able to just sit for a few hours before dinner. Maybe a shower would help. "Oh. Sorry. Thinking about painting my uh- my nails." Leo exhaled, like he was expecting me to say something I had no right thinking let alone saying out loud. The girls might be all for this but it just wasn't sitting right with my conscience.

"Your nails?"

"Mhm. I have a Navy blue that I'm kind of feeling. I don't think my normal pastels are going to work when I've got a gun in my hand. Kind of clashes." He scratched his chin, the arm he had resting on his window took the weight of his hand and he looked over at me. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Obviously something is. You're looking at me like I said something wrong."

"You haven't done anything wrong Rey." Leo sat up, taking the keys out of the car. "You did really well today. I'm impressed, I didn't think you'd get it so easily even less so did I think you'd enjoy it."

"Neither did I." God it was getting worse. "I really need a shower though. Everything aches." His hand gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, losing the colour in his knuckles. "Are you sure-"

"Everything's fine Freya. Go shower. I'll go talk to your dad then I'll be in my room if you need me for anything." I nodded, pushing the door open and climbing out, walking up to the doorstep before turning around. Leo's forehead was on the steering wheel, making me feel nauseous. I forced myself to go inside, up to my room without bumping into anyone.

I'd spent an hour with Leo pressed up against me. His breath fanning over my neck, hands on my waist and hip and thigh. God my thigh. And not a single second of him being that close terrified me. Maybe it was the fact I had a gun in my hand but I wasn't scared.

I recognized this feeling. In the pit of my stomach. The weight and the tightening between my hips. It had been growing for a few day and I had been able to fight back against it however after having him all over me like that, I was struggling to keep my brain thinking straight.

Leo was reassuring me that even after Zane, I could still be mind-numbingly attracted to someone. I didn't want this to be the way I coped with what happened. I guess that's why I'd been leaving myself alone.

I flicked the shower on, pacing up and down the bathroom naked. I'd spent a hell of a lot of time staring at myself like this over the past month and today, with the gun, had filled me with a confidence I don't think I'd had before.

I needed a release. I had to stop this ache. I couldn't think around it and I didn't want to risk something stupid happening. I don't think I was ready for someone else right now. I stepped under the water, letting the hot water soak into my muscles, easing some of the ache the was sitting in my shoulder blades. Leo said it was normal but that eventually your body gets used to it and you stop feeling it as intensely.

My fingers slowly slipped down the front of my body, gentle and slow as thoughts of Leo flashed through my mind. They were slow at first, just his hand on my bare thigh like it had been earlier, a shock of electricity shooting through that spot as I dipped a finger into myself. The thoughts became more intense, detailed like a fever dream until I was biting my lip to keep myself quiet, bringing myself to my peak. I inserted another finger, pushing in a little harder as my legs began to shake.

"Fuck." I whispered, head dipping back and I swear, the water droplets over my skin felt like he was covering me in kisses, filling my head with a need I didn't think I'd have back after that night. I was so close. Right at the edge as the memory of his eyes ripped through my mind, imagination going wild as it twisted into him above me, my fingers becoming his rough ones as he told me he wanted me to come for him. I did. Barely a second later. The ache in my core dissipated, pure pleasure spreading out to every single spot in my body. I waited until I was completely done before pulling my fingers out and collapsing into the cold tiled wall, panting for air, skin tingling.

It took me a while to come back around enough for me to finish in the shower, getting out to get changed for dinner quickly. The hour and half I'd had to get ready had vanished and before I knew it, Milo was knocking on my door telling me I was taking the piss. I grumbled at him, following him down to sit at a table like my brain wasn't completely swamped with thoughts of Leo.

It hadn't eased anything. The pressure was worse and more intense and now I had very vivid pictures in my head cycling on repeat. Leo sat on my left, smelling like a brand new dose of his aftershave. I couldn't even look at him right now. Out of pure fear of what my brain would start adding into its list if I did. I didn't need more ammo. My memory was already burning with him as it was.

"I talked to your dad." An electric shock. Straight up my spine as he whispered in my ear. "He's fine with you staying in my bed and I'll stay on the couch." I turned to face him, scowling with a knotted forehead. "No arguments Rey. Couch-" He pointed at the centre of his chest and then me. "My bed."