How To Not Fall For Your Online Best Friend

04

Warnings: mentions of attempted suicide, drinking, yelling, psych ward, and parental issues (i think that covers it but comment if i missed anything)

Oliver

What has happened the last few days? Well let's see, I saw my dad for the first time in years, ran away, drank, was soaked, probably still close to dying after attempting suicide and failing, started smoking, got back in touch with my ex and old best friend, and have cuddled with him.

It's not like I like him, yk? It's just me needing comfort. Constantly.

I'm gonna be completely honest, I've been having these nightmares. Nightmares where I'm there, on the bridge, and he tells me to jump. He tells me to take a dive and never come back.

Sometimes, I confuse this with what really happened. What if he meant that though? I've only made his life harder.

That night, I was on the bridge, and I was questioning stuff. Maybe it was me being drunk, or my dad coming back into my life only to poison it. Only to make it as hell as when he left.

My dad was very bad with drinking. It messed with his head. And sometimes, it would get really bad.

This one time, I was 7 years old, and I was laying in bed. It was like I was in my own world before that, but everything changed.

My dad.. he drank a lot and was out until around 4 in the morning, maybe screwing someone? I don't know. All I know is that he was drunk when he got back, drunk and fighting with my mom.

I woke up to them coming into my room, screaming. He opened up the window and tried to jump out of it. More things happened, leading up to him coming outside and us locking the car while my mom was fighting with him.

Maybe it was the fact that he punched the car window, breaking it, and putting his hand in, asking us to forgive him. I know I said that I would forgive him, but I wasn't even eight years old! I was a kid. I was just a kid.

Maybe I got my problems from him. Maybe all of my issues is from what happened to him.

All I know is that the alcohol did something to my head, I looked down and it was like the water was calling me.

I don't think Mark could have said anything that would've changed my mind then. All I could focus on, was the water. The way it moved almost fluently, talking in it's own sort of language.

So I fell. Or at least that's what I tell people. Not that I'm a crazy person who feels like dying would be a better outcome for everyone and that I sometimes romanticize dying in a way. If I told someone that, then I would be on the patient list for a psych ward, patient number zero, zero, one.

When falling though, something inside me told me to swim, to stay conscious, to live. I fell peacefully, but then fought to get back up, to keep on going.

So somehow, I washed up at shore, running as fast as I could, finding a quarter on the ground and using it to call the only person I knew to call.

Toby.

Not the streamer, Tubbo. Not even close to him. Toby was someone from an old ward. Someone I met a long time ago, yet someone I knew that I could trust.

The only person I really could at this point.

So here I was, at whatever time at night, calling my ex boyfriend instead of my current one. That sounds shitty, it really does, but I don't know if Mark would understand this, I don't know if anyone would.

But Toby? He would get it, no questions asked. Which is one of the reasons of why I ran to him the first chance I got.

But I knew that he would get it. I knew that everything would be okay.

When he got there, his car pulled up next to me and he jumped out, helping me inside as I was dripping wet, most likely looking as if I wasn't even alive at that point.

And maybe I wasn't. Maybe I felt as if my soul had left my body as I was drunk and had felt too many emotions at once to even start to be considered "okay".

But as I explained this all to Toby, all I could see were his eyes slowly drowning with tears and his eyes widening at certain points.

He immediately dove in to hug me, I never told anyone about my dad before, not even him, so I guess he just didn't expect that.

I just repeated his action, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him.

I didn't think he would cry at this. I didn't know he would even react like it.

But then, the question I dreaded hearing was said.

"Are you going to call him though?"

That referring to my boyfriend, maybe ex now? I don't know.

I just preferred the other unsaid option, staying in the hug, staying in the moment and not worrying about all of the millions of other problems I have to eventually deal with.

"Well, it looks like I'm dead now. Wanna celebrate?"

--------

Sarah by Alex G just came on and I am dying!! Only updating this because one of my friends asked me to sooo.

Anyways new parts will be coming soon. I am not even close to finished with this. Now with the stuff with Rain, it shall be continued in the next part with a stream.

I hope everyone enjoyed this and that you shall continue to read my writing and if you don't mind, voting on it too.

Hope your day is amazing!

Goodnight or rather good morning(yes you know who you are) to some people.

Be ready for the rollercoaster of emotions that are yet to come!

Word count: 1010