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Read Into My Heart [Danielle]

Book: Read Into My Heart by lippizzaner01 (Emily) 
[chapters 1-15] 
Reviewer: Dark_Ghostie 

Look out for: 
• if the book is any good 
• tips to improve 

Cover: 3/5 
The cover shows a blurry body of a woman with a book in her hands. I’m guessing that is Miranda Edwards? The fonts used are simple yet elegant and easy to read which is very good. However, to be very honest, I feel like the cover doesn’t really do the story justice. 

Title: 5/5 
The title is quite unique and interesting. It captivated me and really compelled me to check out your book. I’ve tried searching up your book based on only the title, and the exact book came up. Good job! 

Blurb: 4/5 
Your blurb is simple yet interesting to a certain degree. It isn’t as enticing which may not draw in a lot of readers. Despite this, it is mostly grammatically sound, but the sentence ‘He had hid away at his estate for five years…’ can be changed to ‘He had hidden away at his estate for five years…’ 

Mechanics: 18/20 
I have to say, you’re doing great in this segment so far. There were little to no grammatical errors that I could find and your punctuation is not bad, although you are missing a few commas here and there. I’m quite impressed to see that your dialogues are properly punctuated and capitalised where necessary. 
You have a good grasp of vocabulary as seen by the use of various words such as ‘curtail’ and ‘admonished’. I like how these words are not overused so the story does not become complicated or hard to understand. The use of old slang from the 1880s really adds on to the historical part of the story. Keep it up! 

Plot: 17/20 
The story takes place in 1887 and you’ve obviously been doing your research. Their mannerisms and dress codes are quite accurate from what I’ve read up myself. Your descriptions of the places, events, transport etc are quite realistic and wonderfully described. I am able to picture what is going on in the story without a problem. 

You mentioned that Miranda is in her third season. What exactly is a season? It would be better if you could explain what a season is and the consequences of not getting a husband by the time her third season ends. 

And for Alex, he has dyslexia right? Perhaps you can explain why he has to hide his condition? What will society do to him if they find out about his condition? Why is he so afraid of people finding out? As of now, the consequences of his secret getting out aren’t there at all and it decreases the impact of his secret.

Flow: 10/10 
The story flows well with no plot holes at all. There were also no inconsistencies with the writing or plot. 

Hook: 9/10 
Your story is quite captivating, similar to Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice. The moment I started reading the first chapter, I could barely put in down. I had to force myself to stop when I had other matters to attend to. 
The only problem I have is with the hook of the blurb. For some reason, it just doesn’t appeal to me which is a great pity considering how well your story is written. 

Character development: 15/20 
I feel like the characters have a lot more potential to be developed. Now, I feel as though only part of their true character is being shown. 

Although Miranda and Alex are the main characters, I don’t really know much about them except for a few general things and one or two secrets. Knowing so little about them makes it hard for readers like myself to really connect with them and relate to their struggles. 

One way to develop them more would be to add more character thoughts and feelings. Try using the show, not tell technique. Don’t tell the readers how the characters are feeling, but describe them. For example, instead of saying she is scared, say something like her heart pounded in her chest as she looked up at him. But be careful not to overdo this. 

Overall enjoyment: 5/5 
I quite enjoyed the story. It was refreshing to read about another time period and how different it is to society now. I would definitely recommend this story to others. 

Total: 86/100 
The story is well written though there will always be room for improvement. You can consider being more descriptive in certain aspects and keep what I have said about the cover and blurb in mind. Other than that, your story is quite good. Keep it up!

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