I Wish I was Never his Friend

next morning

You couldn't sleep after Liu's visit, you sat there instead, staring off at your far wall wondering how to fix your mistakes, when Jeff stirred in your lap. His groggy eyes fluttered up to meet your own, even with the permanent smile carved into his face, he oddly looked attractive in the soft sun light that flooded through,

The way they picked up on his icy blue eyes or how it danced across his pale skin, he nearly looked normal for a moment- you shifted as he sat up, attempted to anyway before hissing in pain and laying down next to you, bringing a loose pillow into his chest as you got up from your spot to sit by your desk, playing with a pencil that sat idly by. 

"How do you feel?" you asked, and he hummed a little. "A lot better now, your touches are always healing" he muttered the last part to himself, running a hand through his hair to bring it back and out of his face as he looked up towards the ceiling, things were quite, awkward as it always had been when you hung out with him, although you couldn't really say if this was actually hanging out or not, more like not. 

"It was you" Jeff began, pausing to make sure he had your attention. "You're the one who attacked Troy and Keith, sent one to the grave and the other butchered to the hospital. Why'd you do it?"

The words struck you, and made you shake. If that who's blood you were covered in? You swallowed the growing lump in your throat, the fact that Jeff was being so calm helped, it was after all, an odd moment of sanity for him. He continued, 

"He was there, at the hospital as I was making my exit. Laying in bed- crying like the fool he was. I'm surprised, why did you leave Keith alive? "

His question, bounced around the room, and echoed in your mind. It only made you question more things. "To.. Be honest.. I don't know, I don't remember anything to be honest. Um, Jeff. Can I be honest with you?"

Jeff turned his head to look at me, his blue eyes flickering back and forth before settling on my face. "Go for it"

" I have been.. Having these episodes, for awhile. They got better after I left, after you and Liu left... But they've come back, and I guess they're back in a way that.. Makes me do things I don't realize I'm doing, that includes targeting Troy and Keith too.. I guess" 

I licked my lips nervously, my eyes flicking to his quickly as i rubbed my chin nervously, chewing my bottom lip. He hummed, "sounds like you're just as crazy as me"

This made your breath hitch, remembering Sully's and Liu's words. "No, it's not like that"

"Yet you have blood on your hands now, N/n"

"Don't call me that, we're not kids anymore"

You were trying to change the subject, anything to make him stop confirming your worst fears. But he continued. "I always knew you were like me, we always had the same.. How do i put this? ideology.  Same beliefs, I always liked how we agreed with each other" 

His eyes flicked to mine, holding it under the dark shadow of his eyelids. You stared back in awe, "I know that.. I'm not the most put together person, but.. I think I could help you. I know I'm not all that sane ether and it's a lot coming from me but, give me a chance. At least to repay you for taking care of me- right?"

His words began to swim around your head, unsure of the implications of his offer. "What does that.. Involve exactly?" 

He sat up slowly at this, locking eyes with you as he brought himself up onto his elbow, turning his body to look at you. "Well, considering your little issue, I could teach you how to be aware during it- or I could keep you grounded. I have my moments but I promise you I'm really not like that anymore, I just got so excited you were back I got manic" he admitted the last part sheepishly, offering you a sly smile through his scars. 

"I'm not that bad"

You both laughed a little at this, the male grasped his side, winching in pain from the hole Liu carved into him. 

" You'll need bed rest for awhile" you muttered, resting your hand on your chin. 

"Hmph, yea. And I need to go home too, back to mine? I won't keep you chained up this time but I still want to cook for you"

"I don't know about that, the back of my throat is still burned"

He sighed, "You can feed yourself" 

You nodded slowly, "I'll get you out the door by night fall I don't think you should be going through the window, Romeo" 

"Oh M/n you know I'd love to crash my car through your window if I had one. Matter of fact, I'd risk my life for you- crawling through a window is no problem"

"Except you're my problem and I don't want you to be a bigger one" you chuckled at your words, standing and going to your suitcase, pulling out a dark red flannel for Jeff to slip on, which he was thankful for. You looked over at his discarded clothes, seeing the blood stains and infection all over it along with the stained rags, you cringed a bit. 

"I'll, clean those later" you muttered, picking up the dirty laundry and placing it in your hamper. You then turned, seeing Jeff sitting on the edge of the bed. He waved you over, which you did hesitantly. He wrapped his arms around your torso as you approached, pressing you into a hug while he buried his face into your belly. 

"all you do is worry, M/n. Do you ever calm down?" he asked, his blue eyes staring up at you, you felt your face redden.

Uh oh.

~Liu/ Sullys POV~

We paced the forest floor, everything felt like it was so confusing, it felt hot and cold all at once, and I was hurt while angry. I ran my fingers through my hair. The strands slipped through my finger tips and I gripped it in tight hand fulls while I closed my eyes tightly, preventing the tears that brimmed my eyes from falling. 

"M-maybe we shouldn't have, we sh-should've heard him out I-"

"No- he's offered his hand to that.. That thing" Sully hissed.

Liu shook his head, he didn't want to believe it. But having to see them in bed together- it was too much. 

 He let out a frustrated yell, punching the tree to his right, busting his knuckles open. He didn't care as he aimed for it again. 

Memories of the night before, and the one before that flashed into his brain "shut up" he hissed, taking his broken fist back to punch the tree again, he felt his knuckles crack under the stress and his skin peeled back, revealing muscle and blood which dripped down his finger tips. 

"Liu"

"Shut up" his voice was beginning to break and crack as the tears fell down his face, he raised his fist again, intending to bring it back down onto the bark but Sully took partial control, stopping his fist from hitting the rough object again- which likely would've permanently damaged his hand. 

"Liu, just stop for a moment" Sully let out a shaky breath, having not seen Liu so angry before. 

We stood there, before slowly going down to our knees, breathing heavy. I looked down at my hand, staring at my busted, bleeding knuckles. My eyes welled up with more tears again, thinking about M/n and how his gentle hands would've patched it up, how he did the same for Jeff-

He should've let him die.

" I know you're angry, and I'm angry too- but lets slow down for a moment, I think- "

"You were right about him"

"I.. I don't know that for sure there might still be a chance for him" Sully frowned, having his own doubts from the way Liu reacted, plus his own feelings.. He wanted to punch a tree too but he knew he had to be the rational one between the two of them. 

Breath in, breath out, just like that Liu. He began to cry softly to himself, curling in on himself, becoming a ball as he gripped his sore hand. Sully stayed silent, allowing for him to get it all out, he knew he was in love- And Sully, he was beginning to fall for the childhood friend himself. 

M/n, you're too kind, what ever will you do with yourself?