Shooting Stars | Lo'ak¹

Chapter 34: Heartbreaking Ceremonies

*This is a definite tissue warning. This chapter caused me physical pain.*

Italicize - someone's thoughts or a story from the past

Bold - sign language

Payakan slowly started to transport the Sully family back to where Neteyam and Tsireya were. The ride was silent the entire time, except for the soft sobs coming from Neytiri and Ja'lia. Neteyam's death didn't even seem real, and Ja'lia suspected it wouldn't until she saw him in person.

As they made it closer to some rocks that were out of the water, Tsireya's hunched-over figure could be seen from the distance. Ja'lia felt herself panic as she wasn't sure if she could look at Neteyam's lifeless figure, but Lo'ak grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She knew that she needed to do this for him. The girl knew that Lo'ak was probably in a whole world of pain because Neteyam was the glue that held the family together.

He was the third parent. The shoulder to cry on. The one who would make them laugh when they were sad. Their big brother. And now, he was gone, and he wouldn't come back.

Once Payakan got close enough for the group to go onto the rocks, everyone slowly dispersed as Neytiri, Tuk, and Kiri were the first ones to leave, followed by Jake. Ja'lia went to leave, but Lo'ak's grip on her hand held her back, and she turned around to see the guilt in his eyes. "It's okay, Lo'ak," Ja'lia whispered, and he looked at her as the tears formed in his eyes.

It wasn't okay. None of this was okay. It was all his fault. If he hadn't insisted on saving Spider, Neteyam would still be here. Neteyam would still be alive and breathing. But he wasn't, and Lo'ak felt that it was his fault. The boy felt that he was responsible for Neteyam getting shot. As the seconds passed, Lo'ak's guilt grew, but when Ja'lia placed a hand to cup his cheek, a tear slid down his face, and he allowed himself to go see Neteyam again.

Or, he could at least go with his best friend to see Neteyam. He knew she would be in a lot of pain too, because this would be the third death she'd experienced in a little under two years. It brought the question to Lo'ak's mind. What did they do to deserve something so devastating?

Why did it have to be Neteyam? Why couldn't it be him? Why couldn't the Great Mother have taken him instead of Neteyam? He knew everyone wouldn't have been as sad if it was him. Of course, Ja'lia would have been heartbroken, but she would have been able to move on. Neteyam was like her older brother. Lo'ak didn't feel like he was as worthy of his life as Neteyam was.

Lo'ak pulled himself away from his thoughts as his feet touched the ragged rocks under his feet. The boy watched as his mother placed Neteyam's head in her lap, and Tuk grabbed one of Neteyam's cold hands and brought it to her face. Jake sat off to the side while Kiri tried to get as close to her brother as possible.

When Tsireya saw that everyone was returning, she got up and walked away so that she could give the family privacy and so that she could be alone. It had been torture for the young Metkayina girl to sit with Neteyam's lifeless body while Lo'ak left to save his family. Before Neteyam's death and her mother's Spirit sister's death, the only people who had died were the sick and elderly, and none of them were that close to Tsireya.

Tsireya and Neteyam had gotten incredibly close since his family came to the Metkayina clan, and it was as if she was in denial because even though she knew he was dead, it didn't seem real. She felt as though she was in some sort of twisted dream that she couldn't wake up from. Tears escaped her eyes as she felt her heart ache for the Sully family, Ja'lia, and herself. But when she looked over to see Lo'ak and Ja'lia's faces, something broke inside her.